I was listening to talk radio, one of those black shows. the topic was why Black women, hate each other? And why do AA women, really dislike African and Jamaican women? Now I didn't have time to listen to the program, but is this really a issue? if so why?
Black women will diss/ignore/excoriate/crucify another woman regardless of her skills and competencies and regardless of the project at hand
So true. From what I have seen things have only gotten worse with younger generations. It seems easier to disrespect others than it is to pitch in and handle the business at hand.
Wow, Wee, and the story of, Girl Friends" goes on. I believed there are true friendships between "Girlfriends" no matter what color the skins might be, or the generations. I might not and have not like "EVERTHING" my girlfriends might say or do over the years. Nonetheless, I had to come to grip with some of the negatives, (what I thought were negatives at that time.) were really telling it as it is.many had to grow to the point of where you/they have grown. That's what girlfriends are for. when you're walking in the wrong directions they will say something to you for what it's worth.
True friends are there for you as they give their supports. Laughter, joy, sadness, giving etc) My grand daughter have a group of friends, but it seems there are two that seems to really be there for her. I asked her one day, "You know, Baby Girl there is something you will not be happy to continue connecting with this young lady. Maybe you need to ease away from her." Her answered, "Grandma she is going through some things with her mom/boy friend. she will be OK. We have been friends since we were babies crawling on the floor. I'm not going to leave her hanging." I had to smile and give her a kiss. My friends didn't leave me as they say in todays language, "Hanging or dissed."
That is what a true friend is about. You might not like all what your girl friends are doing but you love her enough to stick with her. My daughter -in -law. another generation went into business with her two friends. I heard a lot about those ladies. They're still as closed today as over ten years ago. I'm still closed to the two friends who I had as an adult over thirty years ago as I am with two of whic I attended high school and a couple since the two closes moved away.
Girlfriends are there to stay, long distantly, living in the city or building new ones to add on to what you have. One thing I've found out over the years. Your girl friends have certain chapters in your life.No matter how close you might be.Each have their own space yet it's threaded that in areas you have something in common... where the two/ or three large cirlces overlaps you'll find the three friendships.
Obamamama writes: Maybe I'm naiive, but seems to me most women I know are too busy with life to get into those issues. Tell me, do you harbor these feelings you ascribe to many black women , or do you just recognize them in others?
What “issues” are you referring to? And what feelings are you asking if I ascribe to? If you wanna’ play the game, play the hand as it’s dealt, obamamama.
For the record, I recognize much in others because I’ve traveled the road before. And I’m smart. And “seasoned.” I’ve learned much from my missteps.
Chngdbylv writes: So true. From what I have seen things have only gotten worse with younger generations. It seems easier to disrespect others than it is to pitch in and handle the business at hand.
The tension among Black women results from Black women viewing all other Black women as potential “girlfriend” rather than potential “colleague.” In other words, Black women look at other Black women and make the judgment call: I don’t like her; or I like her.
Viewing every other Black woman in terms of “girlfriend” sets up the scenario that “if she’s not friend, then she must be foe.” This is not good.
Asking this simple question: “What can this Black women be worth to be me? Friend? Colleague? Both?" makes a world of difference in how to respond, act and react.
Not every woman can or will be a “girlfriend.” Not every woman wants to be a girlfriend. But any woman can be a “colleague.” And this is the piece that Black women miss out on. They tend to shut out other women based solely on whether that woman is potential "girlfriend."
There is a huge difference between "girlfriend" and "colleague."
By not developing “collegial relationships” (colleagues) with women who don’t appeal as “girlfriends,” mucho $$$$ are left on the table; mucho projects don’t get done… all because some Black woman says, “I don’t like her.”
Example: 2 women are marooned on a desert island. They dislike each other personally. Woman #1 can make bread from sand. Woman #2 can make water from grass. This is called “pooling mutually productive competencies to accomplish the goal.” They don’t need to “like” each other or be “girlfriends.” All that needs to happen is for each of them to do their thing, and they will survive. They are colleagues. ##
Seems you're saying women need to work on developing ore of the superficial relationships that men seem so good at. I guess that's so, but I would hope not at the expense of the girlfriend bonds. After all, how many of us are going to be marooned on a desert island?.
I agree African American and Jamaican Women have issues with each other! I had a friend that had open up a Jamaican Eatery in my Neighborhood. The food was very good so I started patronizing the store. I became friends with the owner and as we started chatting and getting to know each other I could seance a air of indignation in her manner. A lot of women from the Islands have know knowledge of African American women other than the negative ideas and thoughts that they have been taught by Parents , The Media, and hear say. So when they come to this country they have already made up there minds about our Character, Our Culture, Our willingness to work and to achieve. It is up to us to educate them and welcome them as our Sisters. We Are One.
Obamamama writes: Why is this a black woman phenomenon?
It is not primarily a Black woman phenomenon. But unfortunately, Black women bear the brunt.
There never is a reference to "angry white women." Always references to the "angry Black woman."
Like it or not, society, the culture, and the media have boxed Black women into a corner where they're damned if they do, damned if they don't.
Black women have compensated for this characterization by being "strong." The society/culture/media get away with characterizing Black women, as "strong" because they think its a compliment. Even Black women describe themselves as "proud and strong."
They don't realize or understand that this charaterization let's everybody off the hook!! Here's how the reasoning goes: "Black women are strong. They can take it.They take care of everything all the time. Society and the culture can do anything to them 'cause they can take it. Their emotional, spiritual, physical, mental and personal well-being is not important, because they're strong. They can take anything. Kick'em. They bounce. Slam'em. They come back. Do anything to them. They can take it.
No one ever, ever worries about or asks "how is the Sister doing?" They ALL expect her to worry about and do for them, and make everything better! (This is the Big Momma/Aunt Jemima/Hattie McDaniel myth of "Black woman as comforter to everybody.")
The result is a lot of Black women who truly are angry. And tired. And with good reason.
Their only refuge is their girlfriends. It's protection and comfort from someone who understands.
The problem is that it fosters mistrust and suspicion directed toward other Black women who are not "girlfriend." This gets in the way of exploring other avenues for fighting society's lack of respect for the well-being of Black women. And for devising creative ways to "stick it to 'em."
It's an issue that Black women won't address. It's disappointing.
In my experience, that the bonds necessary to get serious work accomplished are more quickly created with white, latino or asian women than with other black women. I realize this is probably the reason that I have been more likely to do work for and with women from other races than for or with black women.
One example is a black pastor that I turned on to a slew of services that would have increased productivity and/or lowered costs. She was so entrenched with her "girlfriends" that I wasn't able to complete her introduction into these services. Her friends had their way of doing things and the time I had to offer her was limited, so I didn't have the necessary time to break thru the walls they had created to surround their clique. I admire the lady enough that I will go back, but I know I have my own work to do and that there are others who seem more cognizant of that.
As far as having real and true friendship, I have come to realize that there is a "richness" that comes from sharing this level of friendship with other black women that I don't find with women of other races. Knowing this, I relish the relationships I do have with black women but they are few and far between.
Unfortunately, aside from one of my sisters, the few who I have found to be my closest friends recently are not black women. These are women who give me the accountability that keeps me from falling through the cracks and a mutual trust that lets me know some of my deepest thoughts are safe with them. My sisters are usually the ones who I have problems with when its time to get to work. :-)
