Samantha don't ever apologize for expressing your feelings, that's what this group is about. You come here when you need to talk about your precious angel Kaydance, beautiful name for a beautiful baby. You are so young to have lost a child who was young as well. Lots of emotions are going to be flowing through you, come here when you need to vent, get things off your chest. I have been told many times not to hold things in, to vent, scream, yell, hit something to make yourself feel better. I too often feel as if I am obsessed with my son. He was my oldest and now is no longer here, so talk about your beautiful angel as much as you like, we here understand and we not tell you to stop talking about her or sharing her with us...
Take care of yourself and don't rush take your time to heal. Loosing a child is a very difficult and painful thing to to through, just remember you have a place and people who truly understand your pain so feel free to come here and post as often as you like, someone will respond.
Take care my friend and be blessed.
Rashad's Mom Danette (Proud Airforce Defender's Mom)
Samantha, ditto all crochetmom said! Donn't give up on finding an anti depressant that works for you, it will never remove the pain and grief you feel, but they do help. Ask your Dr. for a different script. Your fiance is probably right, you need time to find your center again, your loss is so recent and devestating. I wish I were nearby so I could give you a big "grandma" hug. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Samanatha
I think it's pretty normal to want all the things that bring memories of your lovely baby. I have a gold heart pendant with my son Drew's picture etched in the gold. I never take it off, and never will. I have his picture next to my heart all the time.
Samantha, I don't think you are obsessed. I think you are grieving the loss of your darling baby. Give yourself time to heal.
Samantha, What you are feeling is totally normal. I felt the same way and longed to have a good day. Although we never forget our angel children the pain isn't as strong as time goes by. I remember when I had a good day I would feel guilty, I felt like I had to apologize to Gilbert for forgetting him. I never have and I never will and I think he would want that for me.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal. By all means, see your Dr. There are so many different anti-depressants. It took a while to find the right one for me.
I agree with everyone Samantha. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby Kaydance. Its a journey and there are no signs to lead the way. So give vent to your feelings it is one step closer to adjusting to your new life. We are here for you whenever you feel you want to talk, write to any of us and use the chat room.
I have felt that way also. But I don't worry about it anymore. It's been 17 years and I am just now allowing myself to share that obsession and found out how much he was loved by others. However, I have often over the years felt so alone and felt that people just don't want you talking about that loss. But til you've been through the fire, you don't know how it feels. One of my son's friends wrote some songs and that is the title of one of them. He wrote it about losing his mother, but it is so true. He also wrote a song and mentioned my deceased son in it, and I am so thankful to him. It has freed me to feel okay about being obsessed with his memory. So if you need to talk about your child to someone, please feel free to talk to me. I understand and that was one of the things that hurt me most the first year, was that I felt people didn't want me talking about him and I needed to.
Samantha - How can it be wrong to wish our babies were still with us? For missing them, wanting to honor them, remember them. You have the right to honor your baby any way you want. You deserve to by comforted......with whatever brings you comfort. Mugs, blankets - all or any that you want.
I agree with the others.......maybe a different medication or different doctor, if possible.
My pain is still new also, my daughter died this past August 12. I am on a mission to find as many photos - videos - anything I can...........You do whatever you need to do to help yourself. Just keep yourself healthy and remember how special you are in this world.
When the time is right - you will a wonderful mother to another beautiful and lucky baby.
with love and understanding,
Yvette
Everyone has said what is the truth. Each of us have ways of remembering our angel. My daughter's ashes sit on my dresser in my bedroom. I have found her sons sitting on the edge of my bed, telling her about their week at school, who theirs new friends are. Some may think that is morbid, but to me it feels okay. When her boys come to visit on the weekends, they know that mommy is there to share with them everything. Each of us deals with our lose differently and who has the right to tell us that we are wrong. God knows our hearts and only He can give us the peace that we are seeking. I agree that you should give yourself time to grieve and strengthen before trying for another child. No other baby will ever replace your angel and just maybe bringing another little one into the world wouldn't be quite fair until you heal. Those are just my thoughts. You will be in my prayers that you will allow God the time to make you whole again...body, mind & spirit.
Hugs,
Lonna...Leanna's mom
posted by pigs
over 2 years ago
