I saw this in a magazine and thought I would pass it on. It is about that powerful but often misunderstood emotion anger. The writer said "anger is an investment. We never get angry at someone we do not care about. Anger, therefore, is not the opposite of love but a dimension of it - a sign of a love deeply wounded". Do you agree with this? If not why not?
She is wise in a way, but I say that with caution because she is not well balanced in it(and it does effect her relationships). She doesn't allow herself to get emotionally close to others (because she's protecting herself). And therefore she does push people away also. So while being "rational", she can be also be unfair in her judgement of others who allow their emotions to play any part in their decision making (which it should to an extent when you're involved in relationships). She doesn't understand people not being able to just turn off emotions like she can. It's not always a good or healthy thing, she does it with everyone, not just ex husbands. And expecting others to be like her, she doesn't allow others any kind of grieving process, at the very least expects it to be VERY short.
It's not like she doesn't have emotion, she just cuts it off and buries it and then it comes out in weird ways at weird times later. Little things can set her off and she's crying and WAY over the top. It's weird actually.
I believe in balance. Allow the greiving (which anger is a part of) and then eventually let it go so it doesn't fester and we end up poisoning ourselves. The first wounding may come from another but our choice to hold onto it and keep rewounding ourselves comes from US.
The problem I've always had with anger, is that it's so easy for it to escalate.
"We never get angry at someone we do not care about"; I'm not sure many victims of domestic violence would agree with that.
*** One of the most common Thai expressions I hear is, 'mai pen lai'.
'Mai pen lai' is used to AVOID confrontation and the subsequent 'lose of face' for the person who gets angry.
I've never heard an exact definition of the phrase, but I've come to believe it means: 'don't worry about', 'not a problem', 'don't get your panties in a wringer'.
If you have a problem, be cool, work it out.
It's not an easy thing to learn, and to follow; but I've adopted it as my own, and I feel good about it.
jon Chiang Mai Thailand, a.k.a. 'the Land of Smiles'
Having been around two men who had anger issues, I don't let anger build. I talk things out before things escalate, and I have little tolerance for those who don't. Of course, I realize there are times and situations when things can get out of control, but anger management and perspective is a skill EVERYONE should learn.
Anger is not the problem, how a person decides to handle anger definately can be. Anger is a normal human emotion, the more we try to avoid it, the more it manifests.
I agree with talking it out, all my experiences with people who have had "anger issues" were with those who either didnt know how and/or didn't care to talk things out. Control issues also went hand in hand (the source of the anger).
I spent a life time thinking getting mad was "bad" and not OK, especially for women. Not anymore. It's perfectly OK for me or anyone else to feel anger. It's Ok to express anger too, just as long as it's not abusive.
I think I sometimes get frustrated with people who are not living their full potential - and speak to them about that - it sometimes is misunderstood as anger. It is not - it is a risk I take with that person - because I want the very best from them. They are better than they think they are.
PT..my parents never argued in front of me, so I also grew up believing anger for me was not a good thing. I was afraid of driving people away. Like you...NO MORE. I have no trouble expressing myself, but I have no need to approach it as an out-of-control lunatic. Again, having seen others rant and rave and accomplish nothing, I state my case and that's it. I don't always have to be right. I just want to be heard and my viewpoint considered.
I think there is a difference between anger and violence. Not all angry people are violent, but I suppose you can say all violent people have anger issues. Anger is an emotion; violence is physical.
I've always thought that the opposite of love was indifference. You have to invest emotion in someone or something in order to hate or be angry at them. The same is true of love. But with indifference you aren't investing anything.
So many of you are saying that you need to care about someone to be angry at him/her.
Would you feel angry at someone who wedged into a parking space for which you had been waiting? Would it make you angry to see some woman slap her child in the face, in public? Would you feel angry if your insurance company refused to pay for a test you really needed?
I think it's just untrue. You can definitely feel angry at someone about whom you care not at all.
It's true that people we love can make us very angry, but, anger is no caused by the love.
