I can relate to the people thinking you are doing great. I SO hide my emotions everywhere but here. Sometimes I can imagine my extended family and friends asking those close to me how I am doing. Im' sure they are saying "OH, she is fine." And that kind of bothers me because I don't want people to think that I don't miss Ken terribly, every minute of every day.
It has only been five months. I am happy to be on this site or I would maybe start believing that I should be OK and think that I was not normal. I don't think I want the pain to go away because I don't want to forget about Ken at all. But it would be nice if the lows, like today, weren't quite so low. Oh, well. I know there will be an upswing coming.
Deb
It will be one year on Sunday - I really hope the second year is NOT worse than the first - if so I just don't think I could face it.
I think we all hide the emotions from our family and friends, after awhile because we are ashamed to still be feeling so darn bad all the time. For me, all my friends and family think and tell me how proud they are at how well I am handling Jack's death 20 months ago, and I just smile and say thanks, but really under my breath I am saying something different. Things suck in general still, but I no deep down in my heart now that Jack is not going to come back to me and I have to find some kind of normal, after all it will be two years in September and I know that is what my friends and family are thinking. But in my heart, it seems like only yesterday that I lost him and that is why the 2nd year is only a little bit better, crying wise, but not emotionally wise. It is hard to explain, but the tears don't come as frequently in the 2nd year, but the heartache is still there and people think you should be over their death by now. So you have to pretend to be okay for your friends and even your family and that sucks big time. So you still need to take one day at a time and still baby steps, even in the 2nd year.
Hugs,
Kathy
We all put on a good show for our family and friends. They tell us how strong we are and how well we are doing. But they don't know what we are really feeling. Yes I may be strong because Bob taught me a lot about taking care of the house, cars and etc. But he is not hear to help me and sometimes I don't have the confidence to do it on my own. I try not to think to far in the future. It scares me to be alone. Now my good neighbors who understand how I feel are breaking up and I will truly be alone. I only have my son, no relatives left. This life sucks.
I have no one in my home, except two dogs and three cats - who understand very little. Like Deb said, this is about the only place where I am willing to share what's really going on with me. I have two old friends who are also widowed, but I see them rarely. Once in a while I will 'slip up' and get honest... One thing that has helped me is journaling about my feelings. It's good to get the emotions outside of me where I can get a new persepctive on them.
Lani, all we have to do is Today. It may suck, but maybe the next Today will be more bearable. Hang in there, girlfriend.
hugs...marty
It is 17 months today for me since Louis has passed. I do shed tears everyday because I miss his physical presence...because after he retired...we were together all the time.I do pray everyday and I feel God has given me the strength to cope with my new life....which for me is adapting to the "new" silence and loneliness....and yes at times I do feel like screaming...but calm myself down....and say this is all God's will and there is nothing I can do about it but accept it...and know one day Louis and I will be united and "dancing" in heaven.
God Bless us all.
Linda
It is 27 months for me now. The first year, when people would ask my how I was doing, I would tell them "sometimes OK, other times, not OK". I have two lady friends who are also widows. One, lost her husband 5 years ago, the other 9 months ago. We had lunch together today and spent over 2 hours talking about many things; some serious, others that were funny. We are all 3 moving on in our lives and have no desire to marry again. (That would mean having to cook).
We all go to the same church and when we are here, go to Sunday lunch together every week. We feel Blessed to have each other. I also have friends all over the country that have been very supportive. I just went on a long trip with one couple and the day after I got home, another couple came (in their RV) and spent 5 days with me. Jim did some of the repairs that my Dave would have done for them if the situation had been reversed.
There are times, especially at night, on weekends or if a potty floods that I really feel it but I know it is part of the walk through life. Like Rainbowblue 1953, my turn will come for my life here on earth to end.
Maybe this could be compared to Labor pains. Hard going through them but the ultimate reward will be in our next life.
Labor pains and death? Hmmm
