Table of contents




Getting Off the Worry Treadmill


As a caregiver, do you find lots of things beyond your control?

Do you wake up at two or three in the morning and hop on the "worry treadmill" - and cycle through the same worries during your waking hours?


It's enough to leave you exhausted and stressed out. So how can you hop off the worry treadmill and give your spinning thoughts a rest?


First, identify an issue you continue to worry about, then follow this exercise:


  • Write at the top of a sheet of paper: "What can I control about this issue?" and list what you have direct control over.

  • Then, about one-third down the paper, write: "What can I influence about this issue?" and list those items you can't directly control, but might be able to influence in some way.

  • Finally, about two-thirds down the paper, write: "What do I have no control over?" and list what you have absolutely no control over.

Here's an example:


Jane was worried about her husband's diet. He had been warned by the doctor about the poor quality of his diet and the negative effect it was having on his health. The doctor said, if he didn't change his behavior, he was headed for a massive stroke or heart attack. Her husband already had type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Yet, despite the doctor's warnings, he still ate large quantities of salt and sugar, and continued to gain weight. Jane worried about her husband's health constantly and a possible health crisis. She would wake up in the middle of the night worrying. She began to experience some health problems of her own because of the stress of worrying. Jane used the three-question exercise as a way to help her look at this situation differently.


  • She began to control the food she brought into the house and what she served at meal time

  • She calmly shared her concerns with her husband

  • She informed his doctor that he still wasn't eating right

  • She informed other family members about how dangerous it was to "contribute" to her husband's negative eating.

Focus on what you can control or influence


These were things Jane could either control or influence. But when she thought about what she couldn't control at all, she came to terms with the fact that she could not control what her husband chooses to eat. He has the right to choose to make his own decisions...despite what other people think of his choices.


Once Jane identified what she could control and influence, she turned her focus away from what she can't control and switched it to what she can control or influence.


Why not try it? With practice, this really does become easier.
back to top

______________________________________________________________________

Setting up a power of attorney


Power of attorney (POA) is a legal document that gives someone else - called an agent - the power to act for you if you become incapable of making property, medical, legal, or financial decisions. It can be your child, your lawyer, or even a trusted friend. If you're asking someone to serve as your agent, you become the "principal." Or you may serve as an agent for an aging parent's POA.


Power of attorney can be a package of legal documents called advance directives and can include a living will.


Power of attorney types


You have several different types of power of attorney to choose from if you become unable to make decisions - even temporarily, like during an illness or disability, or even if you're sunning in the south of France. You can give your agent broad control or a very limited, specific, role.


The laws governing POAs are different in each state. So you can't assume that a power of attorney written in one state will be honored by another. Here's a quick overview.



  • Nondurable POA: You might use this POA to let an agent sign the papers to sell your house or handle your financial affairs if you're traveling abroad. It takes effect immediately and stays in effect until you - as the principal - revoke it, become mentally incompetent, or die.

  • Durable POA: Your agent acts on your behalf if you're unable to make decisions. It takes effect immediately, and stays in effect until you - as the principal - revoke it, become mentally incompetent, or die.

  • Springing POA: This POA takes effect at a future date. For instance, if your doctor says you aren't competent to handle your affairs, this POA springs into action and stays in effect until you die or it's revoked by a court.


How to set up a power of attorney


If you're concerned about future possibilities, you can set up more than one type of POA. Choose your agent carefully, and clearly communicate your medical and financial wishes long before you think you might become incapacitated. Your agents will be more confident when he or she knows your wishes.


Or if you're the caregiver and over the age of 18 - and you're the agent for a Medicare beneficiary - you must submit written permission to the beneficiary's Medicare Part B carrier to act on that person's behalf.


How to get your power of attorney back


So what happens if you get over the surgery or recover from your illness? Can you regain control?
Of course. If you're competent, you can overrule any of your agent's decisions. You can also change agents. And you can change the terms of the POA at any time. The intent is to provide a trusted family member or friend with the power to help in a time of crisis, not the power to control.


Check the laws in your state or contact an attorney to get the appropriate forms.


Resources


AARP

American Bar Association Commission on Law and Aging

ABA Toolkit for health care advance planning

National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys


Presented in partnership with Humana Inc.

© 2007 Best in Care USA, Inc. All rights reserved.
back to top

______________________________________________________________________

Having those difficult caregiver conversations


Death and dying issues are important to discuss with our aging relatives. Yet many of us, caregivers and aging relatives alike, are uncomfortable talking about end-of-life plans. Here are some strategies that might help you approach the subject with your aging relative.


  1. First, determine what it is you need to know. Since it is nearly impossible to think of every eventuality that might occur, it may be more useful to start by trying to understand the general intent of what they would want - what values drive their desires. There are many good resources you can consult - including Talking About Death Won't Kill You, by Virginia Morris, and "The Five Wishes," at agingwithdignity.org.
  2. Try having this conversation casually and in small doses. You might approach the conversation this way, "You know Mom, I realized the other day I don't know how you would want me to handle things if something happened to you. Have your thought about what your wishes are?"
  3. Study body language. For some people this will be a conversation opener and you will be able to move into an in-depth discussion about many aspects of their end-of-life planning. For others, answering this one question will be all they can handle. You'll know by their body language. If they fidget or change the subject, you've probably gotten all the information you are going to get for that day.
  4. Revisit the subject in the near future. You can say something like, "You know, I've thought more about our conversation about what you want at the end of life and I realized there are other things I need to know.
  5. Acknowledge their discomfort. You can say, "I know this is hard to talk about and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. However, it's important to me to know your wishes so that I can follow them. I think it might be easier if we have this conversation slowly, over time, and just talk about one question today."
  6. Don't let a written list substitute for a conversation. If your loved one says, "Don't worry honey, I have it all written down," don't let that be the end of the conversation. Having end-of-life plans written down is no substitute for a conversation. Sometimes written wishes are hard to interpret without a conversation. Actually, it is better for the written plans to emerge from the conversations. However, if your relative has it written down, ask if you can read it and talk about it so you're comfortable that you understand the plans.

When you need to implement a relative's end-of-life plans, you'll be grateful that you made this discussion a priority. And of course, don't forget to discuss your own end-of-life plans, too.

Presented in partnership with Humana Inc.
© 2007 Best in Care USA, Inc. All rights reserved.
back to top
______________________________________________________________________

Resources and organizations for caregivers

Despite its rewards, caregiving can challenge you with emotional, economic, and legal concerns.

You don't need to go it alone. More help is available than you probably imagined. And Humana would like to guide you to some of it.

Humana resources for Medicare-eligibles

When you or your loved one signs up for a Humana Medicare Advantage plan, many extras come with it. Humana's value-added programs focus on a healthy lifestyle and include exclusive health and wellness programs, a computer-based brain fitness program, a Website to find health tips and topics, a monthly benefits record detailing your prescription history, and special clinical programs. Learn more about Humana's value-added lifestyle programs.

Helpful Websites for caregivers

Administration on Aging: www.aoa.gov

Aging with Dignity: www.agingwithdignity.org

American Association of Homes and Services for the Aging (AAHSA): www.aahsa.org

American Association of Retired Persons (AARP): www.aarp.org

American Bar Association (ABA) Commission on Law and Aging: www.abanet.org/aging

American Hospice Foundation: www.americanhospice.org

Assisted Living Federation of America: www.alfa.org

Benefits Check Up: www.benefitscheckup.org

Caregivers Coach: www.caregiverscoach.com

Caring connections: www.caringinfo.org

Center for Caregiver Training: www.caregiver.org

Children of Aging Parents (CAPS): www.caps4caregivers.org

Eldercare Locator: www.eldercare.gov

Family Caregiving Information: www.familycaregiving101.org

Health Compass: www.healthcompass.org

Hospice Foundation of America: www.hospicefoundation.org

Hospice Net: www.hospicenet.org

Medicare Rights Center: www.medicarerights.org

Medicare: www.medicare.gov

National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA): www.naela.org

National Adult Day Services Association (NADSA): www.nadsa.org

National Alliance for Caregiving: www.caregiving.org

National Association for Home Care and Hospice(NAHC): www.nahc.org

National Association of Area Agencies on Aging: www.n4a.org

National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers: www.caremanager.org

National Council on the Aging: www.ncoa.org

National Family Caregivers Association: www.thefamilycaregiver.org

National Hospice & Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO): www.nhpco.org

National Institute on Aging: www.nia.nih.gov

National Respite Locator Service: www.respitelocator.org

Social Security Administration: www.cms.hhs.gov

Strength for Caring: www.strengthforcaring.com

Well Spouse Association: www.wellspouse.org

Women's Institute for a Secure Retirement: www.wiser.heinz.org
back to top