If you have built a friendship you hold on to the friendship until you meet or just lose communication. Once you meet then maybe a romance will begin. I know both parties can find comfort in talking on phone etc. and really feel trust and desire but I do not believe love comes until the parties actually meet and spen time toether. This is not saying that you both can't commit to friendship and it does carry over to love without separation of any time. Just the actual feel of love for me I can't believe it happens just by long distant communication. There is no specific time you wait, you wait until you get tired or they get tired of communicating.
This is such a good topic.. and something that has piqued my curiosity. It seems to me if people register for an online dating site, they are ready and interested in dating... but I'm not really sure that is the case. It certainly is helpful to get to know eachother in some online format, but really. the person to person meeting is the only way one knows if there is chemisty/ attraction etc. So.., why does it take so long for some to "commit" to a meeting?
Let's give this one another go!
Fear....maybe one or both have presented themselves in a false way...meeting in person would bring that out. Maybe they really don't look like the little photo that's on their profile....Maybe distance is a problem. Maybe all they really want is friendship
Great topic! We have to take what is. If things don't progress to a meeting, distance isn't a problem, keep right on trucking. Continue the online correspondence if it fulfills a need, but don't place any eggs in that basket until there's a meeting. Chemistry is important, whether we want to recognize it or not. People can develop strong mental bonds and even emotional rapport. But if upon meeting there just isn't 'something there', then a friendship is all it can be.
If someone is reluctant to meet, there could be many, many reasons. They could have misrepresented themselves as to who they are. Their eligibility, for they could be married or living with someone. They could just be one of those people who like to build virtual relationships, live on fantasy -- with no intention of ever forming one. They could be just playing and have no intention of meeting you -- or maybe anyone. If one checks craigslist and some of the other sites they will see ads where people are honest enough to say all they want is an email or phone pal.
To me the most important thing is that the relationship fulfill my needs. If I want a dance partner, a dinner partner, a companion, someone to go places with -- online chat and emailing won't cut it at all and I won't email and talk on the phone with a person for very long before arranging a meeting.
I have found that if a man really wants to meet you, they will let you know pretty soon after communications begin, especially if they live close to you. Usually when a man wants to meet a woman, he makes it happen. If he only wants prolonged e-mail, phone or other internet communications, he is probably not interested in a real life relationship.
I'm a long way from everyone, but it's not rocket science figuring out who's serious about meeting me and who's not.
If you're getting lots of excuses and cancellations, you've got your answer. It's just not the one you wanted. For whatever reason, you are not going to the "next level." Stay or move on....the choice is yours.
You can't mold a relationship to suit....but you can choose whether you continue it or not.
All you gals, talking about men being reluctant. I have observed the same thing with several women too. Maybe neither of us knows how to speed up the process! Sometimes it seems to take weeks or even months before I can get some women to commit to a date. Should I be more assertive? Be insistent? Or what? Beg? I think it's trepidation or fear. Is it chemistry, how can it be chemistry when we haven't even met yet? If only I could figure out what women were thinking. Some women are definitely insecure, others are jumping back into the game too fast. So far though, I haven't discovered any misrepresentations. Overly cautious? I arranged a date with one woman and then about three days before it was to occur, she dropped off the face of the Earth. I heard from her again a few months later. I think that she was going through a period of depression, clinical depression.
Patti and Honeybee said it best, if they (and you) want it to happen it will happen, though distance is one of the biggest issues if its going to work it will work. I actually know of a few people who met as friends on EONS and two coupled married (this year) so it does happen. But they both have to want it and are mature enough to deal with the other stuff that happens when two people do not live in the same city. I have a few wonderful dear male friends from the EONS site and we keep in touch daily. Possibly its the best way to get to know each other and if anymore comes of one of the friendships that wonderful if not whats the worse it can be you still have a great friend. Either way its a win - win... JMO
My experience is what Patti mentioned--the person is involved with someone else and is just looking around for something better or FWB. Although one man neglected to mention he had a serious medical condition until after we had agreed to the date. However, he ended up cancelling the date and never contacted me again.
