I do think that the timing of the emergence of lying is linked to intelligence, I see it all the time in my preschoolers. The ones that are smartest figure it out sooner/quicker and they can be surprisingly creative and good at it (at 3 and 4 yrs old, some rare 2 yr olds too). I have also learned that's when you have to nip it in the bud so that the behavior does not positively reinforce itself.
Years ago I installed video cameras in playrooms (inspired by a child that was attachment disordered) so that supervision could continue if a care taker was temporarily called away or distracted to help another child. It was VERY interesting and enlightening to see what the children would do if they thought no one was looking,....and how good they were at covering up or faking that they had been doing it. I found the cameras to be not only an excellent additional tool in supervision but also in proper and effective discipline.
I do think that a certain level of white lying does help grease social relationships but that childhood intervention is the foundation of teaching an important balance,....the beginning of teaching intergrity and good character.
posted by PTpan
over 2 years ago
Interesting. Yes indeedy, we sure do learn from what kind of responses we get. Even my dogs know that when their people are smiling and laughing, it usually means they are doing something worthy of approval. They continue the behavior (they love approval!) and often it intensifies ...
It could be that children lie to avoid the consequences, discipline or disapproval of their parents. If there is no negative consequence to fessing up, I believe kids will tell the truth. At least that is what I have observed not just with my own children, but observing a couple and their young children firsthand who never harshly admonished their children for their behavior. If telling the truth doesn't have harsh consequences, like having one's bottom spanked, being banished to their room or whatever discipline a parent can mete out, I believe children will be candid. And maintain that candor with the parents -- most of the time. It's when they fear the consequences that a child will lie. "No, I didn't break that vase. [Johnny, the dog, somebody else] did it." "Not me."
When they observe their parents lying, then a child sees two standards. One for them, another for the parent. They can become confused. Once they are in school, they see adverse consequences and punishment meted out by teachers, other children and I think then they discover that telling the truth can mean being kept after school, having one's lights punched out by another kid -- and they learn, if they never did before, not to always tell the truth.
All people lie to avoid consequences (even if it be the social consequences by not "white lying").
Consequences and consistency is so integral to conditionsing behaviors in children that I think it's unwise to have NO negative consequences for bad actions/behaviors in order to get children to avoid lying. I instead teach that there will be WORSE consequences for the lying in addition to the behavior (which may or may not have consequences depending on type and degree). With me lying ALWAYS has (age appropriate) consequences. I've had pretty good success with the method.
On the other end of it, rewarding honesty is a big part of the equation but I keep it seperate from the consequence of the behavior/action.
And yes, I agree, role modeling is another very important part of teaching honesty.
posted by PTpan
over 2 years ago
A movie worth seeing out now.... "The invention of lying"
I don't think society could exist without it.
Ahh, Jester. Often the biggest lie of all. Right after the check is in the mail, and I will only put it in a little way.
Weapons of mass deflection.
As with any skill, we are really teaching the children to be BETTER at lying. Their early novice attempts are often cute and innocent, but as we demand that they not get caught in a lie we are encouraging excellence. This may not seem correct but this is the mechanism at work. For example, they soon learn to say "just kidding" when caught, and work with that as a disclaimer for a wile. Then they move on to the more sophisticated techniques of padding a lie, timing a lie, or redirecting scrutiny of their lie.
Eventually they get away with a lie and graduate from our schooling. Some become masters and move on to careers in politics, while others only use their skills on occasion. Perhaps to school their own children.
