The days really seem to blend with each other and I am never really sure what day it is, each day now has a sameness that I hate, I wait for him to come down a hall open a door call for me and I wait and wait and I wait.
They all tell me I am handling this so well that I am taking his death like a trooper and to them I suppose I am. Have you ever seen that painting called "the Scream" anyway thats what I think its called, well inside where I hide each day thats how I feel. I have tried not to cry around them and the bathrooms such a great hiding place and I am learning to hide again very well. I am losing touch with him, he is fading from my physical being, I can still in quiet times feel his touch on my arm I miss his good night kisses but if I am very still I can feel his lips on mine and know he is saying I love you. The hurt is real its deep inside me and I wish at times I could just lash out,
Everyone is so kind and they all say the right things, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you feel, he was so young, and all these statements are true, but they just don't seem to help, I nod and say thank you and walk away because at times I just want to lash out and tell them no you can't understand you don't know you can't possibly understand my loss, on Wednesday the 18th of April at 10:25 PM I stopped breathing and I can't seem to find away to start again.
I love you, Honey ....
