Change
It is sometimes said that people change for 3 reasons: They're scared enough, hurting enough, or excited enough. For which of these have you changed? In your experience, which is the most common reason that people change?
In my experience, the first two...which is the reason that I can say that everything that has happened to me, as bad as it was, has had a positive effect or outcome.
4 months ago
Good question wakeupcall...I've never thought of it this way.
I think for me is was probably being hurt enough. I had endured the hurt over & over until I finally got to the point where I had nothing left to give & no good or positive feelings left. There had definitely been the "scared" feeling before that - which translated into fear of making the change I needed to make. But the hurt is what finally drove the change.
I think for me is was probably being hurt enough. I had endured the hurt over & over until I finally got to the point where I had nothing left to give & no good or positive feelings left. There had definitely been the "scared" feeling before that - which translated into fear of making the change I needed to make. But the hurt is what finally drove the change.
4 months ago
I know I changed because I did not like the results I was getting. After looking into myself I know what I needed to change and I did it. It took some time but I know it was worth it.
4 months ago
Hurt enough and scared enough......had to change....didn't have a choice....but its the best thing that has ever happened to me.
4 months ago
Hurt definitely was the push that caused the biggest change in me. Like TooYoung, I went through a lot of hurt over several years and then something snapped in me - proverbial straw on the camel's back - and made me change. But a lot of other changes have happened very gradually over the tears (I meant to type 'years', but maybe this was a Freudian slip so I'm leaving it as is) and I'm not sure of the reasons for these changes. Maybe just growing up?!?
4 months ago
Hurt was the push here to change as well. After years of being bullied at school, hearing rejections of so called dating, working, marriage at 33, health trouble and widowhood at 46, I found myself feeling like I was a disappointment. I had to do something. I'm my worst critic, therefore I hope that I've changed for the better. I think I have!!! :0)
4 months ago
we have a saying ------- I will remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change......
4 months ago
As most have said, the first two (scared and hurt)...interestingly, I don't recall going through major changes because I was excited enough--I hope that will be the motivating factor in any future changes that I make
thought provoking post, wakeupcall--thanks!
thought provoking post, wakeupcall--thanks!
4 months ago
Well, I think a lot of people get comfy in where they are/who they are with, etc., whether it really makes them happy or not. I notice a lot of people seem to stay in their less-than-satisfactory situation and bitch and complain about it rather than doing anything to change it--because it's the easiest thing to do. Making any kind of change is scary. You are entering unfamiliar territory. Maybe it will work but maybe it won't. Like I said, it is just easier to not make the change and keep doing what you're doing and gripe about it. Staying with a job you don't really like, changing careers--it's easier and a lot less effort to just keep on keepin' on.
The major changes I've made in my adult life, I think were made only when I came to the end of the road and had to choose one way or the other, but where I currently was, that was no longer an option. So I had no choice but to change. Buying a new car for example. Yeah, I was always going to start looking for something smaller, more economical, etc. Tomorrow. But when my 1992 Grand Marquis (my kids call it my Grandma car) ended up last fall with a leak in the gas line which to fix it right was going to cost twice as much as the car was worth, OK, I had no choice but to kiss my 16-year-old trusty friend goodbye. I bought a 2009 Honda FIT which I almost immediately fell in love with! Now I ask myself why it took me so long to act. I guess it was just easier to do what I had been doing. Same thing with illness forcing a person to change--an example would be someone who has been found to have lung cancer and has had to have part of his lung removed, suddenly now is able to quit a long-time smoking habit. He always was going to quit, tomorrow. Funny how an experience like that many times will cause a person to change his ways and quit on the spot. So I think it's not excitement (unless the person is a real adventurous type), maybe hurt (as in the cancer example I gave above), maybe scared? I don't know what you call "having no choice but to make a change." But that is what gets my vote! Good question wakeupcall--thanks!!
The major changes I've made in my adult life, I think were made only when I came to the end of the road and had to choose one way or the other, but where I currently was, that was no longer an option. So I had no choice but to change. Buying a new car for example. Yeah, I was always going to start looking for something smaller, more economical, etc. Tomorrow. But when my 1992 Grand Marquis (my kids call it my Grandma car) ended up last fall with a leak in the gas line which to fix it right was going to cost twice as much as the car was worth, OK, I had no choice but to kiss my 16-year-old trusty friend goodbye. I bought a 2009 Honda FIT which I almost immediately fell in love with! Now I ask myself why it took me so long to act. I guess it was just easier to do what I had been doing. Same thing with illness forcing a person to change--an example would be someone who has been found to have lung cancer and has had to have part of his lung removed, suddenly now is able to quit a long-time smoking habit. He always was going to quit, tomorrow. Funny how an experience like that many times will cause a person to change his ways and quit on the spot. So I think it's not excitement (unless the person is a real adventurous type), maybe hurt (as in the cancer example I gave above), maybe scared? I don't know what you call "having no choice but to make a change." But that is what gets my vote! Good question wakeupcall--thanks!!
4 months ago
I moved cross country 19 months ago, after 5 yrs of living with someone. It was a very toxic relationship from the 1st month ,, So for me, I wasn't scared, but I knew, after 2 yrs of therapy, that I couldn't remain in that scene ,the resentment between us just got to be unbearable
4 months ago
