"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere.” Marilyn Monroe

Greetings, darlings! I’ve been busy as a lil’ ol’ gossip bee, rounding up the latest buzz from here, there and wherever for you. So pour a cup of java or bubbly, kick off those shoes and let’s dish, honey!

Wonder whatever happened to the tall, sometimes weird, always amazing Grace Jones? Well, darlings, I’m going to tell you.

She just turned – can you believe it? – 60 and she is getting rave reviews for her cabaret –type show in Australia. One reviewer compared her to a "giant panther hungry for a kill," as she prowled on stage. I just wish I could see all the costume changes. I hear she wears these fabo head dress thingies as she sings and grooves to her disco days hits (“Pull Up To My Bumper Baby”, “La Vie En Rose” and “Slave To The Rhythm”).

She was the headline act at the opening of the Elandra Resort last weekend, about two hours' drive south of Cairns, if you must know.... and she's traveling with her mom and family, including Paulo, her son with the French photographer-artist Jean Paul Goude, who plays bongos during the diva’s show.

Sounds like the Miss Jones ( that’s what she wants everyone to call her ) might have mellowed a tad over time, dontcha think?

Wrong.

In her trademark in-your-face-and-tough-while-entrancing way, Grace, I mean, MISS Jones wished her adoring , VIP-studded audience "good night" .

And then purred: "and f--- you all".

So first it was reported that Guy Ritchie said "NUTS!" to Kabbalah and Madonna was filing for divorce... and then other stories came out about how they had just drifted apart , yadda yadda... And how she wants to live in New York and he wants to stay in merry ol’ England and all that.

So what’s really up with the two ( supposedly former) lovebirds?

Maybe it is the romantic in moi, but I hope the divorce talk is just tabloid blither. Guy was just spotted hanging out with Sting a lot ( Sting and his wife, Trudie Whatsherface introduced the two almost a decade ago) and probably getting marital advice before he left for New York for a purported last stab at reuniting with the Material Girl.

But Ritchie’s mom flat out says her son’s marriage is flat out NOT on the rocks.

She also said reports the couple has already retained divorce lawyers ( The London Times just reported that Madonna has met with attorney Fiona Shackleton, the attorney for Paul McCartney and Prince Charles in their marriage break-ups) are "works of fiction". Hokey doke.

Anyhoo, whatever the facts are, Madonna's Sticky 'n' Sweet world tour is heading out and I am SURE the powers-that-be at Eons are , even as I tippy tap type this out on the computer keyboard, planning on sending your own gossip maven, Sher, on the road to report back to you on the concert!
Uh-huh.

Well, it’s possible!

I mean, stranger things have happened (for example, I was once married to a man whom I now feel sure was a Klingon..causing me to be against mixed marriage. From now on, it is only humans for me.... but I digress).

And, besides, I just... sob.. missed Elton John’s big tiara ball. Obviously, there was some terrible mistake and my ( complimentary press) ticket was lost in the mail!! ( Aside to Elton: have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch when you are back in Hotlanta, doll... )The annual event was held at Sir Elton’s non-Atlanta home, the country one in at in Old Windsor, Berkshire.

Tickets raised mula for charity at £3,000 a head and among the gorgeous and sort of gorgeous in attendance were Liz Hurley, wearing a diamond tiara, model Elle MacPherson , Michael Caine, Kelly Osbourne, Rod Stewart and daughters ( and his latest and tallest blonde wife who makes him look sort of like Mini-me).

Eon’s own Suzy as well as Bill Clinton ( hmmmm... do those two have a past together?... I’m just saying)were rumored to have been there but I can’t say for sure, sweeties. My goodness, neither Bill nor Hillary have called me in simply ages!

Did someone mention Mini-me? What a coINcidence, darlings! He, or rather the pint-sized actor who played him in the Austin Powers’ flicks, Verne Troyer, is in the news for two reasons.

Numero uno, his obnoxious young “aspiring model” ex says she’s known as his girlfriend but is actually his wife and is suing for divorce – and half his assets. He’s counter-suing for fraud and an annulment.

Numero duo: a federal judge has granted a temporary restraining order preventing distributors showing any more of a sex tape featuring Troyer and “aspiring model” doing, well, you know.

I saw a few minutes of the 50 minute monstrosity on TMZ.com before it was shut down ( Troyer’s suing TMZ, dontcha know, for $ 20 million, for showing it).

Let me just say that if you missed seeing it, count your lucky stars. Some things just can’t be wiped from your memory banks easily and this might burn out a few brain cells.

And I only saw kissing.

I don’t want to imagine what the rest of the tape showed... but to sort of soothe my psyche, can I ask that we have a group “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”??

Thanks, darlings. I feel better already.

That’s it for this edition of Gossip Au Go Go . But you stay stay and leave your OWN picks, snits, celeb sightings or comments. Then go out there and have eons of fun and make people stop and stare and declare, “ Now I understand why they call them BOOMers!”