All my life I have been a do it yourselfer and managed to accomplish a lot.
I still think I can do it... but I'm finding out my body won't cooperate as well anymore.
When I moved to Alaska 3 years ago, one of my plans was to buy a lot and build an Icy Straits log cabin. Last year when I got ready to buy, I realized I could easily end up setting on a pile of lumber and go "what the hell was I thinking???" Friends convinced me to buy my condo and wait it out a little bit longer. I take out my pent up desire to build by remodeling this place. So far so good.. at least it keeps me out of trouble and I still have a roof over my head.
Me too Lady D but this weekend I realized a bit of the trickle down theory.
My daughter bought a 210 year old farmhouse in need of some level of repair. Her goals were lofty but doable only she weighs 97 lbs. dripping wet so carrying a sheet of 3/4" plywood alone or holding a piece of sheetrock in place to screw to the ceiling have proven to cut her enthusiasm. I find the same things happening in my life and although I've found my way around most of them, it's determination and attitude that have gotten me through. Age is taking it's tole and squelching the attitude just a bit. I now am very thankful for any help I get and do my best to pay it back.
Like you Humr...I've always been an independent, strong person. But I do get tired of always having to be that person. I think my ex viewed me as Superwoman & didn't give the support & help that would've been so nice to have had. I'm getting some better about asking for help, although it's not an easy thing for me to do.
Other things I find ways to meet my own needs - for example - something simple like not having someone to wash my back every now & then - as well as getting lotion on my dry back. So I finally found a back brush I love & a lotion applicator for my back - heaven.
I think what concerns me more than anything else about being alone/independent is if I was to get really sick or injure myself where I couldn't get to a phone to call for help.
Usually I struggle alone and adapt to things just not getting done. I hate hate hate to ask for help. I live near my youngest who is quick to volunteer if she's aware of a problem, but it gets difficult to accept too much help from her; she's very busy and I don't want her to feel guilty or resentful. If I vent about something, she takes it as a hint so now I don't vent. All I can do in return is be an available babysitter so I don't want things to get too out of balance. And her hubby is definitely not interested in helping anyone. His all-female family burned him out long ago. He's resentful at how they'd lend him out to any and all, and now can be quite rude in the manner in which he ignores broad hints. Can't say that I blame him though.
Very good points TY and ones I struggle with myself. I guess living in a 100+ year old house, my independence tends to go to the construction side first although heating predominately with wood certainly taxes the mind on occasion and the bodies not always willing.
I've had a health situation that caused others serious concern but I dealt with it hour by hour and somehow it worked out okay, not ideal by any stretch but okay. There are some things I just can't dwell on and that is one of them.
Well, Cat... I also hate to ask for help but the reality is that there isn't really anyone left here for me to ask so I guess it comes down to being careful what we ask for. I love helping my kids but with them so far away, it is rare. I now think, like you that I just don't declare what it is I really need and I either find a way to get it myself or I put up with doing without. Life is just so different then when I was a kid. People bartered their services and helped each other whenever they could. I don't see a lot of that today.
I agree with you about people helping each other out more readily in the past. I've never been good at asking for help but I rarely had to in years past. I know that much of it now is that I keep my circle so very small; I handle crowds/strangers just fine, but not by choice. I have a natural tendency to isolate myself. I think I've always wanted to be a hermit. lol Anyway, now I'm in a new city with one family member and no aqaintances. I either get really inventive about accomplishing things in sections, or I just forget it altogether. It's mostly OK but, sometimes, a situation gets so pathetic it's laughable. Ah well, a smile is good for the soul.
With having MS I am not as independent as I would like to be and yes, I have learned to ask for help when ever it is needed. Since my children all live at least an hour or so a way, I have to depend on family, friends and neighbors and for the most part they have all been very helpful. Living a lone in a home brings its own dilemmas as there are some things I just can't do no matter how hard I try. Just two days ago my florescent light in the kitchen went out. Thank goodness I have a brother close by who is a type of handy man and the next day he had it all taken care of in short time. I shudder to think what would have happened had I tried to take care of the situation myself -- the vision of me lying beneath a shattered florescent light fixture is not a pretty one!
One consolation is that I am learning various ways to use a plyer and screw driver and can take care of some odd jobs.
The main thing is to continue keeping on!
posted by arlee
over 2 years ago
I've always been independent. I will ask for help once. That's it. When I read this, I thought you were just talking about doing things alone. I raised my girls on my own. I'm not good around the house, but I can go to dinner alone, go on cruises alone & support myself (as good as can be done in this economy. I rent a studio so that I don't have to do repairs & take care of the yard. I probably could, but I just don't enjoy it. Isn't it funny how we can have a different inturpritation (sorry about the spelling) of a question?
