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For me without a doubt it was the murder of my firstborn, Anita. The mental and physical toll something like that takes on you can be devastating. For me it brought to reality that something so precious can be taken from you in an instant and that some things that you dwell on seem so small in comparison to something like that. And it also forced me to realize that no one and nothing, not even our children belongs to us.
I like to call the Journey I had to take from that horrible night to be where I am now THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD BACK TO LIFE.

I can not even imagine the pain that caused you. I do know though that when we have those disasters in life be they great or small it does change a person. Either for better or worse. If we have a belief in something greater than ourselves we can usually find that life has much more meaning than we could ever have known before. Tragedy can shape your charactor and soul and make you a better (or worse) person. Its in the sharing with others and the knowlege that there has to be more beyond our own small existance and life and forever after finding joy in simple things and sharing love with even the unlovable..

Yes, when I got the news (On my wedding anniversary)I prayed for God to take me if he truly needed a soul that night. I felt that I had done and experienced all that I needed ot do and all that was left for me to do was grow old and sickly.I was only 34 at the time. But He had a bigger plan in store for me. He gave me a gift. A gift to write. Where others go to college and study Journalism, Creative writing and so forth, He gave that to me and through that especially my poetry I found the comfort and the outlet I needed to get me through those dark days. And He also gave me an understanding of the pain parents feel when one of their beloved babies goes missing and found lifeless in a dumpster or landfill. Where I used to say "Oh, that's terrible" and continue on..now I can truly understand their agony and I have sat and helped a lot of people take that first step back to life.

Ladywrite, I'm so sorry for your loss. My 18-year-old daughter is dealing with the loss of a 17-year-old friend this week and I've been thinking about the impact on those parents and the parents of the other two boys who were killed in the same traffic accident. We shouldn't have to bury our children and I can't imagine the kind of heartache that brings nor the strength it takes to come out on the other side of it.

The most stressful and damaging change for me was the loss of my 27 year marriage and the resulting loss of my dream home. Before my marriage broke up I felt like a reasonably competent player in the game of life. I had been successful on my job, worked for the same company for nearly 20 years, my children were mostly grown and doing well on their own. When I discovered my husband's affair with a family friend it was as if the rug had been snatched right out from under me.

To complicate the matter, we had just built our dream home after many years of scrimping and saving to do so and suddenly I was confronted with a mortgage I was unable to pay on a single salary and little to no help from my ex-husband whose work hours had conveniently been cut in half just at the time he filed for divorce.

I had married the first time when I was 18 and when that marriage broke up after 8 years and two kids, my first ex was the kind of stand-up gentleman who always paid child support, was always there in a crisis and who remains a friend even after all these years. Then I got married to my second husband and we were together for 27 years. Aside from the trauma of my marriage breaking up, I was also confronted with being on my own for the first time in my life.

It's been a long hard road but I've managed pretty well. I lost my dream home but I moved my family into a nice rental home. I'm surrounded by my growing family and a host of friends and life is good. I feel stronger and more competent now than ever and I know no matter what comes my way I'll be able to handle it.

La Juanda, this is the sort of thing that I can`t come to terms with. Nothing like that has happened to m, Thank God! I can`t even think about it in detail. You have to be one strong lady to pick up and become who you are today. I am in awe of such courage! I love the poems that you are writing and am very interested in reading your love stories.
Hugs,
Juanita

I'm very sorry to hear about your child being murdered. That is really horrific.
I survived a plane crash in 1968, but my husband did not. On that day my life took a 180 degree change and I went to sea for healing. It worked but slowly, after 25 yrs I finally stopped having nightmares about the accident..

Oh, Ladywrite2, I'm so sorry; I can't imagine what that must be like.

Going to college changed me profoundly. I was 31 when I went back to college and was so ready to learn and grow. Most importantly, I learned critical thinking skills.

Having children has also changed me profoundly - I can't imagine who I'd be if I weren't a mother.

Nothing so horrific as LadyWrite and JerryMerry. Sorry to hear about both misfortunes. My life changed when I turned 23. That's when I married my first wife. That's when I learned that friendships are tentative at best, that's when I learned about betrayal and human nature. No one thing has defined my life up to this point. I'm Liberal in my thinking about people in general. However I don't really trust people in a close relationship. I'm a giver, not so much a receiver. That has been my M-O all of my adult life. I'm neither happy or sad. I'm mostly just here I suppose.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband so tragically JerryMerry. I know those or you who survive and accident where a loved one doesn't sometimes feel guilty because you survived and the other didn't. I'm glad that you have begun to heal again my friend.

Oh Ladywrite, I,too, know the indescribable pain of the loss of a child. Our l2 yr. old grandson collapsed while playing basketball and went to Heaven the following day as a result of an undetected heart defect. It does change you forever. You've found solace in writing and mine was in mentoring other young people in his memory. The name I use here is a combination of mine and his...Kathy and Christopher. I also found kindred spirits in Compassionate Friends, a group for people who have lost children, grandchildren, or siblings. It's nationwide, and if there is a chapter near you, I hope you'll attend a meeting. One step at a time....You're in my prayers.