Just a few random thoughts
I'm in the last week of the first year since Ann passed away. I can't believe the journey I've been on. I've learned a lot about myself in the last 51 weeks, and I've learned a few things about other people as well.
Today, as I sit here, I can remember Ann's last weeks and days, vividly. She went to the hospital in October and to Hospice a week or so later. I remember deciding to contact Hospice several days before I took Ann to the hospital. My email to Hospice went like this -- my wife is dying of cancer and is getting worse every day, I take care of her full time but I don't know if I am doing the right thing by keeping her at home. I can't bring myself to call you, could you please let me know what I should do?
Their response was simply a telephone number and a request to call them. I didn't.
A few days later Ann insisted that I take her to the hospital, we both knew it would be for the last time, although neither of us mentioned that fact.
Hospice came to see me after I asked the doctor to contact them for me -- I just couldn't bring myself to do that! A couple days later Ann was in Hospice. I remember her, awake, alert, talking, laughing, carrying on like a person who was going home soon. She got worse, and passed away a few weeks later - she was at Hospice a long, long time it seemed.
I miss her a lot. When she passed away we, the family, were all with her. I am grateful for that. I know she was at peace and comfortable. We cried. Then we went home and my days without Ann began.
The past 51 weeks have been the only weeks of my 54 years that I've lived alone, a fear that I've had all my life, one that I never expected, one that was never planned. I don't like being alone, I didn't ask to be alone, I don't want to be alone.
For the past 51 weeks this Group has been my companion, my advisor, my keel to keep me on course. Thanks for all you've done. I cannot express my gratitude more deeply, nor be more confident in one thing -- without this Group, I am sure I would not have made it here.
Peace.
Mike
Today, as I sit here, I can remember Ann's last weeks and days, vividly. She went to the hospital in October and to Hospice a week or so later. I remember deciding to contact Hospice several days before I took Ann to the hospital. My email to Hospice went like this -- my wife is dying of cancer and is getting worse every day, I take care of her full time but I don't know if I am doing the right thing by keeping her at home. I can't bring myself to call you, could you please let me know what I should do?
Their response was simply a telephone number and a request to call them. I didn't.
A few days later Ann insisted that I take her to the hospital, we both knew it would be for the last time, although neither of us mentioned that fact.
Hospice came to see me after I asked the doctor to contact them for me -- I just couldn't bring myself to do that! A couple days later Ann was in Hospice. I remember her, awake, alert, talking, laughing, carrying on like a person who was going home soon. She got worse, and passed away a few weeks later - she was at Hospice a long, long time it seemed.
I miss her a lot. When she passed away we, the family, were all with her. I am grateful for that. I know she was at peace and comfortable. We cried. Then we went home and my days without Ann began.
The past 51 weeks have been the only weeks of my 54 years that I've lived alone, a fear that I've had all my life, one that I never expected, one that was never planned. I don't like being alone, I didn't ask to be alone, I don't want to be alone.
For the past 51 weeks this Group has been my companion, my advisor, my keel to keep me on course. Thanks for all you've done. I cannot express my gratitude more deeply, nor be more confident in one thing -- without this Group, I am sure I would not have made it here.
Peace.
Mike
