I think your right, she doesn't want you to see how she talks to others on line. I don't always want my kids to know what I am saying either, not because it is wrong, but because I don't talk to them like I do people my own age.
I like my privacy too
I do know what you mean about feeling like your only loved when your needed.
I thought my daughter would never stop treating me that way, and she wouldn't have except I stopped letting her.
I was the worst kind of mother when I came to close to knowing something she didn't want me to know,or when I asked her for something.
I was the best mother in the world when she needed money, or a sitter.
I started being tighter with my purse strings and busy on weekends myself.
She got the message.
Jeanie....thanks.
But I talk the same to whomever. I have this serious issue about being *real*. (not that you are not). It's too hard being someone to some and someone else to another; at least for me.
I'm so tired of playing/being the role model of a mother. I just want to be ME. I'm so passed it all. I conformed myself to what I believed a Christian Mom should be; now I just want to be a Christian with no other criteria. I've done my job.
You are speaking wisely when you talk about not letting our adult children continue to be children. It's a habit! The mothering habit is so hard to break. I will receive anything else you all have to say because I want to maintain my relationship with my daughter while keeping it healthy and Godly. I thought I knew... but it is beyond the Facebook issue. Facebook just revealed it to me. :~(
All in all, I know that she cares about me. I'm just soooo serious about keeping my family relationships in conformity with Godliness. My ministry has always been my family. If I fail there... well? what else do I have? I'm not so ignorant to acknowledge that there are problems within families because we're all different and have old sin natures. I just want to minimize problems and I'll look for advice wherever I can find it. :~)
I admire people who are the same with everyone. My husband is like that. He never changes no matter who he is with. I just think that we have many facets to our personality. At work I have to act like a Sergeant. With the inmates I have to be the person who encourages them. With management I have to act another way. You see what I mean? I want to be real always, but there are times when we can't let our honest feelings show.
At some point in our relationship with our children, our Heavenly Father lets us feel what He feels when His children treat Him as though He's only a 'sugar daddy.' After all giving His only Son, oftentimes, He is looked upon with disdain and rejection. I remember once, after a set of circumstances evolved into a very disappointing end. I had tried to encourage a better approach, but was not heard. So I started telling the Lord one day, "No one listens to me!" There was a pause, and I heard in that still small voice, "Now you know how I feel..." And still today, He continues to wait patiently with love and forgiveness for so many of His children to treat with with love and respect. Selah. So this is an opportunity to identify with the sufferings of Christ who gave all. He is working in us His will and His good pleasure, the love of God shown to the world, beginning in our own family relationship. Jatfla, I know your heart is so much in the right place for your daughter. I understand how you feel. I too went through tough times with my daughters, but Jesus taught me so much about His heart through it all. So you're right ... He's working on us :-) Sometimes, especially with adult children, we must let them go ... they will come back, just as God's children eventually come back to Him. I hope this helps a little. I could write books on this as I raised 5 kids (now 40-45) and now have ten grandchildren (4-17); and I'm still learning, waiting, praying, forgiving and loving .. it is the walk of faith, the Christian lifestyle. And someday we will go home to glory to receive our reward! A beautiful crown which we will put down at the feet of Jesus. Galatians 2:20 is a life verse for me which helps in just about every difficult situation. May it bless you too. Blessings and love ...
Thank you Trailblazing for Galatians 2:20 NIV:
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
I understand the concept about being real - I like to call it "being true to myself." But, like Treasuregirl said, we act different depending on situations, and I think that is normal. For instance, I like to be a smart aleck at times - but not a good thing when you're sitting in the boss's office. I'm finding that here in the South people don't have the same sense of humor as they did in the North. But, I feel I can adjust to the situation and be true to myself without perhaps being as "real" as I might be in a different situation.
So many good thoughts have been brought out on this topic (okay I admit I am jealous since I'm not getting responses on my postings!) but I wanted to add this to the discussion:
I think it is human nature to expect other folks to act and think like we do. Perhaps that is because, when we are young and going through school, we are all little vanilla beans getting stamped with the same information. Who else out there (be honest now) uses their life to set the baseline for "normal" (Thank gosh I'm normal, since all of ya'll are messed up! ~joking!~)
But, at some point - probably young adulthood - we realize that other folks certainly do NOT act and think the way we do!
Then we have kids. Well, certainly THEY will act and think the same way we do! Hmmm. Don't know about everyone elses, but my kids are as different as night and day and neither one of them fits that mold! Sure they have similarities - we shared environment, genetics, and way of life. And I taught them, as best I could, to be good Christian children and men. But I am incredibly fallible and they are independent thinkers that have got to make their own way.
Jatfla, you said your ministry is your family. That is wonderful. But why worry about failing? How can we even define failing when it comes to ministry? If we are in God's will, then no matter the outcome that we see, we are successful! The seeds of Godliness and prayer that you plant will go on for generations, long after your journey ends. Moses never got to enter the Promised Land, he could just see it in the distance. I will likely never know the outcome of the many boys and girls that went through my Sunday School classes since I don't live there anymore, but I did what I knew God wanted me to do. I think we can only fail when we are out of God's will, but even then He will guide us.
Wow! There are some spiritual and insightful women here. And to think I thought I was the only one. :~)
All of you are correct. Your wisdom, through experiences, is well worth the reading and pondering.
Treasure...I think when we're in a workplace there is a need to act a certain way; after all, it's our job description. I keep thinking I've fulfilled my job description and I'm done. I don't like being put back into that box called 'mother'. While it is an awesome calling involving considerable work, self-sacrifice, and self-discipline...I keep thinking I've done all I can do.
While I know Daughter cares about me, I'm still in that box. Maybe there is no escape once you've given birth. :~/ All my child-rearing years I've heard about the importance of not being your child's "friend" but being their "parent". Done that & don't want to do that anymore. *sigh*
I know for a fact that I would never do or say anything that I knew would hurt or embarrass my parents even though we were never close. I guess that's where the crux lies. She hurt me, knows it and has chosen to pretend it's not an issue...knowing full well it is with me.
We can end this. I still feel silly about it feeling so personal. My DIL, who arrived today, was also deleted; so it was just the two of us. She, too, wanted to know why. But who knows what lurks in the hearts of our children? I feel pretty arrogant when I realize I thought I knew!
Thanks everyone. I did right by asking for your insights....all were excellent.
