So the universe has been thumping me on the head, reminding me to write about the uses of certain 'negative' emotions. i'm all for positive thinking, but i'm a pragmatist too: i believe in facing reality. Bad stuff happens in this life and you have to learn to deal. Looking for the silver lining (which may not appear till months or years down the road...tho amazingly it usually does reveal itselef) is good, but it doesn't always address the problem at hand.

There are emotions we all have that have gotten a bad rap and we boomers, at least the more 'hippyish' among us, bear part of the responsibility for that with all our 'peace and love' hype. Don't get me wrong, i'm all for peace and love but there are situations that are appropriate opportunites for fear, sadness and even anger.

Fear can keep us safe, as long as it's not at the phobic level--which produces panic which interferes with effective coping. Read Dr. Gavin DeBecker's book "Gift of Fear", he's very accurate about it. Fear can motivate you to plan, take precautions. Sometimes it's that little voice that says go this way not that, or 'don't trust that person'.

Sadness has its uses too. Read Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on dying and Judith Viorst's "Neccessary Losses". Feeling sad is part of the greiving process. Denying you feel it won't get you thru the feeling...like walking on a waterbed what you push down here pops up elsewhere/when.
Sadness can also be the seed of compassion, the urge to help. If you've never even felt the urge to help anyone you're poor in spirit, a sorry state to be in IMHO.

Anger is sometimes a boon to people who've been stuck wallowing in fear (of life or change/growth as much as of any real threat)or sadness (over some of those losses or just nebulous, edge of the abyss depression). A little appropriately aimed anger (at the person or circumstances that have upset you, not some easier because closer to you target over something inconsequential) can sometimes get one moving again. It can be cathartic. Just don't get stuck in a loop of 'processing' it as shrinks used to say: This is when you just keep thinking about how angry you are and never actually face WHY you are angry and at whom you are truly angry. When you deal with the why and whom you are able to move past it, and let it go. You can certainly take precautions (useful fear) against 'it' happening again, but you don't have to carry that anger around every day of your life.

i spent my first couple of decades hiding my feelings, denying my feelings. Then i discovered something: if i admitted clearly, at least to myself, what i was feeling it became much easier to find solutions where possible and to let go the burdens of sadness and anger where there are no solutions: To accept that bad stuff happens in this life, but we always have the choice of how we respond to those things. Sometimes fear, sadness and anger are appropriate responses to your situation. But stay alive long enough and you realize that things keep changing, new situations arise. Where are you going to get the energy to deal with new bad stuff or for that matter to enjoy the good stuff along the way if you're still tied up in knots over the old bad stuff?????

And here's clue, feeling what you feel...validating what you feel even if no-one else will...helps you let go the old bad stuff. That's part of what transforms traumas into memories...they're no more pleasant than they were, but they lose their power to immobilze you, to keep you stuck in those negative feelings.

And that's the point: feelings even 'negative' ones are all ok...but they're not meant to be a continous state of being...they are waves on the ocean of your soul. As anyone who's bodysurfed can tell you, you're more likely to get hurt when you fight the wave than when you ride it, if you miss one another will come along soon and don't forget to get out of the water BEFORE you're exhausted. A little quiet contemplation on shore is good for you too!