ABOUT OLDER FOLKS
At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy...
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with
me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as
Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter,
Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not
ready
to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep
that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]
phone I
am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in
line
at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50
yards
was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it
and
I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside
was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.
Every
10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would
think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate
me.
She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at
the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was
not
good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of
the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as
Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't
figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run
around
digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty
laundry
baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up
every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I
check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused
but
I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I
just
say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.." Then it's their turn
to
stare at me with a blank look.
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with
me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as
Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter,
Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not
ready
to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep
that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]
phone I
am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in
line
at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50
yards
was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it
and
I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside
was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.
Every
10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would
think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate
me.
She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at
the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was
not
good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of
the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as
Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't
figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run
around
digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty
laundry
baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up
every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I
check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused
but
I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I
just
say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.." Then it's their turn
to
stare at me with a blank look.
