So she told me that I needed to go to the store for her right away. I looked at her. I didn't see a broken leg.

OH ! You need me to pick up some personal items?
Uh ? NO !!! I said.

That was the last thing I heard before I headed out the door for the store.
HEY ! I thought it over.

If I am going to have to go through this I might as well try to make it as enjoyable as possible. And if this helps so much the better. And I was out of ice cream. . ..

This is a tough crowd to talk to about young people stuff with. ( insert laughter here ) BUT if there are any men out here that has never had to journey down aisle D in Thrift way. Take a trip. Remarkable and very very confusing.

At first I thought I was in the toy aisle when a box that had written on it " With Wings" caught my eyes. I saw something like that once.
It was on the history channel when the big UFO crave was still in. It is still one of the few pictures they have not been able to prove as to being a fake. And there other things.

Like I did not know some of these things were seasonal. I saw something called "Summers Eve." They had stocked up on a lot of it.

At first I thought it was a wine cooler but I could not for the life of me figure out how you would ever drink out of that container ? Kinda like those cardboard juice things I see all the time.

Monistat 7. Hmm ? My first thought was Jack Daniel Old # 7 Whiskey. But this crap was in a tube.

And then I saw Monistat 3 . But it cost more than than 7 but it was only a 3 ? Why ? When 7 is more than 3 . I would want a 7 I would think . But I have never stated that I understand women.

But I did think it out. I have witnessed the size 12 to the size 6. This could be one of those cases. I told you it is confusing.

I won't even get in to the napkins. There was not very many in the package but damn. You just know they would be good when you have BBQ ribs. They were thick. Hook them to them wing things and you would have one hell of a bib.

But I finally found what I was looking for but I was not ready for what I found. I picked up the box and like all men do the first thing I did was turn the box around. We always look for directions. We want to know how easy it is going to be to do the job with what was in the box. Again I was not ready and the first words I read were and I quote.

"Sit or stand in a comfortable position. Some women prefer to place one leg on the toilet seat or tub, while others prefer to squat down. After you find a position that is most comfortable for you. "

I looked up, I looked around. And then I reached for my reading glasses. HOLY COW. I felt Nasty.. I liked it. I read more.

" If the tampon is inserted correctly, you should not feel it."

SEE !!!! I have been telling her that for years. I am buying these . Maybe she has been reading the wrong instructions.

I turned the box back over.

Crap !!!! Super Size. That can only be good at McDonald's Right ?

I started looking for a " You look fine in that dress size." I did not see any.

Super Size. Is that a compliment ? Would be if it were a Trojan. I buy those in super size ones and use them as garbage bags. Those things are tough. They have to be the world depends on them. Well maybe not the world. But they are important to that couple in the back seat of that 53 Chevy.

I use a thread gage at work. Round piece of metal with all different size holes in it. I think you can see how I could put the two together. The biggest hole I have on the gage is a 1" diameter. Super size?

I am at a loss here. I deal with nuts and bolts and engine bore size. If I get the super size am I going to get supper ?

Will she take it as an insult or be grateful that I knew what size without asking.

I was just trying to get out the door. Now I can't call her can I ?

I am so happy that I read just a bit further before I did call.

"Choose the correct tampon absorbency. Use smaller sized tampons when your flow is lighter. TSS occurs more often when super-absorbent tampons are used. Don't use these unless your menstrual flow is particularly heavy."

It's not the size of the torpedo it is the bang for the buck... Hallelujah I have been saved
.
I want to personally thank who ever it was that wrote these directions. And thanks for not saving that piece of information for the end. I bore easy.

Remembering what I had seen as I was leaving the house I chose super size. 2 boxes. I want to finish reading one.

Now if you will excuse me I will get my ice cream and I think I will stop by Micky's D's just in case.

Absorbency. I should have figured that one out. .

We sell these big ole long roll of crap in a white cloth tube at the store. It is used to contain oil spills in the shops.

Naww.. She would beat me with it.. But it would be a story to tell the guys. And she is already in a bad mood..

OK.. Ice cream, Micky D's and I will stop by at work for a minute. OH and I will call her and tell her I have a surprise for her.. Yeah That should do it.

I am a Rebel... Marlon Brando and I have my Toe in the side car. But he has a Sock on.

Nite