sucking the life out of me
Hi friends, I'm new here. Pardon me a much-needed vent. First of all thank you for all the messages, questions, and stories you've posted.
My 20 year old daughter is an addict. At present, she is a "roxy" addict that shoots up. This time last year her drinking became out of control and she wrecked her SUV and was charged with DUI. Everyone who knew her said, "Wow, I can't believe it. Well, this will straighten her out for sure." I thought, "no ..."
Not even a month later, she was arrested again for driving her "temporary" boyfriend's car because he had surgery and was on pain meds. Booked in for Driving on Suspended License. A few months later she almost went to jail (she was cited for Possession of a Minor). She was in the back seat of a car being driven by a DUI driver (.20) headed for a curvy mountain road when they were pulled over at 3 am. At that point, I got my head out of the sand and we found her a rehab out of state. She went there last June and stayed until late July, but was emphatic about moving into a sober living residence so she could stay in her rehab IOP, attend meetings, keep her support system, and begin to work part-time. Why would I mess with what was working? wrong ...
She came home briefly to visit late in October, attended meetings while home, and sat thru her younger 15 yr old brother's football games to support him. She returned to FL. I woke up one morning and just had this terrible feeling something was wrong. She assured me everything's good. A few days later I received a phone call from a stranger that picked up her phone and found "mom's" number. He said that she was in an ambulance headed to the hospital ... that she had overdosed. Thank goodness she was with someone who wasn't a drug addict and had the sense to call 911. He didn't even know she was on drugs. He went to check on her when she went to the bathroom. He said she didn't even get the light turned on, just passed out on the floor. Said her feet were blue and her hands were turning funny colors. Apparently she had new roomates at sober living that taught her a new trick. I'm sure she would've tried it sooner or later anyway.
I got down there in a few hours, got her, and brought her back home. Bet you guys can relate to 2 weeks of hell? It's like, what do you do with a child that you feel like you're rescuing from "rehab?" Not only that, while she laid in an ambulance, her roommate at sober living stole my credit card and her cell phone. To her credit, she had my card for emergencies only and hadn't used it at all. But her roommate went on a shopping spree.
I'm from a large family, with several in the medical field, who coincidentally are all recovering addicts. We all met and had a "post-intervention" laying out rules, expectations, etc. Since that time, I've taken her to an addiction counselor who coordinated with a Dr. about changing her anti-depressant, and they prescribed some Vistaril to help with withdrawals. She has gone to exercise every morning, and is generally cooperative in nature, but she has had major wigouts.
Where we're at ... like someone on here said, there's a difference in getting clean and staying clean.
Backing up, my daughter was a straight A classic overachiever, homecoming queen, high school basketball star holding school records, etc. She signed a full basketball college scholarship about 3 weeks before my husband, who coached her since she was little (basketball was their thing) fell ill and died unexpectedly. At the time, he was coaching her and some local players on a travel team, just helping our daughter get ready to play in college. His death rocked the whole community, and she seemed to be fine for a while, you know, taking care of the rest of us, but over time, thinking back, she was becoming depressed (sleeping all day, etc.) I thought once she went off to school a few months later and got into a routine, she would be fine because playing college ball was all she ever wanted to do. Not so ... she quit and came home after one semester. Said her heart just wasn't in it anymore.
She enrolled in local community college and there she began feeling like a failure and having an "I don't care" attitude about life. Don't think I didn't try and take her to grief counselors, a Dr. prescribed an anti-depressant, but it seemed the wheels were in motion and on top of that now I was parenting alone.
Anyway, here we are, 2 1/2 years after his death. I don't feel like I've even been able to stop and grieve. It's all been about ministering to my daughter. She has an older brother and a younger brother. I worry now about the impact on my younger son. When she's home, I cannot focus on my job or my son adequately. It really sucks the life out of me. I know I have to get to a place of detachment in a sense or I'm not going to make it. It would make things easier if she would just be nice to me. I'm not giving her any money, she has no car, I do pay for what she needs and take her where she needs to go. She is doing odd jobs helping different family members out. My SIL is teaching her to cook a few things, etc. She has 2 cousins about the same age, both of which I'm sure party some, but it scared the life out of both of them and they have been great at realizing the seriousness and not believing any of her BS anymore.
If my family had not put up a united front (most of us live right around each other), I wouldn't have even made these two weeks. Prior to this time, I've tried to handle it ALL on my own (pride?) but it's so much bigger than me.
She has started attending church with me again, but I know for now she's going thru the motions. Despite what I read about the fact that SHE should be the one praying to God, I've rededicated myself to spending quality time with God every single day and praying for THAT day alone. She was brought up in church, but it seems that since she's a drug addict, her morals and judgment have dramatically changed.(to say the least) Things that just aren't ok are fine with her.
Ok, sorry so long and thanks for the rant. I don't want to lose my daughter. She is beautiful, intelligent, and could be anything she wanted to be. Like your children, she's wasting a chance at life just to do drugs. She had only been shooting up a few days when she overdosed. The first time she drank she blacked out. She has no stopping sense at all. If she continues to use I have no doubt she will die. I just can't believe how my family has fallen apart so quickly.
I just feel so dumb for sitting thru all her activities over the years and thinking to myself how everyone must just think my daughter is terrific, and they pretty much did. For that reason alone, she has been given so many "breaks," even in the court system (I used to be a probation officer) by people thinking she would straighten up if given another opportunity. Drugs really are satan. Now I hate running into people because they never ask about my sons, only my daughter. How's she doing, where's she playing ball now, when's she coming home, what's she majoring in? You get what I mean.
My 20 year old daughter is an addict. At present, she is a "roxy" addict that shoots up. This time last year her drinking became out of control and she wrecked her SUV and was charged with DUI. Everyone who knew her said, "Wow, I can't believe it. Well, this will straighten her out for sure." I thought, "no ..."
Not even a month later, she was arrested again for driving her "temporary" boyfriend's car because he had surgery and was on pain meds. Booked in for Driving on Suspended License. A few months later she almost went to jail (she was cited for Possession of a Minor). She was in the back seat of a car being driven by a DUI driver (.20) headed for a curvy mountain road when they were pulled over at 3 am. At that point, I got my head out of the sand and we found her a rehab out of state. She went there last June and stayed until late July, but was emphatic about moving into a sober living residence so she could stay in her rehab IOP, attend meetings, keep her support system, and begin to work part-time. Why would I mess with what was working? wrong ...
She came home briefly to visit late in October, attended meetings while home, and sat thru her younger 15 yr old brother's football games to support him. She returned to FL. I woke up one morning and just had this terrible feeling something was wrong. She assured me everything's good. A few days later I received a phone call from a stranger that picked up her phone and found "mom's" number. He said that she was in an ambulance headed to the hospital ... that she had overdosed. Thank goodness she was with someone who wasn't a drug addict and had the sense to call 911. He didn't even know she was on drugs. He went to check on her when she went to the bathroom. He said she didn't even get the light turned on, just passed out on the floor. Said her feet were blue and her hands were turning funny colors. Apparently she had new roomates at sober living that taught her a new trick. I'm sure she would've tried it sooner or later anyway.
I got down there in a few hours, got her, and brought her back home. Bet you guys can relate to 2 weeks of hell? It's like, what do you do with a child that you feel like you're rescuing from "rehab?" Not only that, while she laid in an ambulance, her roommate at sober living stole my credit card and her cell phone. To her credit, she had my card for emergencies only and hadn't used it at all. But her roommate went on a shopping spree.
I'm from a large family, with several in the medical field, who coincidentally are all recovering addicts. We all met and had a "post-intervention" laying out rules, expectations, etc. Since that time, I've taken her to an addiction counselor who coordinated with a Dr. about changing her anti-depressant, and they prescribed some Vistaril to help with withdrawals. She has gone to exercise every morning, and is generally cooperative in nature, but she has had major wigouts.
Where we're at ... like someone on here said, there's a difference in getting clean and staying clean.
Backing up, my daughter was a straight A classic overachiever, homecoming queen, high school basketball star holding school records, etc. She signed a full basketball college scholarship about 3 weeks before my husband, who coached her since she was little (basketball was their thing) fell ill and died unexpectedly. At the time, he was coaching her and some local players on a travel team, just helping our daughter get ready to play in college. His death rocked the whole community, and she seemed to be fine for a while, you know, taking care of the rest of us, but over time, thinking back, she was becoming depressed (sleeping all day, etc.) I thought once she went off to school a few months later and got into a routine, she would be fine because playing college ball was all she ever wanted to do. Not so ... she quit and came home after one semester. Said her heart just wasn't in it anymore.
She enrolled in local community college and there she began feeling like a failure and having an "I don't care" attitude about life. Don't think I didn't try and take her to grief counselors, a Dr. prescribed an anti-depressant, but it seemed the wheels were in motion and on top of that now I was parenting alone.
Anyway, here we are, 2 1/2 years after his death. I don't feel like I've even been able to stop and grieve. It's all been about ministering to my daughter. She has an older brother and a younger brother. I worry now about the impact on my younger son. When she's home, I cannot focus on my job or my son adequately. It really sucks the life out of me. I know I have to get to a place of detachment in a sense or I'm not going to make it. It would make things easier if she would just be nice to me. I'm not giving her any money, she has no car, I do pay for what she needs and take her where she needs to go. She is doing odd jobs helping different family members out. My SIL is teaching her to cook a few things, etc. She has 2 cousins about the same age, both of which I'm sure party some, but it scared the life out of both of them and they have been great at realizing the seriousness and not believing any of her BS anymore.
If my family had not put up a united front (most of us live right around each other), I wouldn't have even made these two weeks. Prior to this time, I've tried to handle it ALL on my own (pride?) but it's so much bigger than me.
She has started attending church with me again, but I know for now she's going thru the motions. Despite what I read about the fact that SHE should be the one praying to God, I've rededicated myself to spending quality time with God every single day and praying for THAT day alone. She was brought up in church, but it seems that since she's a drug addict, her morals and judgment have dramatically changed.(to say the least) Things that just aren't ok are fine with her.
Ok, sorry so long and thanks for the rant. I don't want to lose my daughter. She is beautiful, intelligent, and could be anything she wanted to be. Like your children, she's wasting a chance at life just to do drugs. She had only been shooting up a few days when she overdosed. The first time she drank she blacked out. She has no stopping sense at all. If she continues to use I have no doubt she will die. I just can't believe how my family has fallen apart so quickly.
I just feel so dumb for sitting thru all her activities over the years and thinking to myself how everyone must just think my daughter is terrific, and they pretty much did. For that reason alone, she has been given so many "breaks," even in the court system (I used to be a probation officer) by people thinking she would straighten up if given another opportunity. Drugs really are satan. Now I hate running into people because they never ask about my sons, only my daughter. How's she doing, where's she playing ball now, when's she coming home, what's she majoring in? You get what I mean.
