"I've had a problem for some time now, and I need help in getting rid of it. It's really rather embarrassing, and any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. You see, I lurk. I lurk in blogs, I lurk in messages, I even lurk in profiles. Can you help me?"

"Well, the first step in correcting the problem is admitting that you have one. I'm glad you came to me and we'll see what we can do for you. Now, why do you think you lurk?"

" I lurk to learn. I want to know about people; I want to know what they're like, I want to know what makes them tick. I like a reading what they have to say."

" OK. I see you've given me a list of some of the people that you do your lurking in, and the list is several pages long. Let's look at some of these people. I'll pick a couple at random, and you tell me about them. Now let's see, OK, let's try this one: California Blonde."

" California Blonde! My God! Doesn't that name just throw up images of the Beach Boys? When you say that name, can't you just see a roaring bonfire on the beach with bikini'd babes and tall, tanned surfers dancing around, slamming beers and making out? And over there, at the extreme edge of the flames light, is me, lurking. And Calis blogs are just like that image: fun and feisty!"

" Fun and feisty, eh? Well, if they're fun and feisty, then maybe lurking isn't such a bad thing. All right, let's try another one. How about OneToeJeff?"

"Well, obviously when you see that name, a question immediately springs to mind: What happened to the other nine? But he explained in one of his blogs about his name. I've noticed in his blogs that his writing runs tripping through your mind like a bug on piano keys. It's almost musical and lyrical and definitely wonderful."

" Lyrical as good. OK, another one. Let me see, let me see. Oh, here's one: IrishRose2007."

" I look at her name, and I look at her picture, and I remember when I was in Ireland, that country of green beauty. And I think of the pubs and the lusty, busty barmaids that work there. And that's who she reminds me of. Her writing, like the Irish, is lusty, busty and irreverent. Reading her blogs is one of life's greatest pleasures."

" Well, let's see. Let's try page 8 of your list. Oh, here's one: eagleye."

" Ah, yes, eagleye. His picture is a dream catcher. But the name and the picture together, and you have the image of an eagle flying high above a forested mountain wilderness and he sees everything below him. He hasn't written any blogs, but the messages he writes are informative and to the point. A very interesting read."

" All right. How about OrangePOP33?"

"The name brings to mind, at least to me, a lazy summer day, sitting by the creek with an ice cold Orange Crush, just chillin'. Then, later, drinking an Orange Crush by a campfire, and still chillin'. Her writing sizzles and crackles and pops like logs in that fire. And for some reason, OrangePOP reminds me of Radar O'Reilly, from the show M*A*S*H, who always wanted a Grape Nehi. Maybe it's because Grape Nehi and Orange Crush are from the same era. And just as Radar knew everything about running the outfit, so OrangePOP knows a great deal about almost everything, probably because of her extensive research. Reading her blogs is a good way to learn, whether you want to or not."

" Well, I see why you have a problem. These people are obviously great writers. But why do you lurk? Why not say something?"

"Occasionally, I do. But not very often. It's fun to just lurk and learn."

"All right. Maybe one more for today. Here's one: okhela."

"Okhela. I'm not sure what the name means, but I've seen his blogs and his profile. He writes a lot about politics, and a lot about race, and he writes about both VERY well. He reminds me of a minister at his pulpit, his thunderous orations washing over the congregation like a tsunami, crashing into the back wall and ebbing slowly back with a gentler message included, so the people are rinsed in knowledge, and truth and learning. His writing is absolutely fascinating.

"Now I notice that you have at least ten pages of names here. Are all these people and places where you've lurked? If so, it's going to take quite a while to solve your problem. In fact, I see myself retiring off your case alone. You better see my nurse and have her set up a schedule of appointments for at least the next year."

"OK, Doc. I'll see you next week."