Possible Answers to Questions That Need Answers
I really enjoy this group. It may help to be a Crabby Crank to have fun here, but it's the thought-filled posts that stimulate response...like Chicky's survey and inquisitive posts, and perhaps these thought provoking answers to some silly questions:
Q. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
A. That would have been Adam soon after the creation of Eve, and shortly after partaking the forbidden fruit. When their first child nursed on mother Eve, and Adam saw calves nursing on Mama cow’s dangly things, he soon got the “hang” of it. Real men have had fixations on breasts ever since. Perhaps subliminally considered another source of sustenance during seasons of famine.
Q. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt."
A. That would not have been Adam, who had better sense than to eat excrement. Perhaps one of his children saw a chicken giving birth to those thin-shelled globules and threw it at a hot rock, whereon the stuff that turned white from the heat turned out to be good for a hungry tummy. Lo and behold, the yellow stuff was pretty tasty, too!
Q. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
A. This is not rocket science after all, and because toaster rheostats are made to adjust to the consumer’s taste, it’s necessary to make them adjustable from untoasted to thoroughly burnt to a crisp. Not all carbonated toast is used for eating; it also provides an excellent blackening agent for Halloween makeup, etc..
Q. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
A. Since refrigerators with freezers above the fridge are normally found in the kitchen, and most kitchens have an overhead light of considerable brightness, there’s no need for additional light in the freezer, whereas the fridge is at a lower level and in deep shadow, so additional light is required.
Q. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
A. Note that the song is more specific, stating that “I” don’t care. It follows that the song was written for others who did care.
Q. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
A. Not without a driver! It would be quite legal if the corpse were driving with other passengers in the vehicle.
Q. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
A. It’s called the suspension of reality...besides, he tried gluing a patch of palm fronds, but lacked the constituents for making proper glue...it dissolved in salt water.
Q. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
A. My suspicion is that it could be considered a highly offensive gesture given the variety of interpretive options.
Q. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
A. Oh, come on, is anyone really so self-centered as to think he hasn’t one or more patients waiting attention? Them doctors are busy people whatever their specialty.
Q. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
A. Two reasons: 1) artist’s license, 2) Goofy is more intelligent than Pluto...dresses better, too.
Q. What do you call male ballerinas?
A. Guys in skin tight clothing are called “dancing dudes” or “bouncing buddies” depending the gender of the observer. I find ballerinas much more attractive and to my liking...so I don’t “call” the males...ever.
Q. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
A. That wouldn’t have been comical...besides, the real challenge is in the chase, because, “Once you get what you want, you don’t want it anymore.”
Q. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
A. Much longer, and far more difficult!
Q. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A. Stuff that won’t cause damage to babies, and might possibly be of some benefit to chafes and rashes.
Q. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
A. Nope...it comes from constantly obeying your conscience even when you’d rather not.
Q. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
A. Definitely a people trap, but it’s likely operated by other people who rake in lots of “cheese” by pretending to be mice.
Q. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
A. It was easier than trying to create a new melody, or the new one got ripped off and used with other lyrics.
Q. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
A. Only when the letters are well distributed, they could mistake them for words if bunched up...might cause indigestion of the mind and migraine of the belly if not well stirred.
Q. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
A. Ever try treating as asteroid with Preparation H? I believe the H stands for hole, not asteroid.
Q. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
A. Simple logic...he’d rather breathe fresh air just like everyone else.
Q. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
A. Maybe not, but it sure absorbs a lot of impatience.
Enjoy............Urban
Q. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
A. That would have been Adam soon after the creation of Eve, and shortly after partaking the forbidden fruit. When their first child nursed on mother Eve, and Adam saw calves nursing on Mama cow’s dangly things, he soon got the “hang” of it. Real men have had fixations on breasts ever since. Perhaps subliminally considered another source of sustenance during seasons of famine.
Q. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt."
A. That would not have been Adam, who had better sense than to eat excrement. Perhaps one of his children saw a chicken giving birth to those thin-shelled globules and threw it at a hot rock, whereon the stuff that turned white from the heat turned out to be good for a hungry tummy. Lo and behold, the yellow stuff was pretty tasty, too!
Q. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
A. This is not rocket science after all, and because toaster rheostats are made to adjust to the consumer’s taste, it’s necessary to make them adjustable from untoasted to thoroughly burnt to a crisp. Not all carbonated toast is used for eating; it also provides an excellent blackening agent for Halloween makeup, etc..
Q. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
A. Since refrigerators with freezers above the fridge are normally found in the kitchen, and most kitchens have an overhead light of considerable brightness, there’s no need for additional light in the freezer, whereas the fridge is at a lower level and in deep shadow, so additional light is required.
Q. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
A. Note that the song is more specific, stating that “I” don’t care. It follows that the song was written for others who did care.
Q. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
A. Not without a driver! It would be quite legal if the corpse were driving with other passengers in the vehicle.
Q. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
A. It’s called the suspension of reality...besides, he tried gluing a patch of palm fronds, but lacked the constituents for making proper glue...it dissolved in salt water.
Q. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
A. My suspicion is that it could be considered a highly offensive gesture given the variety of interpretive options.
Q. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
A. Oh, come on, is anyone really so self-centered as to think he hasn’t one or more patients waiting attention? Them doctors are busy people whatever their specialty.
Q. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
A. Two reasons: 1) artist’s license, 2) Goofy is more intelligent than Pluto...dresses better, too.
Q. What do you call male ballerinas?
A. Guys in skin tight clothing are called “dancing dudes” or “bouncing buddies” depending the gender of the observer. I find ballerinas much more attractive and to my liking...so I don’t “call” the males...ever.
Q. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
A. That wouldn’t have been comical...besides, the real challenge is in the chase, because, “Once you get what you want, you don’t want it anymore.”
Q. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
A. Much longer, and far more difficult!
Q. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A. Stuff that won’t cause damage to babies, and might possibly be of some benefit to chafes and rashes.
Q. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
A. Nope...it comes from constantly obeying your conscience even when you’d rather not.
Q. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
A. Definitely a people trap, but it’s likely operated by other people who rake in lots of “cheese” by pretending to be mice.
Q. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
A. It was easier than trying to create a new melody, or the new one got ripped off and used with other lyrics.
Q. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
A. Only when the letters are well distributed, they could mistake them for words if bunched up...might cause indigestion of the mind and migraine of the belly if not well stirred.
Q. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
A. Ever try treating as asteroid with Preparation H? I believe the H stands for hole, not asteroid.
Q. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
A. Simple logic...he’d rather breathe fresh air just like everyone else.
Q. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
A. Maybe not, but it sure absorbs a lot of impatience.
Enjoy............Urban
