The most annoying thing about getting older (other than the strange area on the back of my head that I, in self-delusion, call a cowlick) has been going on the caffeine wagon. I was having too many unpleasant side effects: dry mouth, hyper-caffeinated personality disorder, yellowing teeth, even a brown tongue (that was the final straw). I think that thirty odd years of heavy coffee drinking probably carved neural pathways in my brain that will always crave java. I’ve written before about his subject. I guess this is the one thing in life that makes me empathize with alcoholics or drug addicts.

Realizing I was still sort of a woman, I needed to get control of this addiction. It has taken five months, but I finally was without headaches and was drinking about three or four cups a week, just as a treat when I went out somewhere. All my side effects were vastly improved.

A couple of weeks ago, I bought a bag of premium coffee. I brewed it morning, noon, and night for two days. I was so ashamed that the next time I saw my sister, I confessed and gave her the remains of the coffee beans. She said she had wondered how long it would take for me to start swilling again. For the next week I did fine – just had one cup the whole week. Then I went to the store, bought another bag of fancy coffee. Once again I have fallen off the wagon.

Where is the twelve step program for people with this problem? Or for all of us with annoying little, out of control habits. Buying their first grandkid everything they see on sale at BabysRUs. Spending too much time on the computer and forgoing real life. Losing their sanity in immoderation.