If you do not mind advice from a non-Christian, in reading your Holy Scriptures, one thing is clear. Jesus told his disciples to turn their backs on those who did not greet them with charity. He instructed them to shake the sand from their sandals and never return.
He even scolded his parents, telling them he must be about his heavenly father's work.
The priests in the temple made a mockery, and he went after them with a whip. Hardly turning the other cheek. He does say to turn the other cheek. He does not say to do it over and over and over. I would offer this. Love means acceptance for others. IT does not mean victimization by those people. I seriously doubt G_d would have us choose humiliation. There is a world of difference between humility and humiliation.
My only other thought is this. Is it love if we continue to suffer (and resent) bad behavior. Tough love often means just saying no when someone behaves dysfunctionally. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I got sober in 1984. My family withdrew support for the trouble I got into from my excesses. My boss informed me that I must change or lose my job. In my opinion, the people in my life let me know with certainty that my behavior would not be supported. Losing the underpinnings that allowed this exercise in self indulgence, I sought help for my addiction.
Even without religion, there is ample evidence that repeating the same old patterns is not healthy. But your faith offers plenty of examples of it as well.
posted by Labrys3
about 1 month ago
Having faced this dilemma myself, I thought I would share with you some things I learned about myself. I decided that I am not God and not expected or able to "do" what God does, though I might try to live by loving precepts. I believe we do teach others how to treat us. We accept behaviours. I know we can change our relationships by changing ourselves. We also are in charge of our own boudaries. We set them for every person we meet, consciously or unconsciously. Just as we set expectations for relationships.
I had a mother-in-law whose two boys respected her for the challenging life she led to enable them to become and attorney and Ph.D. respectively, but could not stand to be around her -- all those attributes that enabled her to survive made her impossible for them to be around. Her other daughter-in-law justifiably (because of the mother's own actions) despised her. Before I just fell into the family trap I decided to step back and just have a reationship with this woman on my own terms and tried to understand her. I am so glad that I did. Her mother died as she was born and her father left her in the CO mountains with her mother's German parents. I am still inspired by her unconditional love for her children and her fearless attack on life and the cancer that ended her life. Secondly, about two years ago I decided that a close friendship I had with a former neighbor was toxic to me and a terrible example for my teenage daughter. This woman was in an abusive marriage for money, had been deprived terribly by circumstance as a child and raped as a teenager. She is a wonderful artist and a very loving person. I knew that if anything happened in my home that her husband, an attorney, would sue me...he sued everyone, every vendor, every friend, every family member. This very aggressive behaviour and a sixty page prenup which gave her more inheritance every year actually created the feeling of being safe from the world that this friend needed. I could not watch the pain anymore or have this example for a teenage girl.
Our experience here is defined, in part, by whom we allow in our life's circle of souls. Because they are in your extended family, I feel we respect their place but are not obliged to let them in our inner circle. Maybe this is all about our own self-esteem: everyone does not have to like or love us. Our job is only to love ourselves as a part of God's creation. Surely that deserves respect and nurturing. What matters the opinions of others if we are straight with God? Now the tough reconciliation for me is the fact that I know I hurt the woman I told you about by no longer taking her calls or seeing her. But, I also know that her "use" of me when it was convenient only for her, was not a friendship and the risk to my child of this example was intolerable.
Sorry this so long, but I feel your dilemma.
posted by CityKid
about 1 month ago
It is very SIMPLE......people who don't seem to feel "right" in your life are probably "Energy Pirates..." They take your energy, feed off of it leaving you feeling weak and distressed...LET GO of them....if you CHOOSE to hang on then it is your fault...sorry. but this is my truth and you asked...Don't let people bog you down....if you do you have no one to blame but yourself..
Christian or not....you must choose.....
Hugs...
FF : )
