One thing that has always amazed me is how quickly some people are able to move on to the next relationship after a divorce, death or breakup occurs. The dust hasn't even settled on the last one when these fast trackers are already dating someone new. Just what do you think about this? Is it always a bad idea or can there be some merit to it? What seems to be the driving force behind this kind of behavior?
This happened to me. We weren't even separated 24 hours and he was raising to WI to some bimbo he met online. There is no excuse for jerks like this. Just aware now of what there previous patterns are - something I will look for in the future - if there is any future long term relationship
I am with Marti on this one. My marriage had been over for years and I was ready to meet new people. I did not try to connect with anyone before we separated and it was several months before I did.
Joan, you have two very good reasons for not dating now. I can't imagine how devastating it would be to your children if you were in a serious relationship and it ended for any reason. They've already had to go through one loss when your husband died. Children easily get emotionally attached to the other adults we bring into their lives, especially when they think that man is making Mom happy. They want you to be happy, but you want them to grow up in a stable environment. Dating can wait...you are doing the right thing.
I think Marti makes a very valid point. Maybe the person is able to easily move on so quickly because in essence they have already moved on emotionally a long time ago. The internet also has made it easier to move on from a relationship that a person is still in. It has become sort of a stepping stone to what might be perceived as a better opportunity.
That's what it was in my case. My X and I should have parted long ago. The mutual, emotional part of the marriage had died. I just didn't want to accept it, plus I felt insecure about being on my own. The relationship finally came to a head one Father's Day and you know I've been more secure since the split. Met my now husband before I moved out of my X's house. Long story but we were waiting for a refi so I could buy my own place. Turns out the X had been involved with someone for over a year. No wonder I no longer felt connected with him. As a side note we were married for 29 years.
Good luck to all of you dating out there. I've been in my current relationship for 12 years. We met online. Go out there and find your soulmate!!! Just remember there is NO PERFECT MATE out there. You gotta take the good with the bad. They don't change.
What else can you do? How long you carry it around inside of you is up to you. Anyway, the best remedy for lost love is often to go out and find another love.
As long as one isn't rebounding, ricocheting as it's called. It takes a bit to regroup, recover, rediscover onesself after the breakup of a marriage or relationship, especially when it has been a long one. There's a 'process' one has to go through before they are ready for another one. I recall a movie where Burt Reynolds meets Terry Gar at a party and he says he's divorced. "How long?" she asks. "Six months," he replies. She says, "Too bad," and turns on her heels to walk away. It's known that it takes about a year for one to get their bearings after the bust up of a marriage, no mater how much or long one has wanted out of it. That's why knowledgeable people can overlook someone's conduct the first year after a divorce. After widowhood, sometimes it takes longer.
There was a song a long time ago called "Ricochet Romance." It's rough being the other person with someone freshly separated or divorced. One can feel like a band aid, or a shoe someone is trying on. Personally I would rather date someone who has been divorced or out of a relationship for at least year.
