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MEETING AGAIN
By Kat

Greg enters the Chanterelle restaurant where Gwen has asked him to come. It’s the first time in over ten years that they’ll be seeing each other. He hopes this time will be better than their last meeting. As his eyes dart quickly around the crowded room, trying to locate Gwen, he notices many of the women who are sitting with husbands, dates, or male friends are gazing at him. They all seem to be aware of the tall, dark and handsome man who is lingering by the door. Some of the women scan his well built muscular body with a look of appreciation while others stare at him through eyes glazed by lust. The men who are with them, leer at him as their eyes spark with jealousy and contempt. Greg smiles to himself as he’s grown accustomed to the way both men and women react toward him.

Then he spots Gwen. She is sitting at a small table in the back, which has always been her favorite place to sit. Greg thinks, I should have remembered that she likes to sit in secluded spots. He can’t keep his eyes off her as he walks briskly to her table. I’ve never seen her dressed like that before. Hmmm, she looks great in that soft black and white striped dress with the big brimmed hat tipping down over her right eye and shading her face. She looks both seductive and mysterious.

When Greg reaches the table Gwen stands to hug him. He realizes that she’s taller than his height, which is six-foot-two, in her stilettos. She leans toward him to whisper in his ear, “It’s been too long.”

“It certainly has. You look lovely, Gwen.”

“Well, thank you kind sir. It’s nice of you to say so,” she says sweetly. then giggles. “I see you’re still making a hit with all the ladies. I was watching how their eyes were following you all the way across the room.” Gwen giggles.

“I guess if you’ve got it, you’ve got it,” Greg jokes. “So how have things been going for you?”

Gwen stands to quickly twirl in front of him saying, “You need to ask?”

Greg answers approvingly, “Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all, although I never thought I’d hear those words coming out of my mouth.”

“Truthfully, I never expected you to say anything as nice either. Are you changing your mind about me?”

Greg ignores her question and replies, “Are you happy?”

“I’ve never been happier in my life. Oh, here comes the waiter, we’d better order our food.”

After the waiter leaves, Greg picks up the conversation where they left off. “What great news! I’m really glad to hear that you’re happy. I know the last time we saw each other you were fighting with depression. Actually, I was quite worried about you, Gwen.”

“I know you were, especially when I blew up at you the way I did.”

“Forget it,” Greg tells Gwen. “That was then and this is now, which reminds me, what are your plans now? Or are you still thinking about everything.”

“Why don’t you just get to the point and ask me what you want to ask? Why do you always have to go around the world with your remarks instead of being forthright?”

“Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?” Greg laughs.

“Oh, you mean like no pain, no gain?”

“Yeah, either that or no guts no glory.” Greg groans. “We could keep on like this forever, but it’s still not
getting any answers for my questions. Do you have any plans? Have you made any decisions since we saw each other last?”

“Some.”

“Some? What kind of answer is that?”

“It depends on you.”

Greg holds his frustration in check by lowering his voice. “Now you’re talking in circles. What depends on me? How am I involved in your plans or in your decisions? Can you answer me that?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re older and wiser.”

“Hey now, your compliments will not get you anywhere. Please, get to the point.”

“Oh, look. The waiter is bringing our food. Let’s eat first and talk later.”

Gwen removes her hat and when she does her golden tresses fall out from beneath it to frame her face and emphasize her beautiful, sparkling dark eyes. She flips her hair with her hand and asks Greg, “How do you like it?”

“So now you’re a blonde. It looks good on you.”

They eat their meal mostly in silence with only a few words interspersed between bites of their delicious food. The waiter comes to clear the table. As his eyes sweep over Gwen’s body they’re filled with appreciation.

“Would you care for dessert?” He asks. “Dessert anyone?” He asks again, wistfully this time, as he imagines how wonderful she’d feel in his arms.
Greg answers, “None for me. How about you, Gwen?”

“No thanks, I have to watch my girlish figure.”

When the waiter walks away Greg comments, “It seems like you’re not the only one whose watching your figure. Did you notice how the waiter kept looking at you?”

"No. You're kidding, right?"

Greg replies, “No, I’m not. I think it’s the reason he asked us twice if we wanted dessert. He was thinking about you , as his </> dessert. I’m telling you, you’d better get use to that kind of attention from now on. Let’s quit the small talk now and get down to business. Have you talked to the folks or seen them."

Gwen replies, “We talk on the phone all the time, but I haven’t been to see them since the last time you and I met.”

“What have you told them? Anything?

"Not really. That's where you come in." Greg looks at Gwen quizzically as he waits for her to continue telling him what she means. "Well, as I said before, you're older and wiser than me. I hoped you'd come along to help me tell them that their second identical twin son has made a few changes."

“I’d say there are more than a few differences.” Greg laughs. “I just hope you don’t shock them to death.”

Written: Sept. 7, 2009

Kat - I love the shock at the end. Was not expecting that. I really had old girlfriend/boyfriend senerio in mind until the end. So that was great!

Your dialogue is quite good. It’s very real.

The one thing I missed (and this is just one of my quirks), is some more action interlaced with the dialogue. i e. "Gwen removes her hat and when she does her golden tresses fall out from beneath it to frame her face and emphasize her beautiful, sparkling dark eyes. She flips her hair with her hand and asks Greg, 'How do you like it?' I like this.

This puts some movement into the story and I felt you needed a little more. I don't think some of this would add too many unnecessary words. To me it makes the reading flow more smoothly and breaks up constant dialogue.

You wrote: After the waiter leaves, Greg picks up the conversation where they left off. “What great news! I’m really glad to hear that you’re happy. I know the last time we saw each other you were fighting with depression. Actually, I was quite worried about you, Gwen.”

“I know you were, especially when I blew up at you the way I did.”

Perhaps something like -

After the waiter leaves, Greg picks up the conversation where they left off. "What great...Actually, I was quite worried about you, Gwen."

Gwen sighs, nodding her head slightly. "I know you were, especially when I blew up at you the way I did."

That's the only thing I can see that would make it a little more enjoyable reading for me, but as I said, that's one of my quirks

I have to admit I suspected the ending near the beginning simply because I was involved in the world of the theater. I was surprised last year, when I was contacted by an old boyfriend George, who is now Gina. The difference was, he had been a strong male athlete when I knew him/her and I actually slept with him when in college. It an odd world. I hadn't, however, expected that Gwen had been Greg's twin, which brings up an interesting question. If they were identical twins wouldn't they both had the pre-disposition to being gay although Gwen seems to be transexual. Oh well, enjoyed it as written.

Kat, I like the way you take readers in one direction and then give them a surprise twist at the end. It seems to be a talent of yours. The only problem I saw was the bit about them being identical twins. That would raise an eyebrow or two. Being just a twin, though, wouldn't because fraternal twins can be very different in looks and in their nature. Other than that, I think you've got a winner.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Although I didn't win the contest I got 14 five star ratings. One 4 star rating and this.



Meeting is a popular story that has received excellent reviews. We are happy to inform you that it has been selected to receive the recognized status. The great majority of the writing published on never makes it off our new listing page. Only stories, poems and book chapters that stand out, and that readers enjoy, are selected for this status. "Meeting" will be listed in the category listings. It will be considered for our all time best status when it receives more than twenty-five reviews.

Kat I really enjoyed it. I see the others gave you good ideas but I was so egrossed at finding out what was going on between them that I didn't stop to look at the other stuff. Yes I think if you had placed a little more information and movement as sunny suggested.

"He realizes that she’s taller than his height, which is six-foot-two, in her stilettos." this part I got confused whether HE was taller or HER/HE WAS TALLER???

The idea was tremendous. You sure gave a a good twist at the end. Zochitl

I'm sorry some of you were confused by this story. It was written for a contest as I stated above.

Kat - You received an excellent review from the contest people! Congratulations! As always, I'm so proud of you.

Sunny

Hi Kat,

I know we haven't met. I'm new and still trying to figure out what to say about myself.

Congratulations on your win. I haven't gotten to the point where I would do something like submit a story

I think the dialogue is great. You're a natural. I certainly wasn't looking for any kind of twist like that - you have a mind that works in interesting ways.

I think that in the descriptions, you might be able to cut some words, I think you could consider:

'Then he spots Gwen. She is sitting at a small table in the back, which has always been her favorite place.' (to sit).'

Then a little later 'I should have remembered that she likes (to sit in) secluded spots'.

I think it's one of my things not to repeat the same word often in a short stretch of words.I also like to look at descriptions I write and challenge myself to get rid of a certain number of words. Sometimes I get a new idea and end up adding instead but I like to look for the words that aren't really carrying any weight, like that game where you pull out wooden pieces while leaving the tower standing, I hope that makes some kind of sense.

Of course there are times when detailed descriptions are necessary but your story really flows with the dialogue and the characters. I want to know where they are and what they're doing but even more I want to know about them. I love how they keep dancing around each other with words and sometimes I think the description gets in the way.

I'm working on dialogue. I've been told it's one of my weak points. Thanks for posting.

Jerissa