I wish I could give you advice, but I feel the same way. I have met some great men on the single's site, but none of them a match. But all very nice. I go out with friends who are in thier 40's and 50's. The men 60 mostly like the younger ladies. What's funny is my younger friends like the younger men. So it's interesting. I go to karaoke with them and Happpy hours. I go to business functions, chamber mixers, etc. And a couple of our local churches have singles groups.
I think I have found that they are out there and I just don't give off the right vibes just yet. Hang in there. Something will happen.
I begin my 5th year of being a widow in January. And you have explained everything accuately for me also.
I see you are on two 'widowed' type groups here on Eons. And you talk quite a bit in your introduction about being a widow.
Perhaps your identity is that of a 'widow', and not of a 'single available' person. If one's first thought about themselves is 'I am a widow/widower/', then one gives off that vibe.
Think about it. Would you want to date someone who primarily thinks of himself as a widower? That means the connection to the deceased spouse is still vibrant. I, personally, don't want a third party in the middle of any potential relationship I am building with a man.
JMNSHO, as always.
Marti makes a great point! I am divorced and was ready to be divorced so I have always thought of myself as available. I doubt anyone is ready to be a widow/widower. But as for dating advice, just keep putting yourself out there. I am always amazed that so many women say that older men are only interested in younger women. I have not encountered that myself.
Welcome to the club! One of the hardest things to do is find someone to date when you feel that you are ready. I am at that point now. After my last devastating breakup I was miserable for 3 years. Now it is the 4th year and I feel I have regained my emotional balance and am ready to move on. Unfortunately I am now 4 years older, had the wind knocked out of my sails so I am not so willing to take risks anymore and I find myself without anyone to date. Needless to say I am lonely but just don't have the opportunity to meet anyone that I might be interested in. I tried online dating for a number of years and did not like that at all. I felt like I was getting nowhere. I used to enjoy going to dances but they have long disappeared in my neck of the woods. Spotted one guy at church that I liked but found out he was married. Also liked another guy I worked on a project with but found out he was married also. Eons guys are nice but seem kind of gun shy. So what's a girl to do?
Marti, good point I was also a widow, when you stop feeling like a widow and go to feeling like a single woman its all in the body language. Im not saying going from mourning black to bright red (I wear a lot of black) but its how you carry yourself. East, I can tell you when you least expect someone to come along it happens. Wanting it so badly (in my opinion) makes you appear needy and it scares men. Also find men who just want to be friends not go head first into wanting a relationship, you never know what can happen.... JMO
Wow,, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this subject, I appreciate it ,I feel better already, I am a new member of Eons . So far I love exploring this site , It has so much to offer and more groups then you can imagine. Martin , thank you for your remarks regarding my identity as a widow . You know I don't even like the word WIDOW and very seldom use it . I think it's important though to let others know that I am a widow , it's something that we can relate to on a deeper level and may help us bond if we have both had the same experience ..
Gnibaby , I understand what you mean about body language . I noticed a shift this year in the way I felt and carried myself , I was attracted attention . I'm guessing these men were not available and just having a look, who knows ? The Buddhist say that desire causes suffering , oh man,I can agree with that. I realize that I need to make a change and let go of wanting , let it be , enjoy my life just the way it is .I know it's true that you can't rush fate , you don't know what's in your future. One of my friends who lost her husband found her new man on a hike , it was raining and he caught up to her and offered his umbrella , they have been married now for 5 yrs.
Hey,, it's raining now ...see you later ...haha Tina .
Martiln,, sorry I spelled your name incorrectly I see it's not Martin ...another senior's moment for me....,By the way I love your place in Mexico ..Tina
Gingersnap723... thank you for your advice ,glad to hear that the older men in your town are not so fussy . Anakris ,,,Sorry to hear about your painful breakup . I can truly relate to your on line dating experience . I'm sure that I picked the wrong dating sites , my encounters were so bad that they will never be spoken and certainly will never be seen in print anywhere. Tina
