WIDOWHOOD HAPPENS can do a lot — if you will let it. It was written primarily to help married people smooth the way for the inevitable — the death of a spouse. It became more than that.
It may help the already widowed to sort out their own feelings about their widowhood experiences by comparing them to the sharing, real-life characters in the book.
Friends and relatives of the bereaved can benefit too. They should put some deep thought into what they say to the surviving spouse. Usually, the widow or widower is simply going through the motions at a funeral or memorial service. Many comments from well-wishers should have been left unsaid. No one wants to hear, “Well, you’re young. You’ll get married again.” Another bad choice is, “You had six years together.” This was said to a pregnant young mother of two. It’s insane. There is sometimes criticism from relatives who take over and act as though the survivor has no brain, and has to be told everything to do. Not necessarily so.
Author Gene K. Garrison listened as widowed people told her about their own personal experiences. Not everyone has the same reactions. They live in different circumstances, wealthy versus poor, for instance. They have different personalities, and were married to spouses who also had their own strengths and weaknesses. Some are young,
some middle-aged, and others old. We, as readers, see their predicaments with money, plumbing, moving, self-blame, and friends and relatives who are both helpful and a hindrance. Funerals and memorial services are also discussed. The only list in the book is a very important one given by the attorney.
In between the poignant personal stories are interviews Garrison held with professionals and heads of organizations that deal with the problems of widowhood. A psychologist, lawyer, medical doctor, protestant minister, Catholic priest, therapeutic weekend designed to untangle the morass of guilt, a social club, a group that prepares widowed and divorced people who have been out of the work force for many years to sharpen their skills and bolster their self-confidence.
There are examples of what can happen all through the book, without the author giving any advice, except for two important pieces of information directed at friends and relatives: Listen and Don’t judge.
One chapter is titled What have You Done to Prepare for Widowhood? Try asking your friends that sometime.
After the shock of the question, the answers will surprise you. Ask yourself that too.
At a book signing a man asked, “Can people get through widowhood without the help of your book?” Of course they can. For eons past, people have muddled through, taken to their beds, cruised the oceans blue, escaped reality with drugs, leaned on those who offered to help them, and finally pulled themselves together in order to get on with their lives. Make it easier on yourself by finding out the options,
discovering the pitfalls.
Widowhood Happens is not all doom and gloom. There is aid and comfort in the community. There’s the possibility of freedom — freedom to start something new, to meet new friends, to do volunteer work — involvement in anything you want. It’s a new life. It’s different, and that doesn’t mean it has to be miserable. It’s up to the survivors. Some will grasp the new life with enthusiasm. Others will accept the
brutal truth. Life is a challenge.
If we had the foresight, we planned for this eventuality. It’s a surprise ending. Find out more about what others experienced and how they were helped.
Strangely enough, Widowhood Happens is, for the most part, an easy, interesting read. It is not classified as religious. It’s simply human.
This sounds like a very helpful book. I was widowed about 7 years ago and I could have used a book. I'll look forward to talking to you during your time.
Isobel
This will show you that I don't get around to answering messages very often. It has been more than two years since you left a nice comment about my Widowhood Happens book. I'm still plugging it,
and have a marketing expert helping me with it now. The writing is the interesting part. After that it's not so much fun.
I notice that you haven't had much activity at your site. Did you get disinterested?
Gene K. Garrison
