it's a beautiful day in NE Ohio...I have so much to be thankful for...but while changing a hall lightbulb and doing some yardwork ALONE...I JUST broke down again...I hate having to take care of this stuff alone...it's not that I'm not able I just don't like doing it alone....it's been 18 months....when or when will I get further ahead than I am now...it's a rhetorical question and I know the answer....just had to vent...
Go ahead and vent sweetie, I have done it plenty of time, it was 2 years 5/28 and I still sometimes breakdown, but as I say, THANK GOD FOR PROZAC AND VALIUM. They really help. CC
Today, June 7th is the Anniversary of my Husbands passing. It has been 27 years and I still have days that I cry. It could be anything that sets it off, a song, a smell, a place but mostly I think it's the loneliness. ( I can feel lonely in a room full of people ) But thankfully those days get farther and farther apart. They will for you too, you just have to give yourself time. In the mean time cc is right, go ahead and vent. I think tears are cleansing for the soul.
Dear Ohiowoman, It's been 3 yrs for me but somedays it just doesn't get any easier. I've learned how to fix somethings for myself, however, I still find it easier to just put someting off. I've never been the type of person that does things for my own pleasure. I find pleasure doing things for someone else. That person was always my husband or kids.
Children grown and grandchildren almost grown. I started to do volunteer work at a local hospital. But even the type of volunteering must be something you can find some joy in. I still find Sundays difficult. I read quite a bit and am not an outgoing type of person which makes it hard.
I've had to pay a handyman for some of the things that break down which can be expensive. I also am thankful for so many things. I sometimes feel a little guilty because I know others have it worse than I do. It's the loneliness that's the worst part.
It does get a little easier as time goes on. At times it's one step forward and two steps backwards.
Please take care of yourself. Crying is good...........better than keeping it all inside. Aleksa
Hi ohiowoman, I live in NE Ohio too...and I lost David a month and a week ago. I am now trying to talk to Wells Fargo so I can decide what to do with the house in the estate. We weren't married so the atty has to get a letter to WF so they can speak to me since I am executor and the house goes to me to sell. Do you think the atty has done thay yet? NO..it's been about 3 wks. I can't talk to WF and I don't know if I will be able to live here or not..I don't think I can afford it..so today I went to look at some mobile homes in an over 55 community. they're really nice but its so sad. This is my home but not without David. So, i'm feeling sad today, too, that I can't move ahead (stupid atty) and that I just have to move someplace totally new on top of all these other changes.
I feel your pain. I have rheum arthritis and Dave was the one who fixed things and did all the work around the house. Now I'm counting on my neighbors. I feel like half of me and my personality is gone. I know it will get better eventually but right now it hurts like heck.
I completely know what you are talking about. I am at 21 months out and I still hate being by myself and this grieving thing, I wish I could just put it in a box, seal it up, and place it on a shelf, never to be opened ever again. I am weepy today, out of the blue, and I just hate feeling like this, over and over again. I don't have any miracle answer for you or me at this point. I guess we still need to be taking those baby steps, one day at a time, and little, tiny steps in the right direction. So hang in there and we will get through this one day at a time and please keep posting, so we can talk about what you are feeling. Big hug, Kathy
I'll be at 10 summers (6-23) since Brenda's death. It truly pains me so. I cry every time I see a couple holding hands. I cry when the TV is on and something just triggers my emotions. I miss her so much. I'm lost, confused, and tired. I don't have answers to your questions, but I try so hard to take one day at a time. I try to reflect on the good times I had with her, but sometimes I feel like I just ran into a concrete wall at 120 mph. We all have to hang in there. May peace, courage and strength carry us in the days to come.
Lani, when you mentioned yardwork, it really triggered some feelings in me. I was working outside much of the day today. David and I always used to work outside together - not necessarily on the same project - and I felt so much alone, this day. I believe I heard "attagirl!" a few times... but there was still no one to share my accomplishments with, and no one to brag on the things he'd done. Things are getting better, inch by inch, but when will it end? hugs...marty
It was 3 years last month. I couldn't sleep last night. I lay there and tried to remember the tender moments we shared. I remember a few but I just couldn't get clear images. The tears rolled down my cheek and I just couldn't sleep. I remember 1:30 AM on the clock and still no sleep. It is better this morning. It is not important to see the clear images just the feelings we had for each other.
It is comforting to know I am not the only one who still has bad days - 7 years later. I never knew I could miss someone this much! It gets a little easier each year that passes, but it is always a part of me - a sadness I own that only you and others like you and me fully understand. I also miss working on the yard with him - funny how the little things you never thought that much about are missed so much!
