What is the longest time you have ever spent, not talking to a friend/relative/neighbor after having an argument, or disagreement?
I had a very dear friend, whom I haden't spoken to for nearly 3 years. We had a BIG disagreement....over her rent/mortgage pmt. (due to me ) just a hint here...never sell/rent any property to a friend or relative....as it may turn out very badly.
She moved out, in the middle of the night, leaving my property totally destroyed..and in complete shambles. I had an idea where she went, but not WHY ?
Its been about 5 yrs. now...she finally phoned me, and said she missed our friendship. We do talk some, now, and have resumed our friendship...but it's not like it was before.
At the moment, I'm not speaking to my son...and it's been about5 months. I am very stubborn...and if you have done me wrong....don't hold your breath waiting for me to "come around". My son owes me an apology...and until he does so...it may be years.
Boy do I understand that MamaE....this past summer my daughter got a bee in her butt over a lunch that I had here for my niece and her daughter. They were visiting from FL--central meeting point would have been in the city where my daughter lives--but she made it clear she wasn't "hosting" any family get together. So, since my daughter never calls me--never comes to see me I just "assumed" that she wouldn't want to make the drive to have lunch with her cousin--and didn't call her to invite her over. WRONG!...she went ballistic--drug every darned thing from the past she could into this situation--even blames me for her being over weight---now mind you, when she was married 16+ years ago she wasn't this overweight. She told my son she no longer had a mother--took me off of her friend's list on facebook and had her children take me off of their friend's list as well. Needless to say, this ol' Taurus(birth sign does carry a lot of weight, huh?) ain't about to apologize for something that was not intentional....
I'm a peace-maker, not a grudge-holder. I'm the one who is tolerant and fogiving. USUALLY.
My best friend of 22 years and I have recently come to loggerheads over her negative feelings and resentment toward my son (he did something wrong over a month ago). She professes to be a Christian, yet is very unforgiving of others, nurturing resentments and grudges of others beyond being reasonable and is very judgemental of others. I just got tired of it and when it was aimed against my son and I could no longer share with her the things I needed to talk about regarding my son, that was the last straw.
If I can't count on my friend to be there for me when I need to talk about my feelings about my son without her trash-talking him in the extreme, then I don't need to be talking to her. We live on their property (they live here too) and when we said we'd move because we weren't making my son move out again, she started emailing me less than 24 hours later (before 8 a.m. on Monday) to pressure us to move out as soon as possible. Fortunately, we have been up to date on our lot rent as long as we have paid it and I know I have tenants rights.
It's only been a week and I have been physically ill from the stress. I don't have many friends in "real" life due to my disability. I just want to move from here and get it all behind me.
I'll consider being friends with her again when she can let go of what happened with my son and start acting like she's a grown up instead of acting like my daughter's middle school friends.
The longest time was 10 years. My aunt handled a difficult family situation inappropriately resulting in a lot of trouble that could have been avoided. She's not someone that most of us want to associate with anyway, so it wasn't hard to just not talk to her and her family.
When my father was dying earlier this year, she was at his house and I was civil for his sake. One of her daughters is similar in age to my daughter, so they connencted. My aunt and her family are all on my Facebook friends' list now, but we aren't best buds or anything. As long as we don't talk about the issue that caused the rift, I'll be fine.
I once had a falling out with my best friend from childhood. We have been best friends since the third grade. We went through alot together over the years especially through our high school years. After we both got married we continued to be very close and yet she did something awful that caused me to not speak to her or have anything to do with her for 10 years! Worse part of that was that i had married her uncle and therefor she was now my niece and part of the family and hard to avoid during family events..but i managed to avoid her non the less. 10 years after our falling out my cousin had a baby and that baby died within five hours of birth. And for some reason it hit me how short life is...how fragile. And i realized that i didnt want to spend another day without her in my life. I knew i needed to forgive her as Jesus forgave me and that i was not living up to my standards as a Christian. Holding a grudge was hurting ME. She had moved on and was living her life. She was saddened that we no longer had a relationship but it was really me that was being hurt. I was the one holding on to the past and not willing to let go of past wrongs. She couldnt take back what was done, but i could let go of the hold that the grudge had on me. And after a few restless nights of worry that she wouldnt even take my phone call, i finally got the courage to call her. She was ecstatic. She said she had been wanting to call me for years! But that she was afraid i would reject her. And i had said i was afraid of the same thing. We cried and we agreed to meet. We never once brought up what had torn us apart in the first place. The great thing about forgiveness is that you just let it go! You dont have to have an apology...or answers....you just choose to let it go! Its a choice. We are now back to being the bestest and closest of friends. I cant wish for a better friend! She is fabulous. It has been about 7 years since we made up...i now live back in the same home town i grew up in and so we see each other frequently for lunch or her and her husband and me and my husband get together on a weekend for games and food at one of our houses. She was with me and my daughter in the delivery room when my grandson was born helping to coach my daughter through her labour. I cannot imagine what life would have been like had i chosen not to forgive and forget. It certainly wouldnt have been as nice as it is having her in it.
Thank you, Ladyjane, for sharing that. I'm at the point where I want to let it all go, too; but need the other party to do so also. I'm praying and reminding myself daily not to judge and to try and let this hurt pass on by. I hope my friend and I will be able to reconcile our relationship after a little time passes (not a lot).
Kelly....so sorry to hear that the person you considered your best friend has let you down. If a person is going to be true friends with someone then they need to do so unconditionally.....your best friend is someone who when you go out raising hell and end up in jail---will be sittin' right there beside you sayin' "man that was a blast!"...not someone who will leave you in time of need. Tracy Lawrence recorded a helluva good song in "You Find Out Who Your Friends Are"....
