I think all you can do further is continue to talk to her about him. When parents lose a child, often no one wants to speak of the child anymore, out of fear that it will cause the parents so much further grief. But to act like that child never existed is even more painful.
Write to her from time to time of your happy memories of him, and let her know you are thinking of her.
What an awful tragedy.
I agree. I've stressed in all my writings so far that he will remain in my heart forever because I think a mother would want to hear that.
It is a tragedy. Someone commented that if the boy could now go back to one day before he probably wouldn't do it--which strikes me as so true.
I think MartiInMexico is right - keep talking about the boy and listen as she needs to talk. It will be hard on her as she watches kids she knows that are his age grow older and get married and live life. You are so kind and supportive to want to help her through this.
Being a person with severe depression, I have faced suicidal tendancies several times in my lifetime, starting in my late teens. My attempts were made to stop a desperate, critical, and immediate pain that did not allow me to think logically. I'm grateful today that I'm still alive. I wish this boy had been able to reach out to a hospital for help, instead of taking his own life.
How horrible ... Maybe you could create a montage of photos you have of him and send them to her. I think like Marti says, knowing others are mourning him and still thinking of him might be a comfort to his parents.
A friend of mine lost her 21 year old daughter to drug abuse/overdose a few years ago. Her grief was so hard to witness. My oldest daughter was the same age, they went to school together, and my friend and I would trade "war stories" about our respective Difficult Daughters. I was never so grateful to see my Difficult Daughter then after the memorial service for the one now gone. Every year on the anniversary of her daughter's death I send my friend a rose as I know she's having a painful day.
Kelly, I'm grateful you are still alive, too.
You are a great friend, keep in touch via cards etc... just to let them know that you have not forgotten them or their beloved son...
Thanks everyone. Kelly--I've been in that same boat as well which makes this doubly tough for me because I can imagine what that poor boy was feeling. People keep asking me why did he do it, and I think "oh honey, if you can ask that then you have never been in that boat"--because anyone who has felt that low knows the why though the catalyst may be different.
The rose is a beautiful suggestion SueAnne--you are such a wonderful being.
I was thinking of copying the few pictures I have of him--I was wondering though if I should put a warning on the outside of the envelope that it contains pictures? There may be days for her when she would rather not face that, kwim? They would all be of him at age 6 or younger because that is when we knew him/them. And I know for me thinking of him as young, innocent,and happy is particularly painful. I can only imagine her grief over it.
Sure - you could put "Do not bend - photos" on the outside of the envelope and I bet she'd realize what they were without having the post office knowing her business. I bet she would really appreciate that gesture!
