Re: dog If the dog comes in a crate and is crate trained it shouldn't be a big issue unless age has made the dog incontinent.
Re: nephew
I would have the same concerns. I'm not sure why he''s part of the deal. Can you put him on a buss back to Oregon? How do his parents come into this (are they supporting him,?
Sit down with your husband and write out the "house rules" - especially important are those that you will not give an inch on. Make sure that your nephew knows that this is a temporary thing and that he is expected to pull his weight while staying there. The rules list is most important. Ask them to also make a list of their needs and expectations. You got 3 weeks, right? This will give you time to hash out any conflicts and misconceptions before you have to face them.
I don't expect the nephew to be here very long. He will miss his friends and besides, they are coming at a not so good time.......snow, ice, sleet......that can wear on an outsider pretty fast. Find out what their plans are and if he plans on it for the long haul, then give him the classifieds of the first Sunday paper after you have circled some things he could do and let him pound the payment.
Mother in law? I would be moving out, dog, no damn way! and Nephew?
I would have kaboshed this nightmare before it even started!
You gotta be kidding Me!
Remodel the attic above the garage into a wonderful den with fireplace and a very comfortable hide-a-bed. TV with DVD player, Lazy boy, and a library card.
If push comes to shove, YOU go hide there and tell no one where you went.
They're family, open your arms and welcome them in. Be glad you have family and embrace it.
You don't mention why the mother-in-law is moving in. Has she been living alone a long time. Does she suffer any dementia?
The dog, well, that will be an adjustment without having any pets currently. Usually older dogs are pretty laid back, but you will have to deal with dog hair and be sure to set the rules for the dog right away unless yo want it sleeping on your furniture. Put a chair on your sofa at night!
Show the 19 year old your "rules" right from the start. Have a family meeting going over the adjustments to be made. Given that she has been running her own house for years, your mother-in-law is going to want to have a say so in what goes on in your house. Let her know that she is welcome, but only you and your husband run the house and she has no say so.If you allow her to be intrusive, she will create a lot of hard feelings. So set things straight from the start. Being your husband's mother, she will, by her own nature, want to treat him as her child again, telling both of you what to do. You have to stop her from crossing that line before she can get a start. Tell the 19 year old that he will be expected to do things, like rake leaves, shovel the snow, take the garbage out, do the dishes and even cook once in awhile. Yes, cook! He'll never have a better opportunity to learn! He needs set chores so that he knows he's not on a free ride. At 19, he can do lots of things to help around the house yet have plenty of free time to do whatever he likes. You mention that he is irresponsible. Give him responsibilities! Be sure you discuss everything with your husband before they arrive so that the two of you provide a unified front without disagreement.
I think it best to start with Mike's attitude. You may find there is no need to start laying down a bunch of rules, or at least you may find many of your fears unfounded. If conflicts occur politely, but firmly express how things are going to work under your roof.
Every kid needs rules when living with a parent or even a proxy parent! Without rules the kids will "rule"! Be up front and lay them down from the start. Trying to create rules on the fly will only be met with rebellion.
I'm with Mike on this one..especially with the mother in law.She is probably as apprehensive as you are. she's giving up everything she's known and cherished for years.Open your heart to her and let her know often how much you love her. Believe me, being accepted with love will make her a happy person and will make the transition easier for all of you.
I agree with the nephew...he should be told he will be treated like he were your son, and that there will be rules and chores.At nineteen, he is old enough to get out and make his way in the world. Yes, times are tough but everyone can find some kind of a job if they want to work.
