Dale, I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to the right group even though none of us want to be here. We all know how you are feeling right now. No matter how much you prepare for their passing, it still hits us hard. We never expect the pain that goes with grief. We are a very caring and compassionate group and we are all here for you. Come and let us know how you are feeling and how you are doing. There will always be someone here to help. I hope you have a peaceful day. Hugs.....Sue
We all understand completely -- in fact, our standard opening line is "Welcome to the group nobody wants to qualify for" But that said, this group has been extremely helpful to me and I hope it will be to you also.
My hubby lost his 11 year battle with cancer on May 29, 2009, and yes, the last few months were....
Do you have anyone to help you by being there? I know you have to do all the financials yourself, but having someone there to rant to when the automated phone lines get to be too much can be helpful. You can always rant to us, of course. We have all been there and we empathize. And before I forget, the best advice anyone can give is to sit tight, not make any major decisions that you don't HAVE to for a year or so.
God Bless
Dale, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away in Jaunary, just two months after a pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I used to think thay it would have been better to have a longer time to prepare for the inevitable but having been with this group for some time now, I know that it doesn't really matter how long you had to prepare - it's still so very painful when they are gone. Hang in there. The fog will start lifting slowly. Come here often and it will help. Deb
I'm so sorry, Dale, for your recent loss. My David died on September 15 and there are days when I feel like I'm getting it under control and others when I would like to hop in the car and drive until I'm anywhere but my life.
I knew that Dave would probably not make it through the winter, but I was prepared for a long, drawn-out end of life scene at the hospital one of these days. I was not prepared for him to slump over at the dinner table towards the end of a good day. I thought I was braced for this most awful thing in my life, but when it actually happened, I wasn't ready at all.
I keep waiting for it to get better. I am starting to find a routine and a rhythm, but each day starts and ends with wishing he were here.
This group is good because it creates a place to come when that need for understanding hits. Unless you've been through it, all you have to offer are myths, cliches and platitudes. These kind folks have already made me feel like I might make it.
Dale, it's been 2 1/2 years and it is eaisier but never the same....chin up and try to live as she would want you to ....it's never easy it just eases
2 years for me..the first year was nothing but a painful blurr trying to take care of things. the second year was a bit better but dealt more in realities of living alone and making all my own decisions. I still don't like that but I've learned to do it and it has made me stronger.
Really, we have no other reasonable choice but to go on living...our spouses would want us to and to embrace the life we have left to live. That being said, I still have hard times almost everyday but it doesn't last too long and I busy myself with something good.
We are here for you.
Lani
Dale, I am so sorry for the recent loss of your wife. I don't think that it is possible to prepare for something like this. Jim died suddenly but there is no way to imagine how we would feel when it happens. When you say that you are living but not alive I get it. In the beginning just getting thru each minute is an effort. I am glad that you found this site because for many of us it has been the one place to not feel alone. Joyce
posted by Joyce4
over 2 years ago
Dale I am so sorry that you had to become a part of us, but now that you are welcome to the family. We can truly understand where you are right now. I can still remember the fog. My Jerry has been gone since August 23d 2008. One year gone already. We had 6 solid weeks of preparation because he chose to come home from the hospital with hospice. It didnt make anything easier. That being said I dont think any loss is easy. As has been said before the pain eases some. Please make yourself at home. I have ranted and screamed and cried here and nobody kicked me out or told me to get over it. We are here for you.
(((group hugs)))
I appreciate all the responses. Pat and I were married 28 years and 9 months. She was in hospice and at home when she passed away. Today was not a good day. I did not know your eyes could hurt so much from crying.
posted by tdale
over 2 years ago
Dale, my wife of over 34 years passed away last November 9th after nearly three years of battling ovarian cancer. I miss her so much I can't find the right words to express it. I am so sorry for your recent loss. No matter how much I thought I had prepared for the loss, it still hit me with the force of a total surprise. We both ignored the inevitable and lived as much and as long as possible. I am still trying to dig out from under the rubble that I allowed to accumulate during those three years!
Mike
