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As soon as he walked into the room, he knew his life was about to change forever. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he lowered his eyes and stared at the floor. For a moment, silence filled the room. Feeling the awkwardness of the moment, Miss Shoemaker, the woman in charge of the orphanage, cleared her throat and asked Wiley to come closer. The boy hesitated, until the old witch, as the older children of the orphanage referred to Miss Shoemaker, cleared her throat again. Slowly putting one foot in front of the other, Wiley moved toward the woman and her two companions.

“Wiley, I want you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Alton. They’re considering adopting you.” As Agatha Shoemaker spoke a slight twisted smile spread across her lips. Wiley raised his head and looked directly into her cold, blue eyes.

“What about my brother and sister?” Wiley asked. He fought hard to control his own voice.

“Well, they’re not interested in the younger children. They are looking for an older boy and I think you are exactly what they are looking for.”

The man, a tall thin middle aged man stood looking hard at Wiley. He slowly walked closer to the boy and circled him. “He’s a might scrawny,” the stranger finally spoke.

“How old is the girl?” the woman standing next to Miss Shoemaker asked.

“Well, she’s just ten.” Agatha replied.

“I might could use her in the house. Is she big for her age?”

“I wish she were. She could certainly be of more help around here,” Miss Shoemaker said, her tone was sharp.

“I ain’t going nowhere less my brother and sister go with me,” Wiley declared. Agatha raised one eyebrow as she stared hard at the obstinate boy.

“You will do as you are told. You’re lucky we took you three in when your folks died. You should be grateful, not hard headed,” the woman spoke in a low, controlled voice.

“We’ll take ‘em,” the man spoke again. “Have him get his things together. It’s a long ways home. We’ll wait outside in the wagon.” The couple walked toward the door and disappeared from the room.

“Go on and get your stuff, young man and you’d better be back here in my office pretty quick.”

“Can I say goodbye to Marvin and Sissy?”

“Yes, but be quick about it!”

Wiley left the room and hurried up the wooden stairs to the second floor of the old building. Looking around, he saw his brother and sister sitting together on an old bench in the hallway. Rushing to them he spoke quietly.

“Don’t ask any questions and don’t make a sound. We’re getting out of this place. Now, come on!” The siblings followed their older brother without question, knowing he had a reason for rushing them quietly down the steps and out of the back door of the orphanage. He knew Miss Shoemaker would already be looking for him. Possibly, she’d already realized Marvin and Sissy were missing too.

“We’ve gotta go quick,” Wiley urged the two younger children. Realizing the little girl would slow them down, Wiley picked her up and moved quickly toward the railroad water tower just outside town. He knew the trains always stopped there after leaving the depot.

“What we gonna do, Wiley? Miss Shoemaker’s gonna beat all of us,” Marvin said, almost stumbling over a tree root.

“We gonna hide near the water tower till a train stops fer water. Then we gonna get in a box car and go wherever it takes us. Miss Shoemaker was about to give me to some folks that wouldn’t take you’ll and I promised mama I’d keep you kids with me.”

“Wiley, you only thirteen years old. How you gonna take care of us?”

“Don’t you worry bout that, Marvin. Jest keep up with me. We’re almost there and we’ll hide till a train comes along.”

The group topped the small hill and looked toward the water tower, a few hundred yards away. “Oh man, hurry. There’s a train there now. We gotta get on it,” Wiley said, pushing himself harder. The children reached the tracks and saw a box car with its doors open. Wiley quickly sat Sissy inside the car and reached to help Marvin up. Once the two younger children were safely aboard, Wiley pulled himself aboard and the three retreated to a dark corner just as the train began to move. “Wow, we just made it,” Wiley marveled. He closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He was unaware of the eyes that watched him and his siblings from the other end of the boxcar. Had the children finally found a friend or had they?

Sunny, you played on my emotions in this story. I hurt for the young boy when he was told he would be adopted and separated from his sister and brother. You had me disliking Miss Shoemaker and the man who was looking to adopt a boy just to put him to work. I was proud of Wiley for asserting himself, and when he had no other choice he took his siblings and ran. But then, I felt concern for three young children trying to take on the world all alone. At the end you left me wondering, friend or foe? I would definitely want to keep reading.

Here are a few catches:

For a moment, Silence filled the room. Feeling the awkwardness of the moment, Miss Shoemaker, the woman in charge of the orphanage, cleared her throat and asked Wiley to come closer.

“Go on and get your stuff, young man(,) and you’d better be back here in my office pretty quick.”

We’re getting out of this place now, come on!”

I promised Mama I’d keep you kids with me.”

“Don’t you worry bout that, Marvin. Jest keep up with me. We’re almost there and we’ll hide till a train comes along.” (You said this already a couple paragraphs up.)

“Wow, we just made it(,this comma should be a period because marveled is not a form of speaking.)” Wiley marveled.

You followed the prompt to a T, very good first page! :)

Thanks, Carol. You made some excellent suggestions. This was a great critique!

Thanks again - Sunny

"As soon as he walked into the room, he knew his life was about to change forever." Actually he had always “known.” He just had waited for their choosing of the time. The time was now, and these four walls held the eye of the hurricane, the instrument of justice. This place had become the hallowed hall of the true “Decider.” Every head turned in his direction. They were waiting, waiting for him.

It had all been going so well, his being incognito, unknown. He had made some decisions, delayed others. He stood back and just did as he always did. Never interfered, just provided opportunities, let them make their own beds, tell their own stories, he was just a bit more hands on than usual. He liked that. He liked it a lot. Interpersonal relationship, team work, face time, he liked their descriptors for interaction. He relished that people had morphed into something other than primarily primitive animals to almost enlightened beings. Yeah, this time around really fit him like a glove. He was actually having some fun with the deadly serious. No having to wait for years. No search for proxies to leave behind and make a royal mess of things. No just him -- close, personal, and hands on, one on one, letting them have their say and them without a shadow of doubt just who was doing the interviewing and why.

He sighed and shook his head. He knew he had to leave his adopted persona behind, go back to the original script, the mass deletion. The judging was to be finished. People were hopeless and pretty much off the scale on the stupid meter. He cared probably just too much. This had been just one last ditch attempt, but as he had already known from the beginning -- now was the time. There were just no more second chances, no more time to get it right, just collect the debt and with what was left change “His” world forever.

He could see the headlines. Smelled the fear of some, the derision of others, the doubters and the believers all reading the same page -- “God found -- Undercover as a Investigative Reporter for the Washington Post. and he so loved Internet, “every eye shall see and every ear hear!”

RaeLyn,
Good imaginative piece. You held my interest even without any dialogue to advance the action. Thank you for the interesting read. :)
Caredoe