Today I sold his handicap accessible van. It had a power lift and hand controls for him to drive. It went to a man (with CP) and his wife to replace their old van. I cried after they left last night and again now that it was just driven away. It's hard.
I gave his shirts away last week to another person we knew that wore the same size as my Husband. They both bought their clothes from King Size and it's hard to find their size, so I was happy they went to someone who could get use out of them, but it was so hard to let them go. I waited 4 months to take them out of the closet.
I'm also in contact with a couple people to take his wheelchair. It was paid for by an organization that had it specially made for him so that he could go back to college and then back to work. Since he didn't have to pay for it, I don't want this person who takes it to pay for it either. I want to make sure the person is disabled and not just taking it only to turn around and sell it. It should be free to someone who can use it so it's taking a while to find the right person.
All things happen in time. None of it's easy, that's for sure.
Well I painted an angel for all the world to see for the art gallery I am in.
And delivered it yesterday and stayed for the hoallween party.
I am making little paintings to sell for christmas at the gallery.
I moved my rocker into the bed room so I could sleep better my self. And use the computer for games I like to play.
I wrote a poem today.
I am going to the memorial for my husband at the VA in Long Beach,CA
I guess without my daughter she has not showed up yet.
My husband was not her father and she can not understand about me wnting to got anything about him. He was so mean to me. She does not understand forgiveness. Anna
Oprah said the "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past can be different."
I don't agree withe verything she says but I thought that was full of good insight.
I moved to a smaller house a few months after Ken died so I had to get rid of quite a bit of stuff very quickly. Most of the furniture was not too hard to let go. I had a garage sale and it mostly went to people who needed it, not someone who was going to resell it. So I felt good about it.
I tried to get rid of his dress shirts and ties and I pulled them back out. We owned a consulting firm together and I loved seeing him dressed up as well as in his Hawaiian shirts that most of our family knew him in (I have those too). I did give his business suits to an organization that helps people get back on their feet. They were just to good and expensive to sit and rot in the closet or a box. Someone needed to get some use out of them.
We have a men's homeless shelter and I have to take his shoes there - I got them as far as the box and it might as well be a box of anvils - I can't carry it out of the house yet. Maybe next week.
I've been very slow to make any changes.... but last month I did "remodel" our (my) bedroom. New Paint, New Bed, hopefully new outlook. He died unexpectedly in our bed.... sorta felt like I needed to do this.... especially now that I'm coming up on the two year mark.
I love it, but it really doesn't feel "real".
As I try to sort through his "things", I think some stuff can be let go, then I think maybe the grandkids would enjoy them.... so, no major progress on my part, except the bedroom painting and new bed.
I still just don't want him to be gone !!!
I have all his tools left and almost all clothes and shoes. Todd died June 14, 2008, but I am not ready to go through things - I am still wearing my wedding ring - Soon should do more to move on I guess - too hard.
I finally put Can's car out on Craig's list to sell it. I did it Thursday and then got the flu. I have had about 12 "hits" on it, so I should not have too much trouble selling it. It hurts, but I can't afford two cars, insurance, and plates.
He would have wanted me to sell it, so it will be OK.
We hold on to things as an attempt to hold on to the person. However, the harder I try to hold him, the more he slips away. If I just relax and do what i need to do, he comes back. It's actually alot like trying to catch a skittish cat.
posted by jmd459
over 2 years ago
It's a long process, to be sure. On the wedding ring issue, when I was out at a business dinner recently someone asked me in front of everyone why I still wore my ring. I was kind of caught off guard. Is there something wrong with still wearing our rings? It's not like I'm looking for a date so who cares?
If someone asked me why I'm still wearing my wedding ring after 32 months, I would tear their throat out!
Just finished looking through two albums of photos from our last three years together. It breaks my heart to see Suzy as she lost weight from all of the chemo and became very fragile. Till now, I couldn't look at them. Now, I treasure them. They are part of our love story.
