Ginger mentioned in a previous post to me (very correctly I might ad) that I need to be aware of my good history in love and react accordingly, and intelligently. Everyone can tell (including me !) that I'm actively seeking another loving relationship, like the one I had. I have shunned one nite stands and anyone that did not seem a practical or long term prospect. I expect to live happily ever after ??? I have to admit my last relationship has affected my outlook for any new one, and there is the possibility I'll get slam dunked. So I have purposefully tried to slow me down and proceed cautiously. But for me I must try ! on the other hand I have read posts and replies where I could tell that person was in a bad relationship and will be difficult to trust another, some you can tell were emotionally damaged and are destined to be alone. (and happier that way) What is your love history and do you let it affect the way you look for love or the posibility of having another relationship ?
My love history when I was young, was bad. I was always attracted to the 'badboys" that weren't good for me. 1 short bad marriage and a relationship that should have ended in marriage but didn't. Instead it gave me my daughter. I was the winner!
I stopped dating for a long time while I was raising my daughter. She didn't need to see different men in my life or get attached to anyone.
9 years ago, I met the love of my life. He was far from perfect,but we had a pretty good relationship.Four years later, he took his life. I knew he'd been fighting depression over many issues and had tried in every way I could to help him and get him to get help, to no avail.
Now, I find myself at first glance, attracted to the badboys still, but my mind kicks in and throws up that big red NO! I would love to find the man that has the integrity,work ethic,intelligence, plus the love, warmth and compassion that my sweetheart had. I'm not looking for another *him* but he had a lot of good qualities that I want in a mate.
There's nothing more that I'd love than to spend the rest of my days with someone that's close enough to perfect for me! =)
livlovlife......I must be out of the loop I thought you had met someone special on POF. As for me, I married for the first time at 23 yrs. of age and she divorced me almost 18 years later. I was a single parent for the next 8 years and as Happyin WIBren stated I didn't need my boys seeing different women coming and going.........I dated 3 different women (usually at different times ) during those 8 years. I married for the second time when I was 48 years old, 3 years later I was standing by myself in our bedroom saying outloud " I can't f-cking believe I did this again ". I went to my lawyer and filed for divorce. At 51 years old I faced the prospect that a 3rd divorce would mean that I would never retire....like most people I entered each marriage thinking that it would be forever........so I weighed my options and decided that retirement was my priority. What I have come to believe is that what makes me a fun date is also what makes me bad husband material......I've always bought expensive convertibles, I love to gamble....casino's etc., like fine dining, theater, and traveling........I never spent more then I could afford and never needed someone else's help to support my lifestyle..........as a date it was......... what fun, a convertible, some gambling etc...........flashforward and the women who became my wives viewed everything differently....after all it was our money....so it became "How much did that car cost?" " How much money did you lose?" You get the picture. I never behaved differently after I married.......guess that was a problem. Now I watch football all day on Saturday and bet on the games, the woman I'm seeing hates football....the conversation is " Are you watching football all day" "yes" "well then I'll be going ------- ------ -----( whatever interests her) " then she says " Did you want to do anything tonight?" and I say "let's go to a restaurant" to which she replies pleasantly "What time do you want to go?" Everyone is happy. My life consists of doing what I please, pretty much when I please.....and as Dan Fogelburg sang "If you're going my way I'll go with you". I have many friends on and off eons, travel alot..........and basically love the life I'm leading.
cary I am with the lady from POF, and she is perfect for me ginger was telling me to be carefull because coming from a good relationship and being a widow that we tend to jump into a relationship quickly trying to get back what we had. I agree with her And you hear all the people who don't want a relationship on here and I was wondering if it might be the opposite of me coming from a bad relationship people may be reluctant or gun shy so to say. Some of the women on here and a man or two sound like they were crushed by someone and some of the women never miss a chance to say how bad men are and it just seems that we oldsters are all products of our past love experiences to some degree
My history is that I was married twice and engaged once......all were controlling in their own way and 2 were heavy drinkers. In spite of that record, I keep looking because I think you have to make yourself vulnerable again if you really want a relationship with someone. My marriages were long term, 24-1/2 and 19 years. I tried my darndest to make a go of it with them. I hung in there too long and regret that now. Here I am at 69 and alone again. I have been for 5 years. I live in a small town so there is nobody to meet.......I can't move because I can't afford to live in a larger city. I have tried online dating sites and have not had a lot of luck because I think 95% of them are liars. It is like trying to find a needle in a haystack! For 69, I am attractive and not too far off on the weight mark but I am thinking more and more, I will be alone the rest of my life. The thing that keeps me going are my 5 wonderful children and 13 grand children. They have always been very supportive of me.
I was married for 24 years..and on my own for the last 12 years. I have moments when I think I'd like to have someone in my life...and then I wonder if I really want to 'share my space'. It's a constant struggle in my mind.
susie, let the struggle go. I was married 25 years, single 12 and was not sure I wanted to share my space either. Then I met someone who caused me not to ask the question. One needs to keep faith in a positive future.
I would never say NEVER...........but I think alot of us have learned that it is better to be alone, then to be with someone and wish you were alone. If you are happy alone, then you have a positive future.........if you meet someone who you feel will make a good life better........then that is also a positive future. Living alone does not in itself define whether a person is happy or not. I love doing whatever pleases me without reaching a consensus with someone else...........for example......my original retirement plan was to visit a different location every winter. My first winter I went to Florida and loved it, my second winter I went to Sedona and was blown away by the beauty...........suddenly this winter I'm heading for Sedona again........now a life partner might be fine with all of this....but it's not inconceivable that I'd hear "but we agreed that we would go somewhere different every year" or " but I liked Florida better, why can't we go back there? " I can't argue that if you are 1/2 of a couple then each person should have an equal voice..........let me just say, without droning on about this..........that so far I prefer an uncomplicated life.
Was married 31 years..got married when we were both 20. We had four wonderful boys...and as time went on and the boys got older we just grew apart had different interests. He like to stay home with a beer and sit and watch TV, I like to go, go go, travel, dancing out to restaurants. Which would have been fine but he didnt like me to go out. So it was either conform to sitting home and watching the boob tube or doing my own thing. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but I did it and now I do what I please when I please...and I like that feeling!! Maybe someday I'll find someone who feels the same but for now I am happy with me.
Cg is right about a positive future...that is totally up to you. Doesn't matter if you are single, married, or live in a commune. Too many worries about what will be and what will not be. If you are happy now, pray continue as you are! If not, figure out why and do something about it! It is easy to find excuses for being unhappy or not satisfied; but that is what they are....excuses. You don't need to explain why you are as you are...and you don't need excuses. The words "love, happy, and even fun" all refer to a state of mind. And only you should be controlling your state of mind. If someone else is in charge....well, see cg, he is in charge of the counselling department.....
I was married for 22 years to a wonderful woman. At least 20 years of that marriage were great. I would not give much for the last two years. In the last two years our children grew up and left home, I was struggling with my own business, she got a top security job that was very stressful and she could not discuss and we grew further and further apart. We rarely saw each other in the last two years. I sought comfort and company in the arms of a younger woman (HOT!) and then I got run over on my motorbike. The wife saw the accident as an opportunity to get rid of me and she divorced me while I was still on crutches. Since then, I have yet to meet a woman with the intelligence, integrity, compassion and tenderness that my wife had for me for 20 years. I have met women my age and older who are lonely, odd, racked with obsessive-compulsive habits, intolerant, horny and very opinionated. It has been a shock for me to observe how time takes away compassion from older women in general and has helped me understand why many American men attempt to import wives from abroad who have more traditional values and a real sense of family. Even women I've met who claim to "Love God" and be Christians seem to wear this claim as a hysterical coat that fits them poorly. And as Don Henley wrote, "You can see them there, on Sunday morning. Stand up and sing about, what it's like up there. They call it paradise. I don't know why. You call something paradise and kiss it goodbye."
