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Ungrateful (Adult) Kids
Does an adult child blame you for how their life may have turned out? Were you divorced? Too kind? Tried to be a friend vs. a strict parent? Does their attitude continually push you away? If you are a victim of an adult-child's animosity then let's talk about it to problem-solve the issue.
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"LIFE IS TOO SHORT? ..."
** UNTITLED **
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets
So love the people who treat you right,
Forget about the one's who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands;
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just
promised it would be worth it."
** Author unknown **
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets
So love the people who treat you right,
Forget about the one's who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands;
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just
promised it would be worth it."
** Author unknown **
2 months ago
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Ungrateful Disdainful Adult Children
Ungrateful (Adult) Kids
From
ClosMeridian
Date
Sat Jul 05 18:09:12 -0400 2008
Subject
Disdain Adult Children
Message
I financially support all four of my adult children: one female and three males.
Two weeks ago my 29 year old son's formal wedding ceremony was held overseas. The trip brought my entire family together. I have three teenage grandchildren. My daughter and grandson invited one friend each to the wedding.
The festivities lasted approximately three days. I spent one week away from home altogether.
I was a working single parent for 38 years. I am now retired, 65 years old, and never remarried. Age wise, my adult offspring range from 24 to 38.
I encouraged higher education and professional credentialing.
Three of these adult children have completed advanced degrees and earned credentials. Two are job hunting. The fourth individual is progressing toward his educational goals.
I am proud of them. I can remember what I expected. When they became adults, I wanted my kids to have happy, stable, fulfilling lives. I wanted them to develop and practice respect for themselves and others.
This is of my disjointed rant, the evil lyrics of the chorus in my mind, along with selected snips of my anxiety attacks.
The Wedding Week
My second son tells me to shut up as he is leaving on his honeymoon. I declined his offer to stay three more weeks and make use of the free housing he has secured for me. He wants to know the reason. I tell him I do not want the expense of eating out alone at this time and have other commitments at home.
My first son becomes drunk and tells 5 male strangers many private things at the reception, including the fact that he thinks his mother (referring to me) needs to get in touch with her roots. He used slurs in reference to me.
My eldest, a daughter, arrives for the wedding, spends all her time with her two daughters and the friend. At the receptions she dances with the female friend. She decided to use the event as a very public declaration of personal independence. She used my credit card to purchase meals, merchandise, airplane tickets even though I told her this was not a wise time to spend money because I could not afford it.
My granddaughter asked for $10,000 to pay student exchange program fees. I said no. I already pay the mortgage, cell phone bill, utilities, automobile, gasoline, insurance, etc. So, they asked the paternal grandmother who offered to pay, but required a notarized promissory note for one half of the fees. It is to be a loan, which my daughter has promised to repay. I am learning the hard.
I flew home feelings depressed, angry, disappointed, hurt, and surprised.
So, far I've seem to have influenced the human development of three adult monsters. These things are bothering me right now.
I retired last year. My daughter invited me to stay at the house until the date for the wedding trip. She was overwhelmed with projects, finals, exams, an internship, the grandchildren, and housework. I set about cleaning up the house and getting things organized.
One of my daughter's friends comes to the house. She sits down to talk and tells me that my daughter talks about me like a dog. I think people like this are dangerous. Gossipy people always worry me. Right away I have one thought, “Beware of the dog that is carrying the bone.” Still, I am bothered by the visit, and let my daughter know about it.
My 31 year old son telephones from 3000 miles away. He tells me that my daughter is concerned about my personal hygiene. She confided her suspicions about my bathing habits and change of clothes. So, I get lectured about this. I am embarrassed, humiliated, and angry. He also wants to discuss the numerous medications my daughter has told him about. Right away I have the urge to say that my medication list is confidential. I’m sleeping on the sofa. My boxes are packed away in my car, with no space to store my things inside the house.
I speak to my daughter about this. She apologizes to me face to face, and says she was just worried about me.
Why is it that they worry about whether I take a bath and change my clothing? In the past six months my son asked me for more than twenty thousand dollars to live on until he got the results back from his state tests and landed a good job.
Yesterday, this same son began by telling me that I had a real hang up against alcohol and drinking. He said he has had to put up my hang ups all his life and he is sick of it. He must begin to think about getting off the teat, right? He yelled at me that he had earned all those damn degrees for me!!! I called him back. I told him I have a psychiatrist and counselor to medicate and provide treatment. I told him never again to tell me what’s wrong with me, or repeat the things anyone says about me. Besides, I added, he doesn’t need a mother anymore. What he needs is a job, some manners, respect, and decency.
My kids are smart/gifted, IQ wise. Early on, I was intimidated by their ease. They are actually self centered, egotistical, greedy creatures like all human beings. I need to do some soul searching and look in a mirror. Now, my grandchildren seem to be exceptionally smart and already are on the road to being, what I have come to functionally define as screwed up.
After a month, she tells me the kids are really pissed at me because they can't find anything. I picked up everything off the floors and caught up on the laundry. The 15 and 16 year olds complain, scream, pout, and threw all the clothing I've washed and folded on the floors. My daughter says for me not to fight with them. Gradually, I become more and more careful about everything I do and say in the house. I want to disappear, vanish. So, when the day for the trip to the airport arrives I watch my tongue because everyone is excited and grumpy before the trip.
Well, I should have guessed there would be a problem! My daughter took off with her kids and lover to travel around when the bank suddenly puts a security hold on the credit and debit cards for security/fraud protection. Back at home, I notice my credit card isn't working anymore so I call. The Customer Service Agent says that all we have to do is call either the domestic or the international number before each purchase. I email her right away to remind her to call the number on the back of the card.
However by now, my daughter, and her extensive network of friends have decided I am a bigot and a hater. Obviously I have cut her off because....
So first my son sends me an instant message asking why I have not replied to his older sister's email messages. I explain the case with the bank and ask him to contact her.
Later her best friend comes to the house to say she has spoken with my daughter's friend on the telephone, and learns of the bank card failure. My bank accounts are up for public discussion now! (dummy)
No more business as usual. Mom is growing up this week.
I am tired of the drama. I want to distance myself from all these people. I have never before considered why some prefer senior living centers. I plan to do a little more research on this subject.
Wow, I feel better.
From
ClosMeridian
Date
Sat Jul 05 18:09:12 -0400 2008
Subject
Disdain Adult Children
Message
I financially support all four of my adult children: one female and three males.
Two weeks ago my 29 year old son's formal wedding ceremony was held overseas. The trip brought my entire family together. I have three teenage grandchildren. My daughter and grandson invited one friend each to the wedding.
The festivities lasted approximately three days. I spent one week away from home altogether.
I was a working single parent for 38 years. I am now retired, 65 years old, and never remarried. Age wise, my adult offspring range from 24 to 38.
I encouraged higher education and professional credentialing.
Three of these adult children have completed advanced degrees and earned credentials. Two are job hunting. The fourth individual is progressing toward his educational goals.
I am proud of them. I can remember what I expected. When they became adults, I wanted my kids to have happy, stable, fulfilling lives. I wanted them to develop and practice respect for themselves and others.
This is of my disjointed rant, the evil lyrics of the chorus in my mind, along with selected snips of my anxiety attacks.
The Wedding Week
My second son tells me to shut up as he is leaving on his honeymoon. I declined his offer to stay three more weeks and make use of the free housing he has secured for me. He wants to know the reason. I tell him I do not want the expense of eating out alone at this time and have other commitments at home.
My first son becomes drunk and tells 5 male strangers many private things at the reception, including the fact that he thinks his mother (referring to me) needs to get in touch with her roots. He used slurs in reference to me.
My eldest, a daughter, arrives for the wedding, spends all her time with her two daughters and the friend. At the receptions she dances with the female friend. She decided to use the event as a very public declaration of personal independence. She used my credit card to purchase meals, merchandise, airplane tickets even though I told her this was not a wise time to spend money because I could not afford it.
My granddaughter asked for $10,000 to pay student exchange program fees. I said no. I already pay the mortgage, cell phone bill, utilities, automobile, gasoline, insurance, etc. So, they asked the paternal grandmother who offered to pay, but required a notarized promissory note for one half of the fees. It is to be a loan, which my daughter has promised to repay. I am learning the hard.
I flew home feelings depressed, angry, disappointed, hurt, and surprised.
So, far I've seem to have influenced the human development of three adult monsters. These things are bothering me right now.
I retired last year. My daughter invited me to stay at the house until the date for the wedding trip. She was overwhelmed with projects, finals, exams, an internship, the grandchildren, and housework. I set about cleaning up the house and getting things organized.
One of my daughter's friends comes to the house. She sits down to talk and tells me that my daughter talks about me like a dog. I think people like this are dangerous. Gossipy people always worry me. Right away I have one thought, “Beware of the dog that is carrying the bone.” Still, I am bothered by the visit, and let my daughter know about it.
My 31 year old son telephones from 3000 miles away. He tells me that my daughter is concerned about my personal hygiene. She confided her suspicions about my bathing habits and change of clothes. So, I get lectured about this. I am embarrassed, humiliated, and angry. He also wants to discuss the numerous medications my daughter has told him about. Right away I have the urge to say that my medication list is confidential. I’m sleeping on the sofa. My boxes are packed away in my car, with no space to store my things inside the house.
I speak to my daughter about this. She apologizes to me face to face, and says she was just worried about me.
Why is it that they worry about whether I take a bath and change my clothing? In the past six months my son asked me for more than twenty thousand dollars to live on until he got the results back from his state tests and landed a good job.
Yesterday, this same son began by telling me that I had a real hang up against alcohol and drinking. He said he has had to put up my hang ups all his life and he is sick of it. He must begin to think about getting off the teat, right? He yelled at me that he had earned all those damn degrees for me!!! I called him back. I told him I have a psychiatrist and counselor to medicate and provide treatment. I told him never again to tell me what’s wrong with me, or repeat the things anyone says about me. Besides, I added, he doesn’t need a mother anymore. What he needs is a job, some manners, respect, and decency.
My kids are smart/gifted, IQ wise. Early on, I was intimidated by their ease. They are actually self centered, egotistical, greedy creatures like all human beings. I need to do some soul searching and look in a mirror. Now, my grandchildren seem to be exceptionally smart and already are on the road to being, what I have come to functionally define as screwed up.
After a month, she tells me the kids are really pissed at me because they can't find anything. I picked up everything off the floors and caught up on the laundry. The 15 and 16 year olds complain, scream, pout, and threw all the clothing I've washed and folded on the floors. My daughter says for me not to fight with them. Gradually, I become more and more careful about everything I do and say in the house. I want to disappear, vanish. So, when the day for the trip to the airport arrives I watch my tongue because everyone is excited and grumpy before the trip.
Well, I should have guessed there would be a problem! My daughter took off with her kids and lover to travel around when the bank suddenly puts a security hold on the credit and debit cards for security/fraud protection. Back at home, I notice my credit card isn't working anymore so I call. The Customer Service Agent says that all we have to do is call either the domestic or the international number before each purchase. I email her right away to remind her to call the number on the back of the card.
However by now, my daughter, and her extensive network of friends have decided I am a bigot and a hater. Obviously I have cut her off because....
So first my son sends me an instant message asking why I have not replied to his older sister's email messages. I explain the case with the bank and ask him to contact her.
Later her best friend comes to the house to say she has spoken with my daughter's friend on the telephone, and learns of the bank card failure. My bank accounts are up for public discussion now! (dummy)
No more business as usual. Mom is growing up this week.
I am tired of the drama. I want to distance myself from all these people. I have never before considered why some prefer senior living centers. I plan to do a little more research on this subject.
Wow, I feel better.
But how do you do it??
At risk of sounding like the biggest idiot ever, I realize today that after one more nasty go-round with my son that I don't really know how to 'just ignore it' or 'don't let it bother you'. The short version is he called sad about a break up with someone that there has been numerous break ups with. I listened patiently while he was upset, he needed to vent, fair enough, we all need that. Then I said something like 'I will be so glad when this is behind you, or when you are over all this' and he snapped on me, told me I had just yelled 'Get over it' and was angry, rude and hung up on me. It esculated and he ended with calling again and telling me to f*** off, that everything wasn't about me and he just had his heart broken and too bad he couldn''get over it' like I had just callously said and he'd call in a few days when his pain was less as it was obvious he had to deal with it all alone. Then he called my husband to give him a heads up that mom was on a rampage and acting crazy and mean and screamed at him all morning long. I am not calling or emailing, he said he would call in a few days and I am leaving it at that. But I sit here feeling very sad and worried that he will drink or do some other stupid thing. We had had a trip out of town planned for shopping today but I had said I would not volunteer for bad behaviour and the trip was off, wasn't being in the presence of someone shouting and swearing at me. Now I second guess that. He just got dumped again, was very sad. And yet I believe my personal pain is not an excuse for someone else to be yelled at by me and I don't think I need to accept that from anyone either. I want to be able to say 'oh well, his choice to be that way' and go about my day but I feel such sadness and need to know how others actually get to that point?
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!
July 4th Comments ~ Myspace Comments
I PRAY THAT EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY AND LOTS OF FOOD AND FIREWORKS TO WATCH. AND A DRINK WILL HELP TO CALM US DOWN AND RELAX ALSO. I THINK OF EVERYONE OFTEN AND PRAY THAT ALL IS WELL WITH YOU ALL AND YOUR FAMILIES.
LOVE,
MARGO (EPPERSON405)
two bad boys
hello,everyone....well I'll get right to it.....I've got 2 sons whom I think they wouldn't evn come to my own funeral. Yep! that's how awful it is with them.my oldest hasn't spoken to me for years and won't let my grandchildren speak to me either,except for my oldest grandaughter who lives with her mom,he can't stop her........my youngest never grew up,and is a very "me,me,me" person,he doesn't have any children,thank-goodness,'cuz he roams from one place to next(except for here)!He can hardly take care of himself.they have never forgiven thier dad + I, for getting a divorce and other reasons I will save for another time.....but nothing I would consider such drastic hurt,it's very painful,and it's been going on for years.....just wanted to vent,I'm not a mean person or anything.....thanks for giving me the opportunity to say this......Judy
Hi, I'm new here.
My name is Shirley. I live in Mississippi. I have just found this group and I feel as if I could get real help here. At least I won't be alone. To try to make a long story short, my only child, grown daughter, won't have anything to do with me any more. I am heart sick. Her father was extemely abusive. I stuck it out till she was grown. Worked 70+ hours a week to provide for her family and to take care of her father who had not worked in 20 years. He did have health problems but was more mentally ill than anything. I loved her, gave her all. Never abused her or any thing but loved her. Cried every day I had to drop her off at day care so I could work. No her father didn't take care of her. I finally left when I no longer could go on. Made a new life. Married an old friend who took care of me, helped my wounds heal, and loved me for the first time in my life I am being treated good and cared for. My daughter has tulrned her back on me and will have nothing to do with me. I don't know why. I really don't. Her father passed away last January. She didn't even call to tell me. I found out when I opened the paper that morning and saw it in the obituaries! I am desparate! What to do?
thanks,
Shirley
thanks,
Shirley
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