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Death of a Spouse

Share experiences relating to the death of your spouse. If it is a recent death, talk about what you are going through. If your loss is not recent, share the feelings you have about it now. The remaining spouse might feel hope by hearing your experiences.

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Welcome to our group

Come in and talk to us.

We, the members of this group, are here to give you a place to talk about your feelings, your memories, your sentiments, your fears, and anxiety's. We've become a cyber family, helping each other through holidays, birthdays, and anniversary’s, through the bad times, as well as celebrating the good times with each other. We offer a place to help the healing begin. All we have to offer is our experience and how we dealt with the various stages of grief, and pain, as we went through them. We've learned from each other that it's ok to be sad, to grieve, and even angry. Ultimately, we've found that it's also OK to be happy, and to share a laugh.

Your life is forever changed. Come in and tell us about what was, what is and what will be. No one understands better then someone who's been there. You are not alone in this world. We care.

Please take into consideration that this is a non-denominational group. Since our members are not only from every state in the United States, but could also be from various countries around the world, we undoubtedly have a multitude of faiths here in our membership. Also the Terms of Use (TOS) for eons is in effect for this group. Violation of their TOS can cause you to be banned from the group, or from eons completely.
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I have added several files in the ‘files’ section, all from AARP, all related to grief, loss and the associated aftermath

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about 1 month ago

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on a lighter note

just to lighten it up a bit

this is the "3 word game"...I will begin the story with 3 words, someone will add 3 words and so on...

appropriate for Death of a Spouse group...darn tootin'... our lives are burdened with our losses and...we need to know each other on a different level

so...

I woke up...

photo of sflattem
202 replies - last reply

Demonmaster

Rick, the Demonmaster, made a pit stop here last Tuesday...fortunately, he only had to deal with headwinds as he worked his way from Lake Geneva WI. Our part of the world, in general, has had a lot of rain and his timing was perfect.

Even though he could only stay the night, it was really nice to spend time with someone you only know otherwise from our group.

You can read his blog here view link

What a generally nice guy...taking on the world, with Dolores looking down...

steve

photo of sflattem
6 replies - last reply

Loss My Husband

Hi, I lost my husband on June 25. I am looking to talk with others about what it feels like. My world is in a spin and I feel like hiding under the bed.
Help!
photo of LindaMinash
10 replies - last reply

New Awakening

My melt-down and day on the pity-pot yesterday seem to have been necessary happenings. Some of the dust has cleared now. I was walking the dogs - as David and I used to do every day - and David "told" me that leaving was the better path than remaining. I surmised that he meant that more pain and suffering would have been inevitable had he stayed. I understand that. He had survived esophageal cancer surgery in 1997, suffered a recurrence 5 years later, and then became addicted to the [necessary] pain medications. He had never really been well in the past 11 years, although he struggled to live a normal and useful life. After his surgery, he was never able to put on weight. My 180-pound hero had dwindled to 115 pounds... I am grateful that I'm open to insight/awareness that may have been Heaven sent...
Thanks for bearing with me! marty

photo of thmarty
3 replies - last reply

Welcome to Planet, Reality


I had a dream last night. I believe that all dreams have a meaning. I remembered it when I awoke and it got me to thinking. In my dream, Suzy and I were leaving on a trip, when we got to our point of departure, there seemed to be a mistake with our itinerary. Suzy was scheduled on a different flight than I was. There was no turning back, so she went off to her gate and I went off to mine. I suddenly realized that this was no ordinary flight. It was to another planet. They told me that I had to leave everything behind. All I could take with me was the love in my heart, my memories and my lifetime skills. When I arrived at this new planet, I found that the people looked like me, but they spoke a different language, had different customs and ideas. Many seemed very nice, but I realized that I had to adapt to this new place using only the three things that I was permitted to carry with me. Sound familiar?

photo of Dennyz28
5 replies - last reply

negative vs positive

I wrote today on Eons how the day was for me sad and gloomy. I couldn't wait to have this day over. So at 7pm I decided to go to my bed and just lay watch TV waiting for tomorrow. Then couldn't do that so got up went outside there I found 10 feathers laying by the door--I know this has been the new sign from my husband. The mood started to lift alittle from me but back to bed I went. Then about 9:30 PM I walked to my computer and there stopped in our new house kitchen to my surprise it was fireworks I could watch from the kitchen window. First of all I never lived here for the 4th in Arizona but every year in Minnesota my husband wanted to go someplace to watch fireworks or he watched it on TV. I was always the busy one that couldn't take the time to smell the roses. I didn't want to go as I thought there was next year. That next year never came with my husband after May of 2007. I know that the fireworks were planned dont take me wrong but for me to get up out of bed and look up to see the fireworks I do believe my husband was trying to make a positive out of a negative of today of my crying and being sad to a night of a positive. I guess my 4th of July did end with a more uplifting note. Now if I could only dream of my husband or see him what a special ending that would be to my day. Vicki
photo of vicarizona
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Wedding

I have a wedding coming up in September. It's the daughter of a really good friend. I attended the weddings of his other two children with Joe. Part of me wants to send a gift and not travel to CT. for the affair because it will be the first affair that I have attend without Joe or my daughter. I think that I'll be sitting there and feel really upset when the slow songs are played. The other pat of me feels that I have an obligation to attend. Also, what am I going to do? Not accept invitations forever? I'd appreciate some advice. Pat
photo of starynights
4 replies - last reply

Hello, and yes it's a holiday

Hi Everyone,

I've just joined this group today mainly because everytime I'm on EONS, I'm touched by many of you who share thoughts, feelings and more.

My husband died around Christmas a few years ago, unexpectedly and leaving a great void in my heart and that of my family. And, I expect it will take a long time to manuver the changes necessitated by his departure. I noticed in the beginning of the third year that things were not quite as overwhelming. One thing that keeps me going is his legacy and the knowledge that he would want me to continue to live life to the fullest. Peace, Shay

photo of Shay42
5 replies - last reply

A rough day

I love reading the posts. I hate reading the posts, because they push my buttons. I'm grateful that you understand me. My feelings are running rampant today.
This isn't a particularly big holiday for me - it wasn't for us. But I'm feeling overwhelmingly alone and sad. The tears have been pouring out. It started with the small rain this morning. David and I both loved rain (I live in desert country) and it brought a special, safe feeling to us. I wrote him a letter on a card that said "Thinking of You." It felt good to share the guilt I still feel (about not being able to do anything to prevent his leaving, just 3 months ago). I sobbed and sobbed as I 'mailed' it at our burning pit.
And I've been feeling sorry for myself because I haven't heard from the kids since they were here on June 23rd. I've e-mailed them and tried to call... I've also tried calling some good friends, but...
Hey, I just needed someplace to vent my pain. Thanks for letting me share how I REALLY feel. Marty

photo of thmarty
1 reply - last reply

17 Months of Grief Evolution



I have been at this grieving thing for 17 months now. In that time, I have gone through many chapters and stages. It still changes by the day. Will I ever have a day with no tears? I doubt it. I just returned from two weekends of sports car racing. That was a passion of both Suzy and mine. We were both involved in it from our teen years on. I just buried a medallion honoring her along with some earth from her grave, at our favorite race course under some large trees in a meadow like setting where we always picnicked. I had a very good time there. Met many of the drivers and talked about the old days when I was out there on the course in some of the same cars they are racing now. (This was the weekend when all of the vintage race cars are on track).
I spend a great deal of time mentally examining my current situation. A thought occurred to me several days ago: Our beloveds are gone from this life and there is no miracle that will bring them back. I believe that when we meet them again it will be under truly wonderful circumstances. I certainly would not want to bring Suzy back as she was in those last few months of her life. That would be very selfish of me to want her to suffer all of those devastating insults to her body and mind again. I am sure that where she is now, is far better than that. When I think of her freedom now, it makes me very happy. Her last days were preoccupied with telling her closest friends: “I just want Denny to be happy.” It was not possible then, but maybe now I can do that as a last gift to her.

When I awakened this morning, the day after I wrote the above, I felt as if the weight of grief had been lifted from me after all of these months. That grief has changed and evolved many times along this journey, but I sense a significant change in my perception of it from the days past. I went for a 22 mile bike ride in a beautiful place that we rode together many times. I no longer imagined Suzy on her bike in front or behind me, Those visions have brought a desperate yearning and sadness in the past. Now, I feel that she is in me as part of me.

Through all of this time, I have felt that Suzy was watching and judging me. Now, I believe that she is with me, not in the role of critic, but as an entity of pure love.


photo of Dennyz28
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