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WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH BLYTH? WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE SHE CAN DO?

Moaning, crying, and thrashing wildly in bed jolts Blyth awake. The burdensome beating of her heart, like the forcefulness of a bass drum, has her nightgown puffing in and out from it’s exertion. The wall of her chest hurts from its pounding pressure. She gasps. A suffocating feeling, cutting off her breath, grows more intense. Getting light headed she thinks, I’m afraid I’ll either faint or die, but anything is better than this.

Unstoppable pictures continuously flash through her head — the never ending intrusion that holds her captive. Even in her waking hours she’s compelled to relive the nightmare’s horror, like a scene from a Steven King novel, which has robbed her of peaceful rest for several weeks now. Every night she tries to stay awake as long as possible, fearing sleep, until her eyes grow heavy and she’s unable to hold them open for another moment. Still, when she finally drifts off, the nightmare’s rampage begins again.

Kat - You have the beginning of a great mystery. What are the unstoppable pictures - what is the nightmare. You definitely make this reader want to know more.

I have moved a few words around in your prelude just as food for thought.

"Moaning, crying, thrashing wildly in bed jolts Blyth awake. Her heart, beating with the forcefulness of a bass drum, causes her nightgown to waft in and out from its exertion. The wall of her chest hurts from its pounding pressure. A suffocating feeling grows more intense and she gasps for breath. Her head is reeling and her vision blurry. Am I going to faint, or perhaps even die? It doesn’t matter, anything is better than this.

Pictures that seem unstoppable continuously flash through Blyth’s head, the never- ending intrusion that holds her a captive. Even in her waking hours, she is compelled to relive the nightmare’s horror. Like a scene from a Steven King novel, the terror has robbed her of peaceful rest for weeks. Every night she fights to stay awake,fearing sleep. As her eyelids grow heavy, she resists their desire to close. Losing the struggle, she drifts into the dreaded state of slumber, and the nightmare’s rampage begins again."

I definitely see that an exciting book could follow your opening. This is really good.

Thanks for your comments Sunny. I used some of your words from your rewrite to change things in mine... so now it's different from the one I posted above.

I was hoping for some ideas of where to go from here. I figured it would be a mystery, but my mind is a blank about what what direction to take it.

Is Beth mentally ill? Is her job causing her nightmares? If so what kind of work does she do? Is it something she experienced in childhood that continues to haunt her? Has something happened to her recently or to someone else that is causing the nightmare?

If someone can give me some small idea, I could continue with this. My imagination needs a 'jump start'. LOL

You make up the story, Kat, but I must say, if you can keep up that level of writing, this one could be your best work yet.

Kat -

Did she possibly witness a crime and is in hiding from the criminal or criminals?
Finally she could decide to take back control of her life by getting evidence of the crime and who did it. If she is successful, and those guilty are put in prison, she can be free to live her life again. If she isn't successful, and the criminal gets her, she feels as you wrote in the last paragraph 'Am I going to faint, or perhaps even die? It doesn’t matter, anything is better than this.'

Just some thoughts.

She could also have expeienced some kind of trauma as a child and the repressed memories are trying to resurface... Just a thought... Can't wait to read more, Kat!

Those are all good ideas Kat. What about also that she is afraid of the dark and can't be in bed too long in the dark? The cold sweats and the fear of the nightmares can go back to a repressed memory she has from childhood from being locked up in a closet in her nightgown? Zochitl

Thanks everyone for your ideas. All of them are great. I've saved them for further reference. I appreciate your help very much.

Another question for all of you great writers. If you were writing this story where would you begin? Start at the dream? Write things leading up to the dream? Or at the beginning of Blyth's life when she was born?

This is great Mizkat.

Maybe this lady was married to a politician and was a pillar of society.
With a high government post and everyone admired the man and even envied the lady was was always at his side, even though she had left her post as a big wig lawyer to follow her husbands dream to make it big in the political arena. She was his right hand man, his secretary, his girl Friday traveling to all sorts of exotic places and countries, because his a big ambassador of sorts with lots of pull and power.
His dies and then all sorts of allegations start to surface about him,
drug connections, mob bosses, other ladies of the night. And government corruption and favors owed. She will lose it all, the house, the cars, the money. All her assets have been frozen because of the scandal surrounding his mysterious death right on the heels a recent highly contested reelection campaign.
She is in so much turmoil and shock, disbelief. His body hasn't even been set to rest and people are already wanting to do an investigation into his dealing and holding. A DEA federal investigation. And she is in the middle of it all. Her beloved husband of 20 years, father of her 3 children. How could this happen? Was her husband leading a double life.
and she not know about it. And now this about another child and lady wanting to contest his will before it is even read. On on top of that her father's name a former retired judge, living in an organic farm in Colorado is also being implicated. Along with her not so illustrious bum of a brother who runs the farm growing organic herbs. The charges are mounting up against her father and the idiot brother has vanished or taken off on one of his mysterious out of the country vacations and no one knows where he is.
The headlines, the tabloids, the night mares, it's just too much. She can't put a stop to any of this. Until she decides to solve the mystery of her husbands mysterious death and dealings on her owe and at least to clear her fathers good name and her children's in the process.
But how she is a lawyer and worked in the DA's office before she met her husband and stills has friends in high places that owe her favors from her days at the DA's office.
And her oldest child just graduated from one of the top law schools in the county. That's it she and her beautiful daughter will put their heads together and take on the challenge.
But what about the fisty little chiuaguagua dog. Who will take care of him while shes out? Something else to put on her plate.
Did I mention there is also a love interest that is after bones now that the husband is out of the picture.