groups

s/b to help us survive.

the c is too close to the v... LOL

My ex did that. It was pathetic. He shut down and wouldn't talk to me. Communication is vital. Slamming the door and rolling in a ball did nothing but end our marriage.

My defense mechanism is I start talking. I will talk to anyone who will listen. So many times major obstacles have been solved with others talking it out with me.

Gaze at them calmly, smile faintly, and say to yourself over and over, "I never saw such a horse's patoot in my entire life."

Or patoots, as the case may be.

I will state in a very matter of fact tone that there is nothing else to be said (after I have had my say of course)

My first instinct is to go on the attack, verbally of course. I can be bitterly cruel and heartless if I let my inner instinct loose. I've spent a lifetime learning to reign it in until I can be sure my anger is justified.

When I am angry, I do want to be heard. Rather than raise my voice, I lower it. People who know me well know they'd do well to take heed when my voice lowers a register or two.

I'm learning and trying to do something about those mechanisms. So if I don't mention them, does that mean they aren't there:):)

Mine is to first, make sure I am right.

Then go for the throat.

And once I have proven my point, the discussion is over.Period.

LOL, john. In denial about denial, repression or suppression are we???

And Labrys, my kids tried to explain to my last husband...as long as Mom is 'arguing' with you...you've got a chance, because she will bend over backwards to be 'fair', to hear you out. It may seem strange for that anger to be a good sign, but it means i still care enough about my relationship with the other to argue with them. But i reach a point where i go quiet...that's when the other is really in trouble. It means i'm so angry i don't trust myself to discuss...i'm weighing and assessing things and quite possibly making up my mind (without input from the other) that further discussion is pointless. For my kids this usually meant i'd come back with a consequence for some behavior and there'd be no wriggling out of it. For adults it often meant i was planning an 'exit' strategy to remove them from my life.

Oh Boy, we all do have them. I am determined to dump mine...be maskless.

Louise, I have done what you described although I have sworn that one off...but I do see my going inside...getting quiet...hurt and scarred, I leave the building , sort of speak. Its either that or tell somewhat what I think...and then regretting it after.
My fear is that I won't be kind, and I desire kindness so I think I need to also be/give it.

Defense Mechanisms - depends on what you need them for -

Some will save you in a emergency - like yelling or physically fighting

Sometimes you have to converse and take that pride you have and stop conversing to the person and believe what they have to say, even though it is so far from the truth and you know it, but at some point in their lives, they will see the truth in front of them and it will change their minds and admit your right, but will not tell you outright, because of their egos.

Example of this: I told people of my experiences in life of the paranormal and they laughed until someone of reknown gave them a story of his experiences. They are not laughing anymore.