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I was surprised. My oldest (21) at first took it the hardest. He was very angry at me for leaving. My youngest (13) was very understanding and mature about it all, and my 14 yrs. old could care less.

Now 2 1/2 years later.......my 23 yr old comes to visit me and my boyfriend and hasn't spoke to his father for almost a year.... my 15 yr.old is good to his father and I new partners.....my 16 year could still care less, although he doesn't want anything to do with his father or mines new partners.

It's really a mixed bag that changes all the time. I think bottom line is that their NEVER 'ok' with it. They just except/deal/block whatever makes it easy for them. In all honesty, I think I do the same thing........

My new partner is fantastic and almost everything I wanted in a man. However, there will always be a part of me deep down that wishes it was my ex who magically got these qualities and we were still together as a family. I think the kids deep down wish that to but would never admit it (their all boys).

But hey, life has to go on whether we want it to or not. We just learn to make lemonade outta lemons.......as hard as that may be at times. But we do it.

Sometimes the kids that appear to be handling "their" divorce (and it is "their" divorce too) the best are in reality the most troubled by it. A child's defenses can be just as thick as an adult's. Only time will tell how all of them really felt about "their" divorce. You may not see the affect it had on them until much later. If they are already adults maybe only their therapists or friends really know what their true feelings are.

My 20 year old still tells me that our divorce has absolutely no effect on him. Of course, he has not yet been home from Air Force training yet and will come back during Christmas week. And 'home' is no longer the place he grew up. At least I live in our old city. He seems to think he can just hang out with his old friends for two weeks and won't spend much time with either me or his dad. Some day he'll figure out that it is Mom and Dad who are always there when he needs us.

His dad bought a billiard/air hockey/ping pong table for his home that I no longer live at. He never played any of that with me in 20 years and doesn't have any friends that hang out with him to play, but it may be something my son can bring his friends to do when he visits his dad. His dad still does not trust any of my son's friends and is worried that they will steal from him when he lets them stay over.

I wonder about my son's long term ability to commit to a woman, but it is beyond my control. He is so far from being ready for a real relationship. I also want to know more about what he really thinks, but I have wanted that for a long time and he doesn't share.

Well I thought my kids were doing okay but maybe not.

My oldest could care less. He is 25 and been on his own for 7 years - though he is back at his father's house now.

My youngest -18 - blamed me for breaking up her family but now seems to be doing better. She has always been a "daddy's girl" so I expected her to take his side.

My oldest daughter - 22 - she is the surprise. Even before the split she asked if when her sister graduated from high school if we were getting a divorce. But yesterday she was the one who sent me a nasty text about "abandoning your family on Thanksgiving." I offered to go over there and cook but was told they all had other plans so I made some of my own.

We are seriously considering a split. Evidently my wife discusses this with the kids (ages 18 and 20). I do not belive in doing that. We shouldn't say a word until the decision is made. But she does things her way. They've watched us work out our problems and have learned much that is positive from it. But now I worry how they may react if we split up. Will it undermine their college careers with emotion, etc. At the same time, I tend not to be too concerned. Either this is because I trust in their strength, or because my parents divorced when I was four and never gave much thought to how it would effect me and so I have grown callouses. Am I calloused? Or just being realistic as to what to worry about and what not?

A friend once told me not to do it because it would destroy the kids even though they're adults. I'm thinking, no, it's because they're adults the consequences will be minimal. I just don't know; and how much should the decision depend on that anyway?