Happy Holidays
Hello to all my fellow group members. It seems that of late things here are very quiet and I pray that means that each of you are on solid ground and doing well. In my experience as a greif recovery counselor I have found however that this is not always the case. With that in mind and the thought of it being just a little over a week and it will begin the "holiday season" I wonder if the quiet is brought about by that. Please allow me to share a little with you....this may have a little length to it but I would like to share the thoughts and things I have learned and teach in my groups.
Helen Keller wrote that "the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched, but are felt in the heart". Holidays and special days touch our hearts. And now, because of the death of your loved one, the holidays or special days will touch your heart in a different way. Some things you will be facing alone, or with one less person in your circle. Some things you will do for the first time, and you may be frightened. Don't let your fear keep you from celebrating. Instead, acknowledge and embrace your grief and all the pain and fear that come with it. It is real and it is a part of who you are . Above all, remember that you are grieving because you have loved. There's not a person I know who would give up the pain of their loss if it meant giving up the joy of having received love and companionship from the person who has died.
Even though holidays, and special days are usually joyous celebrations filled with rituals, traditions and love, these special days can be surprisingly painful for those who have been touched by death. It is normal that instead of lifting our heads and hearts with memories that we carry for a lifetime, these days remind us of just how long it has been "since"........
Observances that used to be fun-filled may be overshadowed by anxiety, apprehension and sadness. Once again you are faced with the reality that your family photo is forever changed. You may not feel up to celebrating new memories, so you decide instead to just hang onto the old ones as your past and your present seem to collide. This can send us on a downward spiral of despair, isolation and hoplessness. Even though it may not seem like it to you, it is normal for you to feel this way as the holidays approach. Facing the holidays can be one of the most challenging and difficult experiences you have to endure.
One reason is the onslaught of messages you receive about the upcoming special days. The calendar, retail stores, television, radio, newspapers and even your own family remind you that time must move forward, just when you want the clock to stop. It is still going to be the holidays no matter what you do. You can waste a lot of time and precious energy trying to ignore holidays or other special days, or you can use that energy to find new ways to celebrate. Another reason holidays can be tough is that the fast pace of life makes it difficult for you to hang onto valuable rituals and traditions. Maybe things are changing so quickly that you can't even find time to carry out your favorite traditions. Did you know that your grief can distort the traditions that you are able to hang onto? Suddenly, all the holidays you shared with your loved one who had died were all perfect. How could this year's celebration ever live up to those?
All of these things make it more important than ever that you keep some rituals and traditions in your life. They will give you structure and a sense of control. They give you a glimmpse of meaning and an affirmation of belonging. They anchor you to your past and give you stable footing for your future. But you want to embrace these rituals and traditions in a realistic way that serves to heal you, not mearly trap you with a long list of things to do.
Do only what you feel you can handle! Embrace and allow yourself to experience all the turmoil of emotions...don't fight them....they are yours and they are real.
Above all remember it does get easier in time. Know that we are here for you at this holiday time as always but if this seems to be an even more difficult time for you please contact one of us to help you or find someone close by you to turn to...it can be a very difficult time to go it alone...don't try.
Thanks for letting me share and know that I care about each of you. I am here for you if I can help in anyway.
God Bless each of you
Hugs of friendship
Jarcy
Helen Keller wrote that "the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched, but are felt in the heart". Holidays and special days touch our hearts. And now, because of the death of your loved one, the holidays or special days will touch your heart in a different way. Some things you will be facing alone, or with one less person in your circle. Some things you will do for the first time, and you may be frightened. Don't let your fear keep you from celebrating. Instead, acknowledge and embrace your grief and all the pain and fear that come with it. It is real and it is a part of who you are . Above all, remember that you are grieving because you have loved. There's not a person I know who would give up the pain of their loss if it meant giving up the joy of having received love and companionship from the person who has died.
Even though holidays, and special days are usually joyous celebrations filled with rituals, traditions and love, these special days can be surprisingly painful for those who have been touched by death. It is normal that instead of lifting our heads and hearts with memories that we carry for a lifetime, these days remind us of just how long it has been "since"........
Observances that used to be fun-filled may be overshadowed by anxiety, apprehension and sadness. Once again you are faced with the reality that your family photo is forever changed. You may not feel up to celebrating new memories, so you decide instead to just hang onto the old ones as your past and your present seem to collide. This can send us on a downward spiral of despair, isolation and hoplessness. Even though it may not seem like it to you, it is normal for you to feel this way as the holidays approach. Facing the holidays can be one of the most challenging and difficult experiences you have to endure.
One reason is the onslaught of messages you receive about the upcoming special days. The calendar, retail stores, television, radio, newspapers and even your own family remind you that time must move forward, just when you want the clock to stop. It is still going to be the holidays no matter what you do. You can waste a lot of time and precious energy trying to ignore holidays or other special days, or you can use that energy to find new ways to celebrate. Another reason holidays can be tough is that the fast pace of life makes it difficult for you to hang onto valuable rituals and traditions. Maybe things are changing so quickly that you can't even find time to carry out your favorite traditions. Did you know that your grief can distort the traditions that you are able to hang onto? Suddenly, all the holidays you shared with your loved one who had died were all perfect. How could this year's celebration ever live up to those?
All of these things make it more important than ever that you keep some rituals and traditions in your life. They will give you structure and a sense of control. They give you a glimmpse of meaning and an affirmation of belonging. They anchor you to your past and give you stable footing for your future. But you want to embrace these rituals and traditions in a realistic way that serves to heal you, not mearly trap you with a long list of things to do.
Do only what you feel you can handle! Embrace and allow yourself to experience all the turmoil of emotions...don't fight them....they are yours and they are real.
Above all remember it does get easier in time. Know that we are here for you at this holiday time as always but if this seems to be an even more difficult time for you please contact one of us to help you or find someone close by you to turn to...it can be a very difficult time to go it alone...don't try.
Thanks for letting me share and know that I care about each of you. I am here for you if I can help in anyway.
God Bless each of you
Hugs of friendship
Jarcy
