I have already discussed in some detail the dynamics of cyber sex VS real sex, and I guess I am ready now to tackle the subject of cyber friendships VS "real" friendship....

Many times there is no distinction -- the people that you hang out with online you also hang out with "in real life", at least as often as you are able to get together with distance constraints, etc.... you both know who the other one "really is", you have been to their house and they have been to yours, you have met their spouse and/or family and they have met yours. Sometimes these friendships started out in the cyber realm and crossed after into the "real" as you grew closer and wanted to take it to the next step.

Other times these cyber friendship exist only in the computer screen and keyboard. I have one such long term friendship -- we have "known" each other for many years, we have each been to hell and back in our lives, and helped and supported each other through it all -- and we have never met and most likely never will. And the sad reality is that maybe we wouldn't like each other as much if we did, I don't know....

I have made lots of cyber friends here at Eons, and don't get me wrong, I really value them -- they have been a lifeline to me, and I don't know what I would ever do without them now. But sometimes you just need to talk to someone who is sitting right across the room from you.

I am going to make an uncomfortable admission here that is hard to put into type and have stare back at me in accusation -- I have no "real" friends. Not a one -- haven't for many years.

I have old friends from way way way back that every five years I see at my high school reunion and we are very happy to see each other, and then we go our separate ways and lead separate lives. I guess they are still my friends and always will be, but only in a certain sense....

It was not always this way -- when we lived in Florida years ago I had a large circle of friends that we all hung out together and our kids played together and we talked on the phone and went to each other's houses for dinner and.... but then we moved away.

I have touched on part of the problem here -- the fact that we are a couple of rolling stones -- we move a lot -- we jokingly call it our "5 year plan" -- over the course of our 27 year marriage we have moved more than 30 times, sometimes only across town, sometimes across country -- we have lived in 6 different states (so far). We can never seem to last more than 5 years in one geographic location -- we get sand in our shoes and a yen for the open road and adventure, or life sucks where we are and we think we can improve it if we move to fill-in-the-blanks. The psychology behind this is fascinating and perhaps the topic of a future post -- but for now I am discussing one of the results of being such a rolling stone...

In the past I never had trouble connecting with new people and making friends wherever we go -- anywhere we lived the church we went to was my social life, and I was very involved in activities, and had lots of people to hang out with and do stuff with. But I had stopped going to church about 6 months before we left Florida (again, the potential subject of a future blog). So it has been different since we came to Missouri in 2004.

I am going to make a painful admission here -- the reason I am so isolated is that I have almost purposely distanced myself from other people and kept them at arms length. Once again, the reasons are quite complex and I have a real understanding of the whys and wherefores -- hubby and I are both amateur psychologists/psychiatrists and we love to analyze what we do and why -- so I am not sitting here saying "oh woe is me - why has this happened to me? oh I am such a victim of circumstances" - if I am victim of anything it is of myself and my screwy thought process, which I can blame on nothing or no one else, and really do not even blame on myself. It's just the way it is.

I am a very bottom line person. There is only so much benefit one can get from listing the reasons why something is the way it is. I know why I have no friends. And it's not because I am not friendly or don't know how to relate to people or connect with people or how to be a friend in return -- I know how to do all of that perfectly well, I have just chosen not to since we got to Missouri and I am reaping the results now.

So I am now making a real effort to lower my defenses and reach out to people at work - I believe that you can give off subconscious hostile stay-way-from-me vibes even as you laugh and act sociable, which is what I have been doing the last few years. I am making a concerted effort to stop doing that - I need a "real" friend, someone to hang out with and go shopping with and go out to lunch with and who you can tell anything to and they will not judge you and who also trusts you with their deep dark innermost secrets.

As a way of meeting new people in lieu of the ladies Bible studies I used to be involved in years ago, I have half considered joining the "Red Hat Society" -- they have several active branches around here -- or maybe getting a membership at the Y and going to work out -- or taking a course at the community college -- I have not decided yet, but I know I am going to do something to shake things up --

And I will keep you all posted here at my progress in making this happen......