Change

Message 964 of 6495

It is sometimes said that people change for 3 reasons: They're scared enough, hurting enough, or excited enough. For which of these have you changed? In your experience, which is the most common reason that people change?

posted by wakeupcall

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I threw this question/topic in because I myself found it challenging to make changes; as you know it is not an easy thing to do. However, after hurt takes root in your life and you realise that life is much more worthwhile than what you are going through, the "wakeupcall" finally comes. I think HURT (70%) and being SCARED (25%) and EXCITEMENT (5%).
I thought though that the hurt would go quickly once the change happened - it still lingers.

posted by wakeupcall
5 months ago

wakeup...I can't remember if in other posts you've mentioned how long you've been single again - but be patient. The hurt does take a while to heal, but it's SO worth it once you make it over the hump. Then the excitement factor can take control & you'll be a new person before you know it!

posted by TooYoung2BeOld
5 months ago

Thank you TooYoung. It's just that for the life of me, I can't understand why it took me so long to do what was needed !! I guess I am hard on myself and sometimes impatient too.

posted by wakeupcall
5 months ago

Well, I don't know how long it took you or what the circumstances were but you're not alone in the waiting too long department. I was married to a man for over 31 years that cheated on me for the first time about 5 yrs into our marriage & repeated that about every 4-5 yrs. So no need to beat yourself up over waiting too long, because you're not in the boat alone.

posted by TooYoung2BeOld
5 months ago

It's now 2 plus years since the divorce. I was married for 37 years .The circumstances relate to a total consumption of my entire being that made me lose touch with who I really am........ more like emotional torture.

posted by wakeupcall
5 months ago

Hurt takes a long time to get over.

posted by redferd
5 months ago

wakeupcall, the important thing now is to take care of YOURSELF. You've been deeply hurt and those wounds will take a long time to heal. That is what happens when you love someone deeply and then they turn on you. You have done everything right (or at least so you thought), and your partner turns on you anyway, as if to say that your "everything" just wasn't good enough. Take care of yourself, wakeup, and try to be patient and gentle with youself. There is nothing to beat yourself up over. I tell you all these things, and I still am going through much the same thing that you are. Writing the words down to share with you is therapy in itself for me, if that makes sense. You will always have people who love and care about you right here in eons. Feel my arms around you right now. :)

posted by maggiel
5 months ago

BTW I was reading over my previous post the other day, and I do not know why I said I thought change "is sometimes caused by hurt, as in my cancer example." Reading back over it, I am sure that is NOT what I was thinking and meaning to say--but I also do not know WHAT I was thinking! LOL. Old age setting in, ya know. Sorry guys. I retract that sentence in my previous post. :(

posted by maggiel
5 months ago

All three, together and separately, have at one time or another been a factor in making change in my life.
In my marriage, I was hurt a lot and very fearful that I was losing the most important part of myself by staying so I left.
Excitement has promoted change in me as well, several times. But my two most memorable moments of excited change was when I had my children and when I decided to go back to school at 50.
I have never regretted any of them. Change can be a very good thing...

posted by stillblooming
5 months ago

For me change is usually brought on being fed up and feeling a bit hurt. Although sometimes, it is just fed up with a situation. Change is a good thing. It is all about growth and if we didn't change we would stagnate.