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From Healthy and Green Living - By Rebecca Brown

As I crammed myself onto a crowded train this morning, I noticed there was a very pregnant woman standing near me, jammed in tightly and hanging on for dear life. I looked at the passengers sitting in the seats that are supposed to be surrendered to the elderly, physically challenged, and other people who need to sit, and all of them were listening to iPods. Most of them were also texting or reviewing email, one person was reading on a Kindle, and two people were watching movies. Not one of them even looked up; everyone was too absorbed in what they were listening to, reading, or watching to even notice the protruding belly and flushed face of the pregnant passenger.

Over the past few years, there have been countless discussions on minding our manners within our new modes of communication. Is it rude to text someone and ask him on a date? When is it appropriate to forward an email? Do we befriend someone on a social networking site we’ve only met once?

But while we’ve been debating the dos and don’ts of technology etiquette, it appears that many of us have forgotten some of the old school manners that our parents, grandparents, and teachers taught us–manners that have nothing to do with a keyboard or a monitor, but have everything to do with the long-forgotten Golden Rule. Maybe technology has eroded our brains so much that we can never go back to those golden days, but there are a few simple courtesies that I’d like to see make a comeback.

HOLD DOORS FOR PEOPLE. - This doesn’t just mean men holding doors for women–anyone who has the arm strength to hold a door for someone should. Holding a door shows that we’re paying attention to what’s going on around us and that we care about others even if they’re a complete stranger. That little bit of awareness also helps take our minds off the busy, crappy day we might be having. Plus, it’s a nice and unexpected way to pay it forward, kind of like smiling at a stranger. Hold the door for someone and someone else will hold it for you later.

GIVE UP SEATS. - Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter of Emily Post and author of How Do You Work This Life Thing?, says this is one practice she’d like to see happen more often. “Giving up your seat to someone is so easy. Even when people don’t accept your offer, I think it’s nice to get up and stay standing so they know you’re sincere. The more that we become the good example, the more it will catch on.”

Most of us were taught that it’s good manners to give up our seat to the elderly, pregnant, and physically challenged. But if we pay attention on trains, buses, in waiting areas, and other places where people stand, we might notice someone else outside those categories who could also use a seat–like someone carrying a bulky box or a heavy load of groceries. Common sense should prevail; if you see a situation where you think you’d prefer to sit, it’s a good idea to offer your seat.

MIND YOUR TELEPHONE MANNERS. - Our chief etiquette concern back in the “olden” days of telephones was remembering to write down a message when someone called. Now that we can take our phones anywhere and use them to do scores of things beyond just making telephone calls, our problems have spiraled out of control. Obnoxious ringtones, picking up calls in public places, sending a text message when a call would be more appropriate, and subjecting innocent bystanders to inappropriate conversations are just a few common telephone missteps.

But Post says that many of our phone snafus could be corrected if we’d follow one simple rule. “Excusing yourself to take a phone call in a private place is something I’d like to see more of. We’re so used to people being on the phone now that this isn’t a common practice anymore.” But what if we we’re in a place where we can’t step out to take a call? Post recommends to keep it brief and to keep the conversation appropriate. “Making plans is okay,” she says. “[But] if you’re gossiping, talking badly about someone, or saying something inappropriate, those should be closed-door conversations.”

LET THOSE INSIDE THE ELEVATOR EXIT BEFORE YOU ENTER. - You know the scene. The elevator doors open and a crowd of people waiting to get on rushes toward you, making it difficult to get out. Post says the onus of politeness falls on those waiting for an elevator, meaning they should clear the exit path for anyone getting off and not enter the elevator until it’s clear. She also recommends that waiting until all people exit is a good rule to follow before entering anything–restaurants, shops, dressing rooms, etc.

INTRODUCE PEOPLE. - In Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget’s friend Shazza nails it when she advises Bridget to “introduce people with thoughtful detail.” Walking up to a group of people and never getting introduced is awkward and rude. This is often a sign that the person who should do the introductions has forgotten a name, which makes a great case for simply asking the person in question to tell you their name again. It also proves that introducing someone with some details and flair makes a difference; the person on the receiving end of the introduction will have more information to use when committing a name to memory.

SAY PLEASE, THANK YOU, AND YOU'RE WELCOME. - It sounds simple, but the magic words really do work magic. Using them shows our appreciation for what someone is about to do or has done for us. Says Post, “Pretty much everyone says thank you, which is fantastic. But I would love to hear more people use ‘please’ and “you’re welcome.” If I say ‘thank you’ back to you and not ‘you’re welcome,’ that’s overriding your ‘thank you.’” Our moms weren’t just being cute when they told us we would catch more flies with honey. “Please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” are some of the sweetest–and most useful–words in our language.

RESPECT ELDERS. - Recently someone I know well surprised me by saying that he thought respecting our elders was a silly courtesy since not everyone deserves to be respected just because of his or her age. Touche. But how about simply showing them civility and common courtesy? An elder is, by definition, someone who has lived longer than we have, so they’ve accumulated more experiences and thus, more wisdom. We don’t have to agree with their wisdom, but acknowledging that there might be some helpful information that comes from their experience is nice. It’s also considerate to express gratitude to a related elder who helped pave the way and/or care for you or a family member who came before you, such as a mother or uncle.

HANDWRITE THANK-YOU NOTES. - Paper correspondence in general seems to be a dying practice and unfortunately, handwritten thank-you notes are part of the casualties. I know I’m often guilty of sending a thank-you email when I’m pressed for time, which seems to have made its way on the list of accepted practices. But it’s that taking of time that really shows our appreciation. Anyone can send an email, but finding a nice piece of stationery or note card, handwriting our thanks, finding a stamp (who has those anymore?), and then getting to a mailbox to actually send it goes above and beyond in expressing our gratitude.

Sophisticated technology doesn’t mean that good manners have to be a thing of the past. In fact, Post says she defines good manners using three simple, everyday principles: consideration, respect, and honesty. “Apply those to any situation and toward all the people involved–including yourself–and [the solution] will make sense.”

The only one I am sometimes guilty of is the handwritten thank you notes.....and that's really funny because that is one thing that I always made my daughter do.

I'm also guilty of that one sometimes, annie. I've also been guilty about not introducing someone because I've forgotten a name, and I'm not assertive enough to ask the person to tell me their name again! Then, when it comes to elevators, when there's only been one or two people getting off an elevator, and they've hesitated, I've entered the elevator before they get off. A few changes are in order for me!!

The elevator etiquette is one of my major pet peeves! People waiting always plow directly into the folks trying to exit as soon as the doors open. You need to prepare for combat to get off the elevator!

Then there is the strangest thing of watching a couple out to dinner and they are BOTH talking to someone else on their cell phones! Not happily married or what?!

But worst of all is the disrespect today's youth has for our elders. My wonderful next door neighbor 92 years young, saw some kids toss their garbage on the sidewalk and he called to them to pick it up. They hollered the "F" word back at him. And no, they did not pick up their garbage. I was so ticked off I wanted to find those brats and grab them by their collars and drag them back for an apology!

I know I sound like my parents now, but what the heck is happening to our once civil society?

I raised my son with manners, and when I call him he answers the phone with "Yes, Maam". He is in the Army now and has been for about 4 years and his politeness didn't have to be learned as others did. He still opens the door for people, especially his mother. Before he was 2 years old, I was asking him to open the door for his mother. It stuck.

I raised my kids to have good manners and my daughter is doing the same. Last month I took my six year old grandson to the movies and for ice cream after. Several people commented in the ice cream place about how well mannered my grandson was. I had classmates who had the manners of barn yard animals and my ex was raised to have good manners, but he forgot all of that a long the way.
It was a challenge to teach kids good manners when their dad was a pig at the dinner table and in his interactions with people. People were shocked to hear that he was college educated and a business owner.
I think the manners problem has been around forever. People just choose not remember.

My kids make me proud too...Softball, I have to smile at your son's phone response...My youngest attended a university in VA for two years before transferring back north to finish his education in Philadelphia...Somehow during those two years, which he holds dear to his heart, he acquired several very lovely "southernisms" one of which was Yes and No Maam and Yes and No Sir...People continue to compliment us both on how he conducts himself...A true gentleman.

I'm a Yankee transplant living in Atlanta and the first thing I picked up was the yes and no, ma'am and sir. Adding the ma'am or sir is what makes it so Southern but it also softens the guttural, one syllable response.

I fall short many times when I get a compliment and I am so flustered that I forget to say 'thank you' first before making my usual response, i.e. 'oh, this old thing...' You know what I'm talking about. LOL. Otherwise I usually am polite, offer my seat on the rapid transit train or in a crowded waiting room, etc. The elevator issue is also a problem on the train. People are supposed to wait for passengers to disembark before loading but they often don't.

But my worst faux pas is the hand-written thank you notes. I still remember to do that for 'acquaintances' but am awful, awful, awful about family. The email thank you just isn't the same thing. And that goes for eCards, too. I'm guilty of sending only eCards now, not store-bought ones, but I don't see myself changing back anytime soon.

Manners, the back bone of civilization. I'm a retired police officer and I can't tell you how many times someone would say to me, "you're disrespecting me." Each time, I would tell them, it goes both ways. You earn respect, it's not a gift. I have met many young people today with excellent manners and I have met some that don't have good manners. The same with any age. I think we all have probably broken a few of the golden rules, but not too many.Opening a door, holding a seat, please, thank you, things we should all do all the time. As i've gotten older, I have noticed that respect is probably lacking the most. People don't seem to have the same respect for other people, things and places that we had. Things, at least in my mind, started to change in the 70's and 80's. Our generation seemed to think that all that mattered was money. In peoples great pursuit of the money god, we forgot each other. I remember going into a store when I was little , getting some bread and not paying for it. It went on the cuff, dad would pay for it when he got paid on Friday. Now, it's credit cards, why? It makes money. As a society, we have lost touch with each other, we don't care as much as we used too. We don't seem to take the time to enjoy people anymore. Everyone is in such a hurry to go no where. I think the reduction in the use of manners is just a reduction in the civility of this once great nation. It seems it's all about me when it should be all about us. Are all these things that have been invented as positive as we think they are, I wonder.

You hit the nail on the head...It seems to me too that for every one step forward, we jump back two...:o(