belovedvalley, the best advise I can give you is this. Don't waiste your time trying to find someone else. Instead, concentrate on yourself, get off the flatline, learn who you are and what brings you joy. If you are like me, you spent years sacrificing your needs and desires for your family, so much so, that you have probably lost your sence of self. Find yourself, give yourself time for the wounds to heal. When you are ready, love will find you.
I would recommend you now start the excessive alcohol consumption. It doesn't solve anything but after awhile, ya don't give a shift
a reply from cozumelgrl? well i'll be damned, i was sure you'd joined a band of old sac gypsies trading clothespins for boxed wine.. welcome back!
posted by NNick
about 1 month ago
Thank you, all! I cannot begin to express how touched I am with your bits of advice and concern. There are some eye-openers there and it helped me look at the situation from a different perspective. Once again, thank you...
Oh MAMA....I am sooo proud to be a part of such a sensitive and intelligent group of smart people! And yes, that includes the smart asses too.....(and you know who you are).
Not only did Cozumelgrl com in and speak but she said a mouthful...ONLY YOU ARE STANDING IN YOUR WAY!
It is so hard to get back on your feet after being hit really hard....sometimes it takes many months even years to climb out of the fog.....but eventually we can climb out....and YES....we need help of others to do it.
I depend a lot on my girlfriends....in real life and those women here who lift me up when I feel lost.
STAY BUSY.....try not to dwell on the past....it is gone. Work on today....and good luck!
You also never know what may be right around the corner. I love those little surprises that hit you unexpectedly. Be open to them. They are all around when you know where and how to look.
belovedvalley- as you see, MizVic is correct that you can often find some great support here. Hey- at our ages, if a person hasn't had life take a bit of a toll, then they haven't lived much, huh?
thank you for stopping back by the forum-- hope you will again--- you can usually find a smile here on most days if you should need one.
Yep and you see even a bird can be smart and sensitive....uh....at least our byrd is....and she knows how to make coffee too....how'd it go this morning byrd? Any Java mishaps?
Ok This is the Practical.. I went though it all after 40 yrs of marriage.
Number one..If you don't work and don't have to. Go out and get a job or volunteer. You will meet new people NOT associated with your husband to make you sad or have issues with. ie Who's friend are they anyway????
Make a ew path with new friends. No baggage.
You will experience the feeling of OMG! Someone really values WHAT I SAy. That is exhillerating! It really is. It really blows you awya. It's like...hmmm can I say something else? OMG! They didn't flinch.
OK! But first..how to get out of bedif you don't want to. Allow only an allotted amont of time wallowing. But you must give it to yourself freely.
Cry only in the shower. Give yourself 10 min or an hoiur whatever,...but lat's it for crying. I mean it! Then pamper yourself...Body lotions etc.
Then muster the strength and Go out at night if it kills you ....alone or with a friend . A single friend if possible. They are on the same mission in life.
Go where you can listen to music and maybe have a few beers,9 get your mind off of your troubles), tell your tales..no one will remember or care. If you find someone who cares ..well..whoopee!
But remember..
No one will find YOU if you are sitting at home.And you won't find someone else either.
SPLURGE FOR BIT as money will allow..don't go into debt....
Dress up, buy some new clothes, feel young again...anticipate...dream again...
Do what pleases you....renew a pst passion...step up a present one... and you will find that people will gravitate to you of like and kind. For God's sake....
Turn off the news ..it's depressing. Turn up your fun music , loud, to drown out the negative thoughts that creap in . Do this everywhere, in the car and at home.Sit and listen or dance away anxiety in the privacy of your own home.
Join a gym. Make friends.Both female and men , young and old. That's another thing I discovered. Age barriers seem to be in my head. All my friends when I was married seemed to be of my own age. When I left my husband, I made friends of all ages. It was strange at first.But the apparent differences in ages became indifferent.
Good luck...God speed Hope I helped.
PS If you can't sit still and always have to be doing something... That's normal. If you can't get out of bed..that's normal too. Don't punish yourself..You need healing. But try my suggestions. Force yourself to get up. Pat yourself on the back each time you do something you don't want to do. YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER!!! rah rah SIS BOOM BA If you have to set up his photo on a dart board to throw darts at him ...go for it....you'll get bored with that and move on eventually...doing what you want to do for you .
Time is a healer......
Thanks NNick for the welcome back!!!
I've been busier than a one legged gal in a butt kickin' contest!
I just moved back home to Portland, OR. It's a real shocker to be back in the rain, but being back near family is good. Now I just have to find some kind of employment..
I'm watching my Steelers............I'm hoping they beat those silly little ponies............
y'all have a great evening!
Coz
