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Well Dirck....sometimes it is best to just keep vipers out of our space. Some people are just not good to be around. Some people are not redeemable im afraid.

KellyALee i really hope that you are able to get through this difficulty with your friend. I really do know how hard it is when someone we love hurts us. Its also painful to live every day with that negative feeling/energy nudging us when we least expect it. Losing a close friend or loved one because of a fight/disagreement/wrong doing, leaves us with a bad taste in our mouths that just seems to linger even when we arent thinking about them....it just seems to always be there somewhere near the surface waiting to strike us. And then the hurt and loss is brought back again.

Its not easy to forgive sometimes. It took me ten years. But what i learned is that we are all human. We all make mistakes, none of us is perfect. Even if that person cannot see that they did wrong, its our choice to forgive anyway. It is very hard for me to put away my pride and my sometimes childish thoughts of..."it wasnt ME that did anything wrong/ why cant SHE say she is sorry". attitude and get over it.
I can be very good at holding a grudge. Sometimes i have excelled at it! lol. But....i needed to learn to let go. And i needed to forgive. If for nothing else to release that negative energy that was weighing me down all those years. And to set an example for my daughters. And because my faith tells me i must.

Everyone must follow their own hearts and their own paths and everyone has their own story. And i certainly dont sit here in judgement of anyone else and how they deal with things. We each do what we can with what we are given. And carry on the best we can.

Hi Folks...I must say, I have forgiven my son. I miss having him in my life. He also doesn't speak to his sister, and she has come to visit here, with me twice, since the 'incident".
Forgiving is one thing, it's the forgetting part, that is holding me back.
I have no resentment towards him, it's just my perference, not to speak to him.

I hardly ever see him, we work oposite hrs.
Well after this was done, he sent me a Mothers day card, and put a rose on the windshield of my car. at the bottom of the card, instead of writing...Love, Brian...
He wrote Sorry, Brian. Perhaps that is all I am going to get...I'd much rather have him, here in person...saying he is sorry.

I remember thinking to myself..."yep, you are sorry.....Brian. And so it goes.....Time will tell, I suppose.
It's also got something to do with not feeling appreciated...you know that you do all you can for your children, and when they go against you, I know I feel sooooo UNappreciated by him. All I ever did was try to HELP....I guess he doesnt see it that way.

Im living down south...and most Mama's are very close with their children.

I don't normally expect things from my friends...I give with no expectations...and love doing it.
But with my children there is a certain amount of expectation that they would help me, if it was necessary. But not with him....both my daughters would walk thru fire for me...and they know that I am getting older, and will be there to help if I need them.
My son, on the other hand...wouldn't know if I dropped dead, and Im living in the house right neat-door !
He won't know if something , serious happens to me, unless my daughter (his sister) gets the cops to go to his door. She lives in another state.
Wow ! What a situation. Things will work out....Im sure.

There are some very heartbreaking and heartwarming stories here.

My daughter says that the best advice I gave her, when her dad had his breakdown and disappeared from her life, is "Don't expect more from someone than they are capable of giving."

I hold no grudges against anyone....for just that reason loving50........

My husband had a crummy upbringing....he never knew his real father...and his stepfathers all were bad....the one didn't like him, and would start beating on him when he was drunk....got him out of bed at 1 AM to pick toys up and then beat him for not doing it in the first place...and many similar things caused him to go off on my husband....he hated his Mom for not stopping his stepfather, and would not speak to her for years.......I wanted our kids to know their Grandma....she had divorced the man yrs before that.....and so I had my work before me......to get them back on track.....It was very difficult....but, he "finally" let it all go.....he's made a few mistakes in his lifetime, and I reminded him that all people make mistakes....let it go....that he only allowed himself to be a victim over and again by hanging onto these things......let it go, and do not look back.....do not allow it to have that kind of power over him and his life........his Mother passed away several years ago with him there at the end of her life.....I am glad he forgave her and moved forward.....

I never had a falling out with anyone that bad....although my best friend and my husband did not like one another.....so our friendship went by the wayside....I have seen her a few times ....but our lives just went in their own directions....but, I will always know how valuable a friend I had...we were there for each other growing up....through thick and thin....inseparable......we had the most fun.......I do miss her and have lost track of where she is....I sent a Christmas card last year, and got no reply.....hope she got it.....I will resume our friendship if I can find her again...........life's too short as they say.....

so, Dirck, I understand your feelings....and sure don't blame you........

Arguments & stubbornness----------seeming two items that go together---------once once of my sisters made a very hurtful comment to my mom but about me-------I didn't talk, correspond, interact with her for over 6 months-------when my mother passed forward, I confronted my sister. I absolutely dissolved into tears, something I never do much, but to make a long story short----forgiveness can be sooooo healing.

MamaE I have a feeling your son is truly sorry for whatever he did. If he placed a rose on your windshield with a note that said he was sorry...well...men often find it difficult to speak openly and find it especially hard to say they are sorry...it seems to be a womans trait to be sorry....men are not programmed to be sorry because they are by nature the "aggressor" the "attacker" they are programmed to be on the offence not the defence. It is how they are made. Women are the communicators and if you notice, if you look around you sometime you will be able to count how many times a woman says she is sorry.
I dont know if im explaining myself very well....
MamE maybe your son is afraid to come around...he wrote sorry and gave you a rose, did you give him any response? Maybe he thinks you are not willing to forgive him and he is afraid of the rejection.

I dont believe our kids owe us anything. We bring our children into this world and it is our responsibility to raise them and provide for them, councel them, teach them morals and get them out there into the world as grown ups.
I remember watching the movie Guess Who's Coming To Dinner and there was a scene where the father was telling the son that he owed him...and the son said he owed him nothing...
here is the scene...i found it quite profound and true...