groups

I distilled my rules down to five pages of single-spaced text. I wasn't heavy-handed with the thou-shalts, but I did expect my instructions to be observed and carried out. (As I've stated previously on this board, my mother lived with me, as did my mother-in-law and my wife.)

I had a number of lights that were never turned off in my home. (I installed a large natural-gas electric generator that would automatically power up within 8 seconds of a electric power failure.)

I wanted food on Mother's plate arranged in a certain way. It's what she expected.

There were several items she ate everyday, one of them being a dollop of pimento cheese. The other was a generous spoonful of non-crunchy peanut butter.

I kept two identical lists of emergency numbers for the caregiver to call. After the appropriate medical responder or whoever was called, I was to be notified ASAP.

Mother wore the exact same kinds of clothes each day. Rubber soled loafers, black fleece pants, a loose pullover white turtleneck shirt, and one of four colors of button-up light fleece jackets. She had five pairs of those loafers, six identical pairs of black pants, five or six jackets, etc. No variations, meaning, no houserobes, no big fuzzy slippers, and no jewelry.

Changing soiled clothes was a ritual done by the numbers. 1, 2, 3.

Washing hands was a ritual done by the numbers. If she became afraid of the water, which eventually happened more often than not, then I had boxes of sanitary wipes placed in the bathrooms and in the kitchen, along with dry hand towels.

There was to be no sound in the house other than conversations in a normal voice, and the TV turned always and forever to the Hallmark Channel and set to a conversational level which she could hear. Music was permitted, but only her beloved light classics and then for only fifteen or twenty minutes.

Food and drink was always on the dining room table, in the amounts specified for the time of day and without exception.

On thinking about it, I guess my many rules and covenants were for the most part silly, and more for me than her benefit. I should go back and look at them, and see just how silly I was.

I think there are two catagories: one for you and your things. The second for your loved one.

You have to put away all your credit cards and lock up valuables and paperwork that contains account numbers and such.

You have to expect more than one person in your house if you hire a caregiver. I hired Visiting Angels. We had our caregiver, her roomate and the "boss" stopping by to check on her...without notice. When you go home health count on 3-4 - Hospice - 5 or 6. It drove me nuts - the parade of people.

One caregiver chipped everything - canister set, cups, plates, glasses - have no idea why?

For your loved ones safety ... a minimum of state or federally issued identification, references, licenses (for CNA) and every state has something to say the person is not a criminal - Arizona - it is called a fingerprint card.

I had a notebook - steno pad and all meals and liquid intake had to be logged in. I told the caregiver to clean him in case of accidents but he often would not allow it. I did not like his clothes to be soiled when I got home - I had plenty of clothes to choose from. We had bum wipes in the bathrooms too - gloves and pull-up briefs.

I liked them to talk to him and read to him so he would not sleep all day and then be awake all night. But I did not push this because he was not well and if he was up all night - it is torture to keep someone awake if they are tired.

I was only gone during the day so the lights were not an issue. In the hospital - I would tell everyone about leaving lights on and NBC on low volume - all night.

I was not too concerned about what our caregivers ate because my husband liked company while he ate.

I was always grateful when I came through the door and he was okay. I honestly was very careful of who was here because he was helpless.

Sherrieannie, A caregiver has to be drug free. They also have to want to do the work. This is putting faith in you to treat another human being with respect and dignity. You cannot do this just to bring in a paycheck. As an employer, you have to be able to fulfill whatever contract you make with a caregiver. In order to provide adequate care for the helpless, help is needed. I have no doubt that my own mother would not be alive today if I had not had help caring for her. This is a short answer to a very big question. I wish you luck in finding more answers to this question, that the answers are satisfactory to you. Sherry H