Life is about perspective. Life has not ended, it has just changed from what you knew. But change can be good. Greet each day with the excitement of a miraculous sunrise. Open your eyes, your mind, your heart, and experience them all. Each person you meet, each date that goes off course is actually not personal, not an indictment of who you are as a person. And though this message may get obscured along the way by frustration or a hope not fulfilled, you let these thoughts echo about your head enough and it will be a better world for you.
posted by poetdad
about 1 month ago
It is never better to stay on the flat line. Isn't that how the doctors describe death? First you grieve for the loss of your former life. Then you heal yourself and move on. You will never forget what was and you may never forgive the reasons for the loss; however, you cannot let bitterness nor anger, nor fear of the unknown hold you back. It is a beautiful world full of wonderful people to meet and great places to go. OK, so it is not perfect but wouldn't a perfect place be awful boring? The answer is you pick yourself up one step at a time and there are many hands ready to reach out and help. I truly believe your future is only held back by your own restrictions.
I went to counseling primarily because I didn't want to be divorced even though being married was no longer an option. While working through that issue, I tackled some others and think I have emerged a better person.
Been there, Done that.
I will say you are off to a good start just by being here.
tafafat
Many of us have a tendency to build our lives around our families -- our children and spouse. Cutting loose can leave us floundering -- wondering what to do with outselves, how to get 'connected' again -- wondering who we are, have become.
We change over the years into different people, different goals and dreams. When we center our lives around other people, often we subordinate them or quit dreaming at all.
The time after separation and divorce is to get reintroduced to ourselves, I believe -- find out who we are, what we want out of life, what we enjoy (and go about doing those things). Finding someone else before we are confident in who we are and what we have to offer, what we really want out of life seems way too premature. It's like ricocheting, clining to someone, anyone, out of need. If we do some soul searching, discover what our priorities are, what fulfills us and go about doing them, then and only then can we approach another as a whole person, an interesting person -- for lives to blend -- true partners, then, and equals.
Flat lining is ok for a while. Call it the "dark night of the soul." Use it for reflection and self examination. Then get out and do what turns your crank!
The first thing you need to do is put one foot in front of the other and start moving forward, whether by big jumps or baby steps. Spinning your wheels in one spot won't further your cause or take you where you want to go.
At this point, MOST of us have been through a lot of life, experienced good times and bad, and realize that few of us escape unscathed. The absolute BEST thing you can do is make yourself happy, whether through work, activity, volunteering, hobbies...whatever. Your imagination should provide the answer. Until you find your own happiness and understand that you alone are responsible for that happiness, you won't find what or who you want. We are complete in and of ourselves. We are in control. To be happy already and then to find someone who brings even more happiness into your life would be a great outcome, don't you think?
i am now grateful that I didn't go with my first response...drink scotch, lots of scotch...
posted by poetdad
about 1 month ago
thanks, PD.... was beginning to think I was in the wrong group...
Well, RS....we ARE a group of survivors! I mean, we've made it this far no matter what life's thrown at us, right?
You most certainly are. It feels good to be around people who, like I, have the right attitude (state of mind) towards life.
