I am being very careful and watch ~ won't make friends that easily as I did. With me it seems to happen too often and I am doing something wrong and need to correct it. It seems to be women that have backstabbed more than men. I have maybe 5 friends I trust implicitedly and they will always be my friend. Guess I am blessed after all?!
It is very difficult to trust again after a betrayal - but not impossible. Time helps a lot in soothing ones wounds and so does the realization that not everyone in your life is going to betray you. There actually are people that do have your best interest at heart. Maybe some of us need to be betrayed in order to learn not to place an overly amount of trust in another human being who is afterall only mortal.
morning Bibi... all I can say one day at a time and one step at a time. I still dont trust well, but i tell people that upfront. I dont know if time can helps the trust issue because its always there in the back of your mind. All it takes is one word from the new person in your life and the past comes back two-fold... I wish I could give you advice but on this one im at a lost. At our age im not willing to have my heart broken, it appears it doesnt heal as fast as it did when I was younger...
I don't think I will ever trust like I once did.....I know I will trust again....it will take longer and I will always be watching....I will watch for those red flags.....and I will take action...not like before. No more trusting blindly...no questions asked. I hope I stay alert.
The words of the song The Rose closely parallel my approach to love and trust
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose
If one allows their heart to become bitter and shrivel, they lose the capacity to give and receive love again.
I trust that this second half of our lives is better than the first half blind faith is possibly the best description I have heard I guess as a guy without you knowing my history if I didn't see the relationship of my grandparents or my parents I would not know what a healthy trust relationship looked like but they never did the crap people do to each other these days when friends cover up for your spouse or their family these are watershed moments acquired behavior patterns that I watch for a male prospective if you will any woman who says oh he,s just a friend wait a minute who kdding who I don't need to hear about your past sleeping buddy nor see him even if you and your sister want to talk about him in the kitchen if I started talking on phone to maggie mae I would get the hot grits treatment I am finding so many women in their mid 40,s and just touching 50 alone and into more than one on one relationships with other men most recently at church a woman I know was outed with three of the four men she was involved with showing up what a scene each man got pissed off at each other and then realized they all got played what a mess the woman just ran let's see if she comes to church tomorrow wearing foster grants the guys will most likely be home sucking their thumbs
That's my philosophy exactly, GothamGirl. In fact, the 2nd ex and I had that song played at our wedding. Now, 20 years later, I'm still singing it. LOL. Life can be unkind, but in the end, no risk, no reward.
I've been betrayed by so many - - and then it occurred to me . . . . . I was so trusting, because I seemingly projected my values onto others - - That had to stop. Now I take my time, I watch people, and mostly what I see is, males and females using sex for some self serving purpose - if sex doesn't work, then emotional games begin - the love/hate, nice/mean, helpful/hurtful crap . . . . and if I don't take the bait on that, they move on. ( "Wow, I'm so glad I didn't fall for that one!!") Every once in awhile, there is a genuine person - - a quality individual that shines above the others - - and those friends are real, have stood the test of time, and have a firm foundation for themselves - - they are the ones that are not trying to knock me off of my firm foundation, but instead add to my stability, and I to theirs.
I don't believe that being intimate quickly - and THEN building a relationship around that is very wise -
that goes for sex, or bearing ones soul to another. The older I get, the more important it becomes to have QUALITY people in my "inner" circle - - or as I call it - my "fox hole" - pick those folks carefully, as your life, security, and sanity depends on it.
I totally agree with you onestep. Those are very wise words you just shared with us. Sometimes it isn't that we were betrayed as much as it is we let ourselves be betrayed by trusting too much too soon. I think people throw themselves into relationships a lot of times just to avoid loneliness instead of learning how to deal with it. Loneliness is a major problem in our society especially among singles. But, I have yet to see sex or premature trust as being a solution to that dilemma. If anything it only makes matters worse.
Thank you - - and I agree with you about loneliness amongst us "singles" - - as my late husband would say - - "It'll take one he!! of a man to saddle this bronk!!" I'm waiting for THAT GUY - it'll be worth it, and I won't have to explain what the heck I've been doing in the mean time!! ;-) And take that a step further . . . I won't have to convince him that he is more special than the one before him, or the ones before them - - Wouldn't it just be WONDERFUL to KNOW that you KNOW!!! That's what I have to offer - and what I expect in return. Will I ever find it?? Don't know, but I surely won't settle for anything less than I'm willing to offer.
