I think that the managers of the care homes ...are understaffed and overworked. For people in the field - who do it for a living...I think they are good people and doing the best they can but they get burned out. I can't imagine after caring for one person with dementia - to have let's say 10 people with a staff of three. It is humanly impossible...to do it all.
And if your mother doesn't tell them...she trusts you. That is a good thing to be trusted by your Mum. You trusted her. My husband trusted me and would light up when I came through the door. It is all good.
Many nurse friends complain that their elderly patients have no one visit but I have never heard that anyone is too attentive...it is your job as a daughter to look out for your Mum. If you are polite and willing to help while you are there and not treat people like servants...I think they would appreciate it.
Just my humble opinion...
Thanks for bringing me back to the reality of the situation. You are right, HippyGirl, and I appreciate your ‘humble’ and wise opinion. I visit my mother three –four times/week. So I’m not always there for her. When I moved her away from me, I expected the nursing home to be a helping hand, like an extended family. But, like you said, the homes are all understaffed and overworked. Many of the caretakers seem to run around with a chip on their shoulder. And when I kindly ask a question, the frustration and impatience is painfully obvious. Just want to add, that I’m not one that nags or looks for confrontations. Just the opposite; I try to avoid them like the pest.
I care sporadically for my 3 yr. old granddaughter, work full time, and have a husband who needs attention as well. But I find myself doing more things now for my mother, than when I saw her every day. Instead of the expected helping hand, I have become increasingly mistrusting and worried. My mother has fallen down a number of times. I needed to get an outside call service, to alarm the home, because they don’t have one. I control the amount of fluids she drinks. I discover her ingrown toe nails, her black and blue marks from her falls, her swollen feet. We pay a high monthly fee for this home. It’s one of the better ones in our area.
Heaven help those, who don’t have a conscientious caregiver. I suppose that is the reason for my frustrations as well. I don’t ever expect my sons to be as attentive to me, as I am to my mother. Seeing how she relies on my help, makes me all the more aware of how we need that special someone when our time has come. I’m just wondering how and where.
Have you and other members here thought about how you will get the proper care if you should need it?
Angelheart, You have every right to be your mother's advocate in the nursing facility. Yes, nurses should notice changes in your mother's condition. There are rules and regulations for each state's nursing homes. Also, most nursing homes have Ombudsmen who act as liasions between family and nursing home staff. If your concerns are severe enough, you do have access to a Hotline. This is listed in the Social Services Section of your phone book. My Mother has been in a Nursing home since 2002. I have complained before, it is okay. There is the ideal of what we expect, then there is the reality. Nursing homes are chonically understaffed. The reasons behind the understaffing is complex and based on the profits that keep the homes viable. Government regulations on staffing have not changed for a very long time. To do so would cause the government to have to put additional funds into the care of the Elderly. Those who work in nursing homes work hard, their pay is not great. When they are doing the best they can do, no good is done in expecting more from them. This reply does not consider how you must feel about the situation. It may be too clinical. However, the bottom line is that you care enough to complain about your mother's care. I wish you well. Sherry H
Thanks for the well wishes, Sherry. Like everything else, it's all about how you say it.
I live in Germany, but the world is global, so we have just about the same system. I have to check into the Ombudsmen. I wonder if they have them here.
I can tell you what I know after quitting every nursing home I tried w/in 2 weeks time. I also have glowing references doing personal care as a C.N.A. for over 20 years.
Anyway- The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The staff does more for residents who get visitors, who have relatives who come in and complain a lot.
The aides are 'warned' in advance if a family member is coming to visit- and other stuff like "Her daughter wants her hair to be washed and fingernails clean". Often they say it with groans or sarcasm, but boy do they hop to it when someone comes to visit.
Yes, you will get a reputation. Get it.
Your mother and the others will not get great treatment no matter what, and it won't be worse if you do that.
I whispered that to visitors of residents on my last day of my job a few weeks ago. I told her it is up to her to make sure her mother gets a pillow to keep her upright; it is up to her to make sure her mother gets washed between her toes.
As a visitor, you also can get away with saying stuff like "Imagine your mother in this facility". How would you want it to be?
People are usually not at their best unless prodded or if they are working in a great place w/great wages and it is a career they really wanted.
Keep posting. I am sorry you are going through this. Blessings to you.
WOW! This is great advice! And I plan to follow it! It makes so much sense.
I couldn't visit my mother the last two days, and during this time she got a temperature of 104! The nurses didn't even call to let me know! AND they didn't call a doctor. I was so peeved. I only found out, because when I called my mother, she threw the phone off the table and I couldn't hear her. I then called the head nurse, and she said my mother is almost delirious with a high fever. I asked if the doctor came by, and she said they faxed him a note. Faxed him a note,?! After office hours?!! I called the doctor, and he immediately went to see her. ( At least one positive aspect)...I'm going in this afternoon, and will tell the nurses that in the future they better let me know when my mother is so ill. Thanks to you, ArgotMay, ...I'm not hesitant about complaining anymore. Thank you!
