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I was coming back to say the men of divorce are bitter and angry also.. When I married my second husband he was divorced like myself. But he was just a special man . He admired women. He passed away. It is really easier if the spouse is gone.. But another state works well too. :-)

Wow.. The comments here have been so varied. I can see the logic behind the reasons for and against marriage. For each of us we will make the choice that seems right at the moment.

For myself, I vote against marriage. As a woman brought up in the tradition of being a wife, mother and homemaker, it was a rude awakening at forty, to find I had many skills, but nothing marketable to make a decent living on my own. I believed marriage was forever.. I gave into a second marriage for the security, more than the love factor. How wrong was that! I have been on my own now for five years and can enjoy a relationship that is flexible to both of our needs. I do not worry if it will be temporary or permanent. I have a life of my own that continues on when he is not with me. The question is if this will be enough for both of us or will time demand more?

A second senario raised by Lacing1 : Suppose you wakeup one morning and find yourself deep into a relationship , but it's one where one or the other wants more commitment but the other doesn't?
I would imagine one or the other would have to make a tremdous compromise or the relationship could not last. My initial reaction (to ans my own question), would be that the more dependant of the two would have to compromise the most...being the "weaker" so to speak ....and sadly , the one who "needed" more commitment to be happy to begin with.

Is this where "character" come in to play? Does the other step up to the plate or walk away or do the two live miserably ever after . What happens now?

Good question Sonija! I opted to walk away, I could not spend my life with a cheat no matter how well he treated me otherwise and how nice he was to Mama. He had money, looks, standing in the community, helped the kids around the area etc....but I would have preferred him poor and faithful. We still talk because we move in the same circles and are civil, but there is not a history anymore, at least not a current one. Do I miss him? OF COURSE! But I am getting on with MY life and am still "becoming" ME more everyday. At times I know I sound snippy and bitchie, but I do NOT apoligize for airing my opinion and I respect all of yours. That is why I like this group, it is about the SHARING not about the STATUS or the one upmanship.

I was married from the age of 18 till 2 years ago, my whole adult life. Now, widowed, I will never marry again. I think marriage is useful when children are involved, after all, marriage is a contract.

But, at this stage of my life, with my family already made, I don't need to have a legal connection to a man. I have my own career and my own finances.

I don't want to live with anyone again. I love my house and have my own ways of doing things. I would be willing to spend time at his place or have his stay here, but, not as a living arrangement. We should enjoy each other as friends and lovers, but go home to our own places. Hey, it will be like having a mistress for him, always put together when he sees me, giving him my full attention, cooking for him or going out with him, but never allowing the mundane world (broken dishwasher, bad colds, intrusive friends) to intrude on us.

Wow, the opinions here run very wide in differences.....me personally...if I could find that special lady again, I would love to get married again....I love the companionship of a women....the talks and sharing of our lives....I would prefer not to be alone as I start getting older, or when the day comes for me to permanently retire from life....

I know some folks who have had a relationship for several years. They have separate homes but they take vacations together and spend a lot of quality time together. They decided to get married a few months ago, but they decided to keep their living arrangements the same as it had been since it worked so well for them. I think every relationship is different and needs to be treated that way. Personally, I don't think marriage is in my future. I would rather a relationship where we each have our own living space and spend quality time together.

Do you think though, if that perfect person for you arrived and was everything to you and you couldn't keep your hands or thought away from them that you would fall into the marriage thing again?

'Never Say Never' My 2nd diviorce was in '83, only if it makes money sence will I do it again.

I'm like anyone else, I don't want to die alone, but I am not sure that marriage is the answer to that. You can be in a deep and loving relationship without the benefit of a marriage contract. Having had relationships that were both in the marriage field and the widowed field, I have to confess I miss the security, but to do it again, I don't think so. I do worry about the being alone thing though. I am an only child and have just one child who is an alchoholic (doesn't look good for the home team) and only one Granddaughter. I am making plans for my OWN security, starting with getting my funeral arrangements in order. My finaces will go to my granddaughter, Sevanna and with retiring at 62, in another 5 years, I am planning on doing alot of traveling. My home will be paid off by then along with my vehicle (actually before that), so I am not rich, but doing okay for a single woman. My only concern will be my animals when I retire, no more dogs, maybe a cat or two. I love dogs, but they are harder to plan a trip around. If Bubba is still with me, of course he will go where I go. My horse Cap, will find a good home, I will make sure of it!